How can i get him to understand he is controlling?

Question

I have this boyfriend we are on a break right now because he says he cant trust me. I have never done anything wrong but he always thinks i am hiding something. Because of this i have had to give up friends and stop talking to guys...even tho i have no physical or emotional attraction to them. He always checks my text messages and my calls and insists i delete ones from other guys. He often tells me that i cant talk to guys if they like me or think i am attractive. It seems like he calls me or texts me every ten minutes to check on me and ask me what i am doing or who i am with, when i tell him he says that i am lying.He has made me stop doing things that i used to even tho he does them, he also tells me that if i do them again that he wont talk to me anymore. I hate how he controls me but i love him and i want him to understand that he is. People(other than myself) have told him that he is but he denies it and gets offended. how can i get him to see that he is controlling?

Answer 1

Just remember something, once a person is controlling they'll always be controlling..and it never gets better unless he understand his problem and not just accepts his problem..but gets help for it! You should never EVER have to stop talking to your friends. Usually when people are upset like that...they are hiding something themselves. I would suggest staying on this break and try to look down at your problem (although its hard to put aside the feelings) and ask yourself...do you really want to be with somebody like this? There IS somebody out there better. God bless!

Answer 2

I used to be in a similar situation. first off, i know you must really want to make things work because if you did'nt then you would'nt be asking for help because the answer then if you did'nt like him obviosly would have been to break up with him. It seems to me that this guy really likes you but he does'nt know how to control his feelings for you emotionally. you 2 need to sit down and eally talk. Tell him that he is way too jealous and that part of being in a relationship is being able to trust. He needs to understand that you would never do anything to hurt him and that he has to start trusting you better and also be sympathetic of your feelings as well. be and look serious when you tell him. If he continues to act controlling then their is no trust in your relationship, therefore, there is no relationship.

Answer 3

You said you are on a break maybe you need to make it a permanent one. This man isn't controlling you he is just insecure and he is doing what he is accusing you of.
You may love him, but he doesn't feel the same for you because if he did you wouldn't be going thru these things right now. He is the one in the wrong he knows this and it's preying on his conscience because he know you aren't doing anything it's all him.
You should never let someone control you because you are your own person.
You need to take some time now to take care of yourself and heal because he is someone you don't need in your life. He doesn't trust you and he isn't being faithful to you at all. It's not fair to you to be treated in this manner.

Answer 4

Must people who are controlling are that way because of some insecurities in themselves. They have either been hurt in the past by someone whom they cared about or saw someone hurt whom they loved very much. And sometime the person who is accusing you of cheating is the one who is really doing the cheating, I'm not saying that's whats happening in this case, but I advise you to be very careful because sometimes it gets worse instead of better. Continue to look for red flags, and if he can't learn to trust you, maybe you don't need to be with him. One more thing, keep your friends close because you'll probably need them. One guy is not worth all your friends. Good luck! And keep us posted.

Answer 5

He is extremely insecure and you need to be aware of that. Men like him you DO NOT need. It is not flaterring and frankly I would be scared. Get out of the relationship before he starts stalking you (he probably already is) or hits you in the face breaking your nose, punches you in the gut or breaks a few ribs or possibly play Russian roulette. His problem is more than "controlling". He has major issues for some reason with women. I would get away as fast as I could if I were you.

Answer 6

If hes a young guy and i mean under 20 he is scared of lossing you he loves you too and wants to do any thing in his power from lossing you even if it means going crazy.. but you have to understand that if he makes you unhappy explaine to him that he's upseting you and that if he cant trust you how can you trust him.... Trust is the biggest part of a relationship if you dont have trust you dont have anything and you wont it will be nothing but fighting for the rest of time

Answer 7

All you can do is talk things out. Guys are naturally jealous, but some guys, as in his case, are a bit overboard with it. Just make sure that when you do talk to him that you do it in a non-threatening or angry tone. Relationships are based on trust. If one party does not trust the other it will not last.

Answer 8

no way, if your with a boy that calls you all the time and controlls you then thats telling you to dump him! he may look like a nice guy but I heard that a girl was with her boyfriend one time and he kept being mean to her and she still would not dump him and finally he killed her. you don't want to end up like that girl do you? I say you dellete all contacts from him on your phone, computer, and if you have a bank acount or something he can tell where you have been shopping. then firmly break up with him and tell him that if you can't even look at a boy then you arent soposed to be with him. it may sound sad to break up with him but you gotta before he dos something more mean. hope it works for you, from coin chick.

Answer 9

You can't. He has a psychological problem that makes him think his behavior is normal. He is not normal, but like almost everyone with a pathology, he truly believes he is. Unless he comes to the realization on his own that he needs help, he will never truly change. He may pretend to change to get you to stay (always hoping inside that YOU will one day see the light and agree to bend over to be his whipping girl).

You need to break it off with this guy or resign yourself to a life as a slave under his thumb. There really is no middle ground with someone like this.

Answer 10

Drop him ASAP. You didn't specify ages but if he is like that now, it can only get worse. Don't you watch Oprah? Men like that turn it to physical abusive people. His controlling you is a form of abusive. Don't windup a statistic, get out now.