I am getting married spring of 2007. My fiance & I We found an appartment we liked. Application fee & the rent on the appartment will be taken out automatically from the account. I have a bank account which I haven't used in awhile & I have less than $100 there. Now my fiance wants 2 use that account 2 pay rent. He lives with his folks now & I live with my mom. I am a victim of Id theft & I don't feel comfortable about this whole thing. Because he is protecting his name & account info while my account is being used 4 rent. I am not sure if I will be putting my paycheck on that account. Sometime ago we agreeded to open an account together after we get married.We also agreed once I have children I would not b working.So is this a big deal? Right now he has joint account with his folks & he pays some of their bills.He told me he wants to keep everything the same. He has cellphone plans with them 2. He told me once we would get a plan 2gether but now he says we should keep our old plan.
2006-11-30 01:55:33 · 11 answers · asked by Hot C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's this simple: Money can ruin a marriage. In fact, study after study has shown that it's the number one problem in marriages, and the number one cause of divorce.
FYI There is an excellent article on marriage and finances linked below... but what other people say is right or wrong is less important than what ultimately works for not "either or" but the "both" of you.
What stood out to me in your question is that there seems to be some trust issues between the two of you. Ministers often throw out the admonition "marriage is not to be entered into lightly" so in the interest of your future happiness I think you should consider these words and work these issues out with your betrothed BEFORE doing anything else.
Call me old-fashioned or even naive, but I believe marriage is a covenant, a life-long binding commitment, a union of two people who desire to become "one flesh". Traditionally couples promise to love each other "in sickness and in health" and "for richer or for poorer" (although some have chosen to omit or change these to better suit their comfort). Therefore in my mind it stands to reason that upon setting marital sail faith and trust should be the prevailing winds.
You state that you've been a victim of identity fraud and certainly that experience would make any person more cautious about their spending habits and the security of their accounts... but what does this have to do with your husband to be? Suspicious minds?
You say you agreed to manage your finances a certain way when you get married but now your fiancee has unilaterally decided to do it differently... Why?
Sounds to me like its time for you two to have a good heart to heart. If you can't be honest and forthright about your expectations, feelings, and issues now that is a bad sign. If you can't come to a mutually satisfactory agreement about how to handle the number one marriage breaker now, well... you do the math!
2006-11-30 03:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by videoguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For all bills that will be shared including the rent open a joint account that you will both contribute to. Do not use your own even if you trust him. Keep separate accounts but for bills open the joint one. Put your paycheck into your private account and transfer only your portion of the money into the other account. Protect yourself! Even if you trust him.
I don't believe in splittig everything down the middle--one person may make a lot more money and so the other person is ending up without any extra money. The bills should be split but the person who makes more should pay more so that you are both only paying the same percent of you income to the bills. (this prevents one person-usually the woman--from living poorly while the other person has a lot of extra cash.
2006-11-30 02:45:27 · answer #2 · answered by artimis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...
You need to have some seperate finances, but also joint. Having a joint account is helpful, as is having your own seperate account to work out of for personal things, gifts, etc.
It is my philosophy that when you get married, you end most financial ties with other family members. Once married, you are trying to become an independent unit, and you cannot do that if he has to worry about giving Mom money for the cell phone bill, etc.
If he isn't willing to let go of those ties, he probably has the wrong view of marriage or isn't ready to get married. He shouldn't have an account with his PARENTS! If he's a husband and an eventual father, he must put you first, and include you, not them, in the day to day financial decisions of the household.
2006-11-30 03:43:49 · answer #3 · answered by snowbunnygirl1980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur kidding right? he doesn't share his account with his parents???
that is crazy.... its the parents that should be helping you guys out, not him helping them..... they are the parents after all.
i can see ur going to have a tough time with your in laws.
First of all i would tell him that as soon as that plan is up then that is it... his parents are to get their own plan.
Second: Go and open an account together, and add his name to the one that the rent will be coming out of.. then open ur own so that u can deposit ur cheques into it if u want. Cause u will still want to have ur own account just in case anything ever happen (god forbid it) but its good to still have ur Independence with those kind of things.
Third: Tell him that these changes need to be done because he is now starting a new life with u and that ur finances need to be separate and personal from his parents . and how are u guys going to pay ur bills or even save for a house if he is always paying out money for bills that aren't even his.
Just sit him down and tell him these are ur worries, u might be surprised at what he says once he realizes how much this bothers u !
Best of Luck
2006-11-30 03:46:28 · answer #4 · answered by laydenirvine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that before you get married you need to fix the financial part of your relationship and get a joint account for the apartment and all bills for the apartment gas electric all food ,you should both have half of your pay checks payed into the joint account.He can't keep everything the same as you will be getting married soon and he will still be paying his half to his parents ,where does that leave you financially will you be paying ever thing from your account go to the bank and get it sorted or you will loose out , Does it occur to your fiance that you will be wed soon and he can't keep paying into his parents.
2006-11-30 02:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by Mea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I disagree with Blunt. One of the biggest sources of fights among couples is money management, so you two need to sort this out before ANY commitments are made - including renting an apartment. The first step is to open a joint account. You agree in advance who will deposit how much in it each month, who will manage it, and what bills will be paid out of it. Meanwhile, you keep your own private account for personal purchases.
And yes, this IS a big deal. Your boyfriend seems reluctant to cut the apron strings. He can't "keep everything the same" when you are married; he needs to sever the financial relationships with mom and dad, and rebuild them with you. If he cannot commit to that...I would think real hard about whether you want to marry into this shaky situation.
2006-11-30 02:13:02 · answer #6 · answered by keepsondancing 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Of course you should be worried! He's controlling. It's not just about the money or the job, theirs something else going on. He's also not considering your feelings. Have you told him how you feel? When people are married they become 1 and he's not ready to do that. Does he really want to marry you? He's also taking advantage of the little that you do have. Also, if he's still sharing an account with his parents then something is terribly wrong.
2006-11-30 02:52:38 · answer #7 · answered by tonja20770 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay well once you both get married NO more mommy and daddy stuff. He needs to STOP paying any of their bills, you guys are going to have bills of your own and yes you need to get a NEW account with both your names in it along with a new Plan of cell phone with both your names in it..... tell your fiance its time to grow up and be an adult. GRRRR some guys have a hard time letting go. Sorry.
2006-11-30 03:00:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seperate accounts ofcoarse work efectively, but it is kinda like a pre-nup.. someone's feelings will get hurt and its really hard to create things together knowing there is a way out.. Good luck, this is challenging, but whatever you do, LIST EVERYTHING YOU ARE GOING TO SHARE, SEPERATE AND PAY FOR TOGETHER, DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL YOU DO.. IT WILL BE DEATH FOR YOUR MARRAIGE IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY PRECONCIEVED NOTIONS.
2006-11-30 03:00:48 · answer #9 · answered by 920135 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The secret to a long lasting meaningul relationship is separate checking accounts.
Good luck
2006-11-30 02:06:08 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋