Should I dump him just because of his job?

Question

So I'm dating an APD cop, and he's a real nice guy and he's pretty cool too, but it seems like his job is just too demanding and he has no time for me, and when we do have time together it's so limited. Is it so shallow to dump him just because his work is too demanding?

Answer 1

If you really think your boyfriend's current job is seperating you from your him, then i'd suggest that you tell him to find a new job^^ Don't dump him, though xD

Answer 2

If you require more attention from a partner, obviously he isn't the right choice for you. Everyone is different, some people need more time together to be happy. What would be "shallow" is if you are only dating him because he is a "cop".

My husband is a retired police K9 officer, so please believe me when I tell you I "understand". We have been married for 34 years, raised three great kids, and are still very happy. But I have seen a lot of other relationships "fail". It isn't easy to accept that you may not always come "first" in his life.

Their job can be very demanding. They can't always leave when their shift is over, they work on holidays and weekends. They get called in on their days off. If you work, you may go for days without seeing him because he is working a different shift. He may have to go to court on his day off. These are all things you need to be aware of and be able to accept "if" you want to date him.

It doesn't make you a bad or "shallow" person if you are not able (or willing) to accept this. Talk to him, explain how you feel. I'm sure it won't be "news" to him. Ultimately you have to decide what you want from a relationship. If you need to be number "one" in someones life, and you like having a normal "schedule", you may need to look elsewhere.

I am very proud of my husband and the profession he choose. I wouldn't trade our life together for anyone or anything. I made the right decision for myself, but I can't speak for anyone else. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 3

I wouldnt necessarily say its shallow but its more so a personal preference. It is really hard on a relationship when someone's career interferes with time that you need and want to spend with your significant other...I know from personal experience (my husband is out of town 3-5 days per week). It is really tough on me but he is such a wonderful, fun and loving person that I would rather spend what time I can, even though it is not enough, than to be without him all together. I guess that is the way you have to look at it...do you truly enjoy the time you do get to spend with him and does it mean alot to you? If you can answer yes to that question than that is what is important. If the relationship is not that important to you then it probably better that you find companship with someone else.

Answer 4

Well, I don't know what an "APD cop" is, but if he works in law enforement, you're always going to take second seat to his A.) duties, B.) cop friends and C.) family, so get used to it. As for you're being shallow, judging by your photo: I'd say so...
By the way: Cops usually date one of two types: service people(nurses, waitresses, etc) or hookers/strippers/decorations.

Answer 5

If you like him as much as you say and feel that he is cool then yes it would be shallow to dump him because of his job. He is obviously still a young man in the early stages of his career and as such is trying to gain the respect and trust of his peers as well as to show them how capable he is of doing his job.

Answer 6

Yes and no. It's hard not to be with someone you like a lot but a lot of women that end up marrying men that have to travel or work a lot end up divorced because it's too much. Think about the long run do you think it would last.

Answer 7

Give it some more time. I do have many friends that are married, happily too, to cops. I also know some that could not hack the many interruptions in their lives.
However, if you love him and you believe he loves you, then that alone deserves a chance.
As long as you know what to expect, you will find common ground where your time together will be very special and very meaningful.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Anytime you date a person who is a public servant, such as a policeman/women, you have to be opened to long work hours, and if you really like this person, you accept that this is what they do or you can make a chose to find someone with a less demanding job

Answer 9

I started to write, yeah dump him he deserves better than you, but when I read the whole question, I realize you are serious and you do have a legitimate concern. I don't know what to tell you. His job isn't going to get any better... are you going to change? How serious is the relationship? The only one that can answer this question is you. Sit him down and tell him your concerns. See what he says. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I wouldn't call it shallow. When considering a relationship with somebody, you need to see if you're compatible. If you feel that you don't get enough attention from him because of his job, you'll feel that way all through your relationship. This is ovbiously making you unhappy, so you should tell him how you feel. If he's serious about your relationship, he'll work to make you happier. If he isn't, he won't, and you should move on.

Answer 11

The question is are you happy. If he is not satisfying your needs now, it's better to leave b4 you get comfortable. Seems like he already made his choice, work. That's the problem with us women we try to change men. We all want to be the women that makes a man want to be different. NOT going to happen. I say forget what people think, do it.