we have been together for three years. we have had the best time of our lives together. she said to me at the weekend that she didnt want to b in this relationship anymore. she says she still loves me and that i am the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with!! my heart is broke and i cant think of nothing else but her. we have been having petty arguments lately and she recieved some news lately that means she cant have babies. she is 21 and im 24! what can i do to convince her to stay together?? i feel as if it is the final curtain for us!
2006-11-30 02:36:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is going to sound like the strangest advice, but the first thing you need to do is AGREE with her, even if you don't. Do everything in your power to see her point of view. Even if some of the things coming out of her mouth are criticisms about you. Just AGREE. When you are agreeable, you guys will start to feel like a team again, even if you're agreeing to take a break!
The key is, agree to take a break, call it quits or whatever, but stay in touch. When you talk to one another, be pleasant, happy and agreeable. Be the man she fell in love with. When you first started dating, you weren't spending long hours discussing the state of your relationship were you? Having petty arguments? NO! She doesn't want to be with petty-argument-guy, she wants to be with fun-happy-go-lucky-agreeable guy.
Don't make all these promises that you can change, don't beg her to stay in this relationship, or cry, or profess all of your undying love etc, etc. All of these things are self-serving. These messages tell her "stay in the relationship because I NEED it or I WANT it" and disregard what she needs and wants. That'll push her more away.
Empathize, empathize, empathize, agree, agree, agree. I recommend the New York Times Bestseller book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" if this sounds like strange advice. Its meant for business folks, but is VERY applicable here.
On a side note, my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me out of the blue. We were very much in love and it seemed so random and sudden. We didn't speak for 2 months, when we finally did, I applied all the above strategies and guess who showed up on my doorstep?
The definition of insanity, according to Einstein, is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Stop what you are doing and do the opposite.
I wish you the best of luck!
2006-11-30 02:46:45 · answer #1 · answered by SummerPixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow her some breathing space to sort things out. After a week or two you might want to ask her if she would like to go out (to a favourite restaurant or someplace special to the two of you) and just have a date like in the early stages of your relationship. She may be ready by then to discuss issues with you that are bothering her, ie: not being able to have children. You are going to have to keep an open mind and be honest and communicate with her very freely your thoughts and feelings also. She may actually believe that you will think less of her because of this news she has gotten recently and so her self esteem may be very low. Tell her how much you love her and that there is nothing that can stop you from doing this as this may help her feel better also. I hope that all does work out for you and her but if not you'll have to continue on with a broken heart for a while until you are over grieving the loss of this relationship.
2006-11-30 02:43:59 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what has happened is she probably still has feelings for you, but since you were the one who called off the relationship in the first place, she is being very reserved. She doesn't want to get hurt again. She is guarding her heart, which is understandable. She also probably thinks that you don't really know what you want. She doesn't want to take a chance on being with someone who changes his mind every so often. Take her advice, go out with other women, this will help you to be sure if she is the one you really want to be with. Better to do this now than if you were to marry. You need to give her a break and you need to take a break also. Remember, you were the one who called it off in the beginning. If things are meant to be for the two of you, in the long run it will happen.
2016-05-23 04:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you can not control what she does. There is a chance that the news she has received has influenced her decision for several reasons. The only thing you can do is accept the fact that she will do what she wants to do. If you try to convince her to stay, you may end up regretting it. Give her some space, maybe she's just scared about some things.
If it is truly that you two are meant to be together, you will be. Don't "wait" around for her, but back off a bit and support her. If she truly does decide that you two must be apart, then that's the best thing to accept. Have enough self respect and self esteem not to want to be with someone who "doesn't want to be with you". if that is truly the case.
Good Luck.
2006-11-30 02:43:39 · answer #4 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed children? If so, she may just be acting out. If this is the case, let her know that you love her regardless. If this is not the case, you'll have to move on without her. If I were in your situation, I would just back off and see if she comes to you. Avoid her at all expenses and if she is still interested, you'll get a call. Three years is a long time, but she's 21 and you're just 24 - you've got time . . .
2006-11-30 02:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by downinmn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you can't make anyone stay with you. She probably wants to leave because of the fact that she can't have kids so she probably thinks that she can't give you eveything that you want out of life. Part of being in a relationship is being happy so she wants you to be happy even though it might not be with her. All you have to do is face the facts it might hurt now but that comes in having your heart broken. All you have to do is keep yo head up- you live and you learn and throughout everything there is something to learn. Life's lesson-some are hard and some are easy depending on which way you take it.
2006-11-30 02:58:23 · answer #6 · answered by babygurl_vicki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably really heart broken about not being able to have kids. I think you guys should really talk all of this over and you need to find out exactly what is making her say that she needs a break. I know that if I was engaged and THEN found out that I couldnt have children, I would be freaking out.
Did you perhaps talk about wanting to have kids one day when youre married and all that? If so, she is probably worried that you won't want to be with her if she can't have kids.
Just reassure her and tell her you love her and exactly what you just told us.
Good luck.
Seriously, engaged for two years? Shouldn't you have tied the knot by now? :o)
2006-11-30 02:41:00 · answer #7 · answered by Barbi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her don't give up. My fiancee and I have been having problems too. Even talked about splitting but he loves me and I love him. It might not be enough to hold us together forever but for now it will do. If you fiancee just found out she can't have kids her whole life plan probaly went into flames. Every girl wants a husband with a family and maybe she thinks with no family there shouldnt be a husband. Don't pressure her but tell her you can live with her without kids. Maybe you can adopt or if you do want your own kids then this relationship is not for you. Make sure you talk to her maybe she thinks you will leave her one day for a girl that can have your kids and thats why she wants to end it now with less pain. Email mt blazinbutterfly1988@yahoo.com after you talk to her and let me know how it goes.
2006-11-30 02:46:01 · answer #8 · answered by actresskm_nc88 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life sux sometimes. But trust me, you'll get over it. Give her the space she needs right now. Get involved with work, charity, a hobby, anything to get your mind off of things for a while. If you and her were really ment to be together, you will be. If not, you will find someone you love just as much, if not more. You guys are still young and have plenty of time to meet other people and see if you are really ment for each other. If you believe in Jesus Christ, now would be a pretty good time to ask him to help you through this tough time in your life. He will ya know.
2006-11-30 02:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont lose hope,tell her the things you can do to her if He still choose to stay because sometimes it is normally to feel that suddenly you thought your out of Love anymore maybe because shes used on your relationship but I know deep in her heart She still Loves you..You know you have to exert more effort now spend more time on her and make suprises.. anything...tell her no matter what, you will still hold on to your relationship even that news make her broke..tell Her your the kind of guy that would stick to her even on the diffucult times that no other man can handle..goodluck..
2006-11-30 02:46:43 · answer #10 · answered by 3sh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋