what should i do? (mother question)?

Question

i know this is a question i have to answer by myself but just wanted to get a little outside advise. im a young mother (20) of 2. i work and go to school. my fiance and i own are our home and everything seems to be okay (finacially--we live comfortably). well when im at work my grandma watches my kids but lately ive been struggling with the fact whether or not i should work. if i quit work to stay home with the kids we could afford the bills but would be living pay check to pay check which i refuse to do. with this in mind, we would need to sell our house and go back to an apartment. i hate the thought of having to move backwards in life but i would do anything for my kids. how crucial do you think it is to stay home with your kids? if i work just so i can have a house will it have a negative effect on my childern b/c they dont see me that much or will they be fine? just looking for some input...thanks so much

Answer 1

This is most definatly a dilemma... I have been there...

Well let me explain what I went through to reach a desicion..
I was in college and wanted to be a Psychologist ( teens specifically).. I was working at a newspaper as a sales rep making good money and putting myslef through college,,

My husband and I have 2 kids and at that time , they were just 6 and a few months.. The youngest had alot of issue with his ears but I soo wanted my degree..

Finally, one day I had to come to a desicion...

My life or theirs..

Sacrifice or not..

I sacrificed .....

I chose this path because I can go back and still do what I want,,

Of course I didn't get my house until recently.. Waited 20 years for that but to me , it was worth it...
My boys are not on drugs, have a good moral foundation, have no gang relations and actually loved me being home...

I have started to work again and my 16 year old ( who was the few months old) hates me working.. We talk alot so he now feels that my working has intruded into his time...A new dilemma for me..:)

I am all for mothers raising their children.. I am not against a mother working but I just haven't seen enough proof that shows that its as good as staying home...

I know there would be alot of things that would have to be put on the backburner but what price are you willing to pay for the sound mind you can give your children??
I gave up alot hun... And yes , there were times when we lived pay-check to pay-check..but I am fine and my kids are AWESOME...

Make sure that whatever you do , you discuss this with your fiance .. He has the right to be a part of your desicion...
Also, when you make your desicion, make absolutley sure thats what you want...If you have 1 shred of doubt, you will be resentful...

There are ways around any situation... If you have too many bills, lower your luxury spending...Example no eating out accept for special ocassions.. rent videos instead of going to a theater.
Buy whole foods instead of fast quick meals ) they cost more and are not as nutritional)
Rent a house .. You do not necessarily have to live in an apartment.. We didn't....
And if your bills are from credit cards etc.. i would 1st get them payed off and use only one and cut the rest up...
If you can, get rid of one car.. We had only 1 car for years .. live really close to schools..
You could also make extra money by being a sitter for other parents..You would be amazed at how much this service cost..
My brother and his wife live in Dallas and they pay over 900.00 a month just for day care....
I used to babysit 4 other children along with my own.. Not only did I make money, I also exsposed my children to a social setting of friends...Great for both of us...

I know it will be a hard choice to make but you seem to be leaning one way already and I know you will make the best choice for your children..

I hope I could help...:)

Answer 2

If you're working and going to school, you aren't raising your kids. It's that simple. No other success in life will compensate for failure in the home.

Since you have the kids at grandma's, not at a day care center, stay at work and save like crazy. Get a couple of months worth of money in the bank as a safety net, then go home to your babies. And do your kids an enormous favor. Marry your fiance ASAP. Make it legal to protect your family.

Answer 3

I am a young mother as well, with 2 kids and a husband. We own our own house as well. I would try and find a job that works in the evening so you have all day with the kids. That is how we do it and it works great. Don't move backwards in life, you can do both be a mother and work, everybody does it. Good luck

Answer 4

Moving backwards is not the way to go. You and your fiance have earned so much in your young lives. Let the equity build in your home. You both are very responsible people who are doing the right thing. As long as your kids are with someone who cares about them, they will be fine. It is really true when people say it's the quality, not quantity, of time with your kids that is important. Your children know you love them and, maybe in a few years, when they are in middle school, you will have the luxury of staying home. That's when they will really need you.
Nice job, mom!!!!!

Answer 5

Personally, I think you should keep the job. Both of my parents worked upwards of 50 hours a week, and we lived quite comfortably. My brother and I turned out just fine, both of us are in school, neither of us break the rules or do "bad" things. If, when the kids are older, you want to remind them that you are there even when you aren't, leave a chore list for them to tackle and let them know the consequences if they refuse. If they have a favorite game or toy, take it from them for the night. Of course, this is all when they are older; I doubt they're of school-age if your grandmother stays with them and you're so young.

Plus, if you keep your job now and save up extra money, in the future, you might be able to stay with them more. It's always better to have a surplus than to be living from paycheck to paycheck.

I hope this helps!

~~Nao

Answer 6

Go to www.family.org They have lots of great resources for parents. There is a book there called Home by Choice that you may want to take a look at. Also many other resources to help you decide to work or not to work. Hope this helps you! From: a single mother of 2 who had to work, but would have loved to have stayed home with my kids!

Answer 7

Bless you for your concerns. At least you have grandmother to watch the kids, that is so much better than any daycare. I would feel secure in the fact that the kids are being taken care of very well. I have always moved my mother to whatever city we live in to watch our children, she has never complained about moving plus we pay all her expenses, daycare would be cheaper, but you know, money is not that important when it comes to having someone assist raising your children. Good luck.

Answer 8

my kids turn out great we both work well i did quiet but then i wasn,t happy and that made my kids not happy so just don,tworry okey the kids will turn out all right