How do I stop being suspecious or paranoid about my man?

Question

My sister doesn't like my honey. She thinks he is crafty. Eversince then I have been paranoid & worry too much about my man. I don't accuse him of anything but I do get upset & sometimes cry and don't tell him what I am suspecting of. Once we have an open communication about the situation I find out that I was jumping into conclution or missunderstood him. I am very insecure about myself too & he notices that sometimes. I feel bad many times for suspecting him. My sister thinks he changes his tune to cover his butt. I love him with all my heart & I would give my life for him. My sister known to cause problems with family members & she is known to lie alot. She is very deceitful & makes you think that she is caring & I fell for a tricks many times & she keeps confusing me. She has a problem with all the people I love which includes my mother. She lives miles away from me but still has an impact on my life. How do I stop suspecting my man? Should I do something special for him?

Answer 1

Stop listening to your sister and start trusting your own judgement. If your man is true to you, you'll know it by his own actions. If you have too many opportunities to be unsure of what he says, that gut feeling is probably right, and if you get to that point, you don't need proof, you just move on. Someone who makes you wonder repeatedly, isn't giving you what a relationship is supposed to be about. If you have no reason to doubt him, you'll feel that too. Stay in touch with your sister, but if she's an instigator and frequently negative, tell her you don't want to hear that stuff and if she continues with it, hang up. You only get one family. Don't shut your sister out but just don't buy into gossip or games, and learn to trust in your own judgement. It's usually the best guide.

Answer 2

First of all do you trust him, l noticed that you said until you sister aka the trouble maker said something about it you were fine... take that into consideration, has he ever made any attempt or done anything out of the ordinary that would cause you to suspect him of something, if not don't worry about it, tell your "honey" what has happened and if he is any kind of man he will be honest with you. I am an insecure person myself and sometimes I let my emotions and others get the best of me and that can really cause problems for you and your relationship. I suggest you let him know how you are feeling I am sure that he doesn't like to see you cry not knowing why.

I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you and your rowdy sister in my prayers.

-HD

Answer 3

You've got to realize that your anxiety and his actions are two separate things. Imagine the worst case. Suppose he's cheating. Suppose he leaves you, or you leave him. Well, good riddance right? Fixating yourself on the anxiety of "what if" is all about YOU and your insecurity. You can get over this by controlling your own emotions.

As for his actual behavior ... you should probably tell him everything you're thinking, including that your neurotic sister has put a seed of doubt in your mind, and let him know you need his help establishing more trust. He shouldn't have a problem with that if he's innocent. Go with your gut feeling - do you feel like your sister is right or do you feel angry at her for trying to keep you from being happy? (It sounds like the latter to me.)

Answer 4

You need to show him that you trust in him. Then you will start to feel better. When you have the feeling that you think something is up, tell him, but don't make it seem like an accusation, just a question. If he becomes extremely defencive..than I am sorry to tell you...there is something up. If he looks you right in the face and tells you that he is faitfull...ect....then believe him. You will only regret it if you don't. I have been n the same situation recently. But it wasn't my sister, but my mother, that was trying to ruin my relationship. Keep a smile on your face and tune out what your sister says. You obviously know that she is not very trustworthy..listen to your heart.

Answer 5

You answered your own question partially...Stop listening to and believing in your deceitful sister....I mean it. Just because she is your sister doesn't mean you have to believe in her or have a relationship with her, especially if she lies, and makes you question yourself....any loved one should be supportive of your feelings and thoughts, not bring you down when there is no evidence to prove he is anything but sincere...As for your insecurity and distrust, get a hold of yourself. If he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't be. Look in the mirror everyday and tell yourself some affirmations like " I am a good person, I deserve love, I am lovable, I am pretty, etc." These will help you resolve your insecurity eventually. Plus open communication that you spoke of is the best answer for both of your problems. Sugar, settle down. Your relationship with your self and with him will be a lot easier if you respect your own self and feelings and you respect his.. Stay away from that sister of yours it sounds like all she wants to do is bring you down and cause problems with your relationships...Maybe she feels better about herself when you are alone and lonely.....Some sisters are not good friends, trust me I have one like that.....Hope things work out for you.......

Answer 6

First of all your relationship is between you and your guy, not you and your guy and your sister. Stop allowing her to interfere. Have a very frank talk with her. I suspect she is probably a bit jealous of you and tell her that! I can relate to being insecure but you have to realize that is YOUR problem, not your guys. If he hasn't done anything to make you suspicious than you owe it to him and you and your relationship to put your fears aside and have faith. Hey, we all get hurt but if we just shelter ourselves away we really aren't living our life, now are we?
Have faith in yourself. What you are probably really scared of is how you would handle it if he did do something but you can't live your life in fear of that. You will be fine. I bet you find your relationship takes on a whole new meaning when you just relax, breath and life your live.

Answer 7

plain and simple; sister is extremely toxic, a crazy maker who wants you to be miserable and in pain for her own narcissistic needs. avoid her forever, and I'm not kidding!

Love your man as always. Develop great communication skills with him. It is necessary for you top ask without sounding crazy. Contribute to him as you do, IN a loving way. Save special moments for special things.

If you do find out for certain, however, somehow, he is cheating, and he has lied, dump him ASAP, because it will continue despite begging. It is pathological. It is possible people see you as easy to take advantage of. Usually if all the contributing to a relationship is one sided. Ask yourself, it is it one sided where i do all the contribution and he takes and does give? If that is so demanded that of him, but do it by asking him to do things., If he refuses, it is dump his butt time, without a doubt.

Answer 8

If you really think your sister is THAT deceitful, then why are you putting so much stock into her opinion? Has she ever vocalised a legitimate reason for why she feels this way? If not, then I'd say you just have a meddling sister....don't let her do your thinking for you.

Answer 9

Sweetheart, you need counseling when you can't trust anyone it seems.

If you know your sister is a liar, and causes problems for others, why even listen to her?

Only become suspisious with your honey if you notice changes. Changes in his habits, behavior, phone calls, emails, cell numbers, him making excuses why he isn't coming home like he use to.

IF you don't go get counseling, your doomed to being this way with anyone and everyone in your life.

Answer 10

Who's dating this guy? You or your Sister? OK, so she has her reservations about the guy! I take it you weren't suspicious before your sister stuck her oar in!

If you trust him, then don't take any notice of your Sister. If she's known to cause problems etc, why even let her opinion bother you! rise above it!