how do you deal with a child that's aggressive towards you?

Question

my son is 2 years old and the other day i had to take my 5 year old to get her glasses fitted and because i had to hold on to him as the optician's had expensive stuff on display he punched me full belt in the face 5 times and then bit me on my leg witch up set me a lot

Answer 1

The "Terrible Twos" is a time when kids test out their parents for reaction. You have to deal with this now, or it will get worse, and when he goes to school, or nursery, he will find himself facing retaliation from other kids who won't think twice about whacking him back twice as hard.

How to deal with it? You have to punish him in a way other than physically hitting him. Withdraw some priveledges, like the time he goes to bed, sweets and rewards. Make a set period of time for this, like grounding time, and stick to it. Tell him that when he learns to behave better, you'll replace the priveledges.

Trying to avert it? Take a colouring book and crayons with you when you want him to sit quietly, or take a book and read to him, a jigsaw puzzle... something to keep his mind occupied and stop him running around.

I hope this helps. Good luck. :-)

Answer 2

First of all phsyical punishment is not the answer here (why would you hit a child while delivering the message "Don't hit"? DOESN'T MAKE SENSE DOES IT?"

What you need to do is discipline the child. Inform them that hitting mommy is not acceptable (I'd just explain hitting is unacceptable rather than specifically mommy normally) and then explain WHY. Don't just say Don't do it, that doesn't explain anything. Secondly, reflect to the child that it was a bad choice, not that they are a bad child. Kids are not bad, they make bad choices.

Thirdly, set a punishment and STCIK WITH IT. If you place them in a corner, Set the child in the corner, explain why and then leave them there for whatever set time you had. If you wish, use a timer so the child can see the time running down. If they leave the corner, pick them up and place them back in without giving any other attention. Do so as needed. After the time has been served explain why it was served again and solicit an apology and make sure the child knows why they are apologizing.

That way they learn from the mistake.

Answer 3

I have a 2 year old and he doesn't really understand time-out yet so finds it funny, plus I don't think time-out could be used in this type of situation as you would have to do it too long after the incident. I would suggest being firm instead by holding his hands and saying NO very firmly. Try to distract him on future trips like this. Take a book or talk about a picture on the wall, or somewhere he went earlier that day. You could resort to bribery - a lolly if he sits nicely (for a 2 year old this can be no longer then 5 - 10 minutes).
He must understand hitting and biting is not allowed. But tell him firmly and then quickly move on to the above distractions this way the bad behaviour doesn't get too much attention.
If this is the only time he has behaved this way then he was probably really bored and frustrated. Try to think of ways to include him next time and anticipate when he's getting fed-up before he starts to misbehave.

Answer 4

Please ignore the people recommending you combat violence with more violence. If you hit him he'll learn it's ok to use force against someone smaller than himself and just think of the consequences of that for when he goes to nursery/preschool!

I agree with the people saying to give him a time out - use the supernanny technique and put him on a 'naughty step' or chair for 2 minutes (the number of minutes should be the same as his age I think). If he doesn't obey and gets off the step/chair, put him back without speaking to him and start the time again. Eventually he will get the message and stay put until you say he can get down and that puts you in control.

And the other option is withdrawal of toys.

Give him a suitable warning first before taking action, explain what you will do if he continues behaving badly and explain that his behaviour is unacceptable. Then carry out your threat if he continues. It really won't take long for him to realise Mummy means business and is the one in control here.

Also, don't show him you're upset, even if he tries crying to get you to relent. Ignore him. Do not apologise when the punishment is over as this will undo your good work. He may seem a little wary or resentful at first, but more than likely he'll actually want a cuddle instead, it's ok to cuddle him but tell him he mustn't be bad like that again. If you can do all that you'll be surprised at how quickly he comes around to your way of thinking, and no violence or pain involved!

Answer 5

If it were my two yr old, she'd have been strapped into her buggy and told face to face that what she had done was wrong and then ignored. If it continued she'd have had her bum smacked and as for biting, she'd have been bitten (not too hard, obviously!!) Two year olds don't really know that they're "being bad" they're single minded, they want to be in the middle of everything and react badly to being told they can't, it's only natural.

Answer 6

Do not hit him back!!! Pretend to cry usually makes them upset and then they feel sorry, also stress saying sorry. Try a time out or naughty corner. My yooungest is 21 months and after trying the above I don't even have to raise my voice, just frown and he knows he has done wrong and even says sorry. Also if he is put in the corner he does know he has done wrong. Try it, stick with it though as it does take some time and a lot of patience. All the best!

Answer 7

I've been dealing with a little kid myself lately [cousin 3 years old] and let me tell you she's a handfull, but you have to show em who's boss! Let em know you will spank them if it comes down to it, but try other things first .. time outs, standing in the corner, take cartoons away, etc. Or you could even bribe him, that works as well. I also think you should sit him down & find out why he's doing those things, did he see someone else doing that, does he not know its wrong, etc. Teach him whats right, and if he doesnt listen .. beat his little tushy! Good luck =]

Answer 8

Some of these answer haven't taken in the account of you being in a doctors office which would need more appropriate actions. I do feel for you though as I wouldn't want this to happen to me and I don't know what I would do if I was in the same situation.

Answer 9

Fit throwing is absolutely not allowed. Explain it to your 2 year old before you take him anywhere and tell him what the punishmet will be if he's naughty.

With that kind of violet behavior he needs to be shown how it feels. If he hits your face once, tell him "NO" and that it hurt mommy. If he does it again, hit him back. Biters must be stopped immediately and I broke mine with one bite back. He never bit me or anyone else ever again.

If all these fail, locate a book by Jim Fay and Foster Kline called "Parenting Children with Love and Logic." It is full of creative ideas in consequencing children.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

you really need to seek proffessional help for this before it gets out of hand. being firm whilst calm, hold your ground. children need to know who is boss (just like pets), i used to make mine sit on the bottom step(away from tv etc) for ten minute intervals...this is not very long but is an eternity to a child.(use kitchen timer and add extra minute for broken silence or movement. lifting your hand or raising your voice means you have already lost the battle. stare-out sometimes helps. i am not an expert but have 2 children 12/14 who are very well behaved, sometimes it seems easy to 'give-in' for a quiet life, this just makes it harder in the long run. stay firm, make the rules and stick by them. hope this helps, good luck. steph x