How do I tell my future mother-in-law that her house is dirty and I don't want to stay there?

Question

the house is very dirty, dusty and moldy, especially in the bathroom (carpet as floor). Everytime I stay there I feel discusting and not clean, sometimes my face breaks out.
They expect us to stay there every time we visit.
We will get married in that town next year, which means we'll have to stay at their house for at least a week before the wedding. my face will break out again! I'll look horrible on the day of my wedding!
If I tell her, she'll be insulted, because she doesn't see the dirt.

how do I get out of staying at their house?

Answer 1

Boy that's a tough one!
Can you discuss this with your fiancee? Does he see it too or does he ignore it? Hopefully he sees the lack of cleanliness and understands how you feel?
If he does, maybe he could suggest some solutions to his parents, maybe you both could help clean or buy a gift certificate for them for a professional cleaner?? This could be tricky, if this will create too many problems, don't bother! You do not need extra stress when you are getting married!
The other option is to explain to fiance that you have allergies to mold and dust and that you need to stay elsewhere for the sake of your health! Make sure to plan lots of visits with them if you stay elsewhere. No one should argue that point! Let your fiance approach your future in-laws with any solutions, not you, trust me on that one!
The other issue may be if you are planing on having kids. You won't want to have them staying over either!
Good Luck!

Answer 2

You could always clean up the mess that she does not see and just tell her that you want to freshen her house up a bit, without hurting her feelings. Or you and your fiance could inform her that because the wedding is so close that you two want to get a hotel room to stay at so you can have some alone time to ensure that everything is properly prepared for the wedding. You might even want to have your fiance speak with his mother and inform her that she needs to clean up her house as there may be a lot of company coming to visit pre-wedding and so house needs to look **** and span, and that the pair of you will help her with this chore if she wants. Best of luck on whatever you decide and have a great wedding (one without your face breaking out. Ha!) Good luck.

Answer 3

First you need to have this discussion with your fiance, see what he has to say about the situation. Maybe he can let his mom know that it would be easier on everyone if the two of you stayed at a motel for the wedding, or the next time you are over for a visit, have your fiance take his mom out for the day and clean the house yourself, telling your mother n law that you just wanted to do something nice for her, that way she has no idea of what you think of her home. I hope all works out for you and the wedding.

Answer 4

Touchy subject but I totally understand where you're coming from. I once dated a guy and his parents kept a totally gross domain. What was worse was the guy knew the house was a mess but he didn't want to say anything to them. I am guessing you don't feel comfy talking to your fiance' about this.

Is it possible to stay in a hotel before the wedding? For example get a few girls from the bridal party to go in on a room or "act" as if it's a girl's ritual before the wedding?

If that doesn't work - maybe you can offer a maid service prior to staying there. Tell the mom since she's so nice to offer her home before the wedding you'd like to thank her by paying for free housekeeping service to clean up your mess (we know you won't be messy...but roll with it) and then just request the services to be done BEFORE you get to the house. Act as if there was a mix up on dates for the service or say that was the only time the maid could come.

Answer 5

One thing is for sure, you can not tell her her house is dirty and that's why you don't want to stay there.
If you have other relatives you an stay with, just tell her they asked you to stay with them to spend some time with you because they don't get to see you, or you could stay in a hotel.
Your face breaking out probably has more to do with the stress you feel when you are there, than it does the dirt in the house. If you end up staying there, try to relax a bit. Focus less on the dirt and more on your upcoming nuptials instead. I feel your pain. My husbands grandma's house is awful. It wreaks of animals and the dust and dirt is all I see, but she is a great lady, so when we visit, I try to put on my blinders and enjoy her company. We had to house sit for her for a week once. I didn't think I was going to make it, but I did.

Answer 6

First of all, that is not a good conversation to have with your soon to be mother-in-law . Second, it is not a discussion to have with your fiance - I would think he would be offended if he grew up there. I would suggest that you stay in a nearby hotel and tell her that the both of you want time alone and away in town. Otherwise, I would get there early and tell her you want to clean for the many visitors. Go to the store and buy LOTS of cleaning supplies and BLEACH and start cleaning. If you are not up to helping the lady out - Stay in the hotel and QUIT COMPLAINING.

Answer 7

I have heard before on Dear Abby, this same question. I believe her answer was somewhere along the lines, of rent a hotel to stay out of, and tell them that it was already paid for as a wedding gift from friends/family, and is non-refundable....it saves face, you dont have to start off on the wrong foot w/MIL, and maybe that you and your fiance prefer your privacy when you visit...... hopefully you find a solution that works for you. OR have your man bring it up to her......it is HIS MOM. He should understand how you feel, if the hotel thing is not an option.

Answer 8

Tell her that you don't want to stress her out by taking over her house for the week. Explain that if you stay in a hotel, SHE won't have to worry about cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. Make it sound like you're doing HER a favour, and mention that it would stress you out if you were worrying about stressing her out.

Or you could pull the old "It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!"

Just be firm but kind, either way. Don't get all bridezilla on her, but don't let her or your fiance sway your decision.

Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 9

Don't tell her anything. The last thing you want to do is insult her this early in the relationship. Tell her that someone, anyone who is close to you, has already paid for a hotel for that week for you. Make sure you coordinate that with whoever you are choosing to cover your tracks. That will get you out of that one. Invite her to spend some time with you at the hotel too.

Answer 10

Actually, I think you might want to push this one onto your fiance. Is he aware of the problem? If he is aware, he'll have a better way of explaining things to his mother. She's going to be insulted whether you tell her or not, but it will lessen the blow if it comes from him.
The alternative, if he either isn't aware of the problem or doesn't know how to tell her, is to tell him/have him tell her that you're really nervous and you'd like to spend the time together at a hotel so that there isn't so much pressure, so you don't inconvenience them, blah blah. She should understand that you don't want to spend the week before such a huge event with anyone's parents.