how to say it.?

Question

My son is friends with a little boy "peter" he comes from a large family (6 others) and doesnt seem to have much in the way of toys clothes ect.The parents are how do i say bit on the rough side!!theyre quite tough with the kids eg smacking them on the head if they do something wrong(they bit scary actually i wouldnt want to get on the wrong side of them)he,s a lovely little guy but came to the door for my son yesterday with a thin jacket that you could shoot peas through. (we live in scotland)He came in to wait and was sitting shaking with the cold. I have another friend who has twin boys and she gives me a lot of clothes theyve outgrown.Was wondering how to ask this mother if she wants them without offending.Ended up giving him one of my sons jumpers to wear to school and he was so grateful i had a lump in my throat.Told him if he liked it that much he could keep it as my son never wears it which wasnt true.Now worried about what he said about jumper when he went home.any advice ??

Answer 1

just tell the mother that you have alot of extra clothes that you need to get rid of and if she would like to have them. Make it look like you just need to do some spring cleaning anyway. She may be very very grateful for the help. There are some people that have way too much pride to ask for help and dont notice how the children may be dealing with it.

Answer 2

I have done that before. I thought i was being kind and felt so sorry for the child in question. It was gratefully received and made me happy. A couple of months down the line i saw the mother and some of her friends in the local shop, they turned around and gave me dirty looks, i walked up to them and asked them what the matter was and was told that i should be ashamed to give my children's rubbish to others. I was so hurt, the clothes was in perfect condition.
Once i also gave a perfect set of Curtains, basically brand new to a lady who had no curtains in her lounge, she took them and thank me. Went over there one day to fetch a book the borrowed and their the curtains were on the floor, covering the washing machine. One of the curtains was used to cover the dogs pee.
It breaks my heart when i see the toys, furniture etc that is thrown away in UK. In Sa you just stuck it outside your house and a few seconds later someone who really needs it would ask you if they could have it. No waste and you are helping others.

Answer 3

Just offer it. If they say no, they say no. But I think that little boy will be SO grateful if you at least asked. That's too bad he has to live a life like that, I feel bad for him.

If his parents end up saying no to any clothing - just make sure when he comes to visit your house, you do whatever you can to make him feel cared about - even if it's a simple cup of hot chocolate or a cookie - I'm sure he'll be over the moon with your kindness. :)

Hey I just thought of another idea! If you still feel uncomfortable about asking his parents, why don't you put a bunch of clothes and/or toys (whatever you can afford) on their doorstep one night with a note that says 'From Santa' - that way, no one knows it's from you and I bet the parents won't mind letting their kids have it then.

Answer 4

If anyone mentions it to you just tell them that you didnt intend any offence and that you are sorry if you caused any and if they dont seem too bothered by it ask if they would mind you passing on more clothes as you dont want to throw away clothes that still have a lot of wear in them and their son is the only one you know who is the correct size.

Answer 5

Just tell her that you have all these extra clothes that your kids cant wear anymore and your trying to see if anyone wants them before you just throw them away.

Don't make it seam like you think she is poor and her son looks horrible. Your just wondering if she is interested or else they will get thrown away.

Or when he comes over to play put something nice on him and tell his mom the he messed the other thing up so you changed his clothes so he wouldn't be dirty. (smear mud on the old clothes if you have to lol)

Or since Christmas is near and he is friends with your kids you could get him a few things and rap it up. This way its a present!

Answer 6

well i have a large family six girls two boys and i give my kids clothes to a number of people. just say i got a bag of boys clothes i;ve been given do you want them for peter if not i'll take them to the charity shop .my friends and neighbors all way say yes and some have only the one child but if there in good condition no one will get offended good luck

Answer 7

I see mothers (usually big fat one's) with toddlers wearing next to nothing, whilst they (the mothers) are wrapped up in big coats. Saw one the other day - mother fully dressed - coated and booted, child in pyjamas with no socks or shoes on, stood in a bus queue. I could have smacked the mother - surely she's abusing the child by not clothing her properly?
Getting back to your question - I would just ask the parents of this little boy, if they wanted the spare clothes - they can either be offended or not - but you've done your bit.

Answer 8

It's heart breaking isn't it.......

Worse thing is some people are really 'funny' about others offering them clothes etc, they see it as an insult rather than a help.
Maybe every morning when the kid calls for your boy offer him another jumper and build his stuff up like that.

It's a hard one hun,

Good luck, sorry couldn't be of more help!

Answer 9

That's sad. If I were you I would just say casually that your friend gave you a load of clothes but there is too many there for your son, then ask them if they would get any use out of them. Say it seems like a waste to just throw them out. You don't have to say that they need to dress their kids properly or anything, just make it seem like you're taking some but there are some left that you don't want to just throw out if anyone else can get some use out of them. If you don't make it seem like charity then they can't get offended.

Answer 10

I'd just tell the boy you have an extra coat you don't need and see if he wants it. Or if you want him to have all the clothes, say to the mom "I have a friend with twin boys and she gives me their outgrown clothes. Since I don't have twins I don't need them all- would you like some of them for Peter."