my mom and dad?

Question

my mom and dad are divorce and they can never agree on sumthing they always fight. Im 12 and my dad says when i turn 13 i can move in w/ him. But i dont feel ready cuz you cant really talk to dad about your problems anything that go through for being a girl, and i dont Know what to do. Sum times i think about moving in with my dad then i think about my mom and how she would feel like if i moved with in with my dad , then i think about my dad and and how it would make him feel it makes me want to scream! Either way i make a chioce i feel like ill be hurting one of them. And somtimes i think my dads brybing me to move in w/ him like he said we could get a dog. I dont know, what should i do stay w/ my mom or move in w/ my dad. HELP me

Answer 1

Oh sweetie, it sucks so bad when parents divorce and the kids get pulled back and forth and instead of being treated like kids they get treated like they are possessions. You're going to need your mom so much to help guide you through so many difficult situations in the future just as so you will need your dad to help guide you and protect you when you start dating. I'd gently sit down with your dad and tell him that you love him more than he could ever know and that you're glad they both love you so much that they both want you to live with them, but you'd rather stay where you are. Tell him it's not because you love her anymore than him, but because there are girl things that are going to come up that only she can handle and teach you about. For example mestruation and how to determine the right bra size...if you bring that up I'm sure he'll quickly see your point! Tell them both that you don't want to choose and that you aren't going to choose, that you would like to divide your time equally between them because you love them equally. Tell dad that during the school year you'd rather stay with mom and then spend your summers with him. It's not easy being you right now and when parents make you choose you feel like whatever you do you're going to make the other feel as if you don't love them. Well dear, if they really loved you they wouldn't put you in the middle and make you choose! I'm sure they do love you, they just aren't thinking about what they are doing to you by placing you in the middle. Unfortunately there is no easy way around this but to just talk to both of them about not liking to be placed in the middle because it makes you feel that whoever or whatever you choose the other will feel you don't love them and see what happens. Good luck with this sweetie, because this is going to be difficult, I imagine.

Answer 2

It a toughie. You sound very mature and sensible for your age, is there any way you could sit down with both your parents ( on neutral ground) and explain how you feel.

Explain that you love them both, but at the moment you wanna stay with your mum, cuz of your age and that you feel more comfortable talking to your mum about all those girlie things that men find so boring or don't understand but are a pretty big deal to a teenage girl.

Make it clear to your dad that you are not saying never just not right now.

who ever you end up living with make sure it because that's where you wanna be.

Good luck

Answer 3

I am so sorry that your mom and dad can't work this out better for you. Some parents have shared custody which means you would live with your dad part of the time and your mom part of the time. That may be easier for you. I would also ask if you have a family member, teacher, or minister that could talk to both of your parents to try to resolve this without having to have you in the middle, where you should not have to be, at your age.

Answer 4

Well, this really can only be answered by you and your parents. Speaking from experience - I would choose Mom's house. Wehn my parents divorced i had no choice but to live with my dad and 2 brothers. Talk about no support. I personally feel that mom will be able to advise and guide you more appoprately as she has already experienced what you are going through.

What you really need to do is take a good long look deep inside. Put their feelings aside and think about yourself for the time being. What is it that you really want? Who would you prefer to be with. Once you make that decision - ask mom and dad to sit down and talk together as gown ups. Let them know what you are thinking and how you feel as well as your decission. Your parents will be very proud of you for communicating like an adult with them and also for inculding them in your decision process. They will understand where you are coming from and they will love you regardless of your decision. That's what parent's do.

It is unfortunate that you feel like they are playing you against the other. But sometimes that happens without the parents even realizing they are doing that. Be as open and honest as possible with them and everything will be fine. If they start to argue during your conversation politly remind them that the conversation is about you and your feelings and ask them to get along long evnough to have a 'normal adult conversation'. They will appreciate your openness and honesty.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

Chances are you will feel more comfortable in your mothers home. Just because she is female, gave birth to you and there is a different bond between a mother and her child. However, I would strongly suggest that you sit both of your parents down together. Point blank tell then You did not ask to be DIVORCED. That is their war not yours leave the children out of it!! Tell them you will spend adequate time with both parents and that you will reside where you feel the most comfortable. In addition, remember you can not have the best of both worlds don't try to manipulate either parent to get what you want. It will be tough enough for you just to grow up under these circumstances let alone adding more term oil.
Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Stay with your mom and let your Dad know about your feelings. When you get older, about 17 or 18, you may change your mind. For now, it is probably best to stay with your mom because as you go through your first experiences as a teen, your mom will be able to help you much more than your dad most likely. Your dad will understand that it is not a competition, it is what is best for you.

Answer 7

It is a sad fact that children get caught in the middle of divorce, and that sometimes parents end up hurting their children, even if they don't mean to.

Why don't you talk to both your parents, and tell them how much you love them (both) but that you feel they are tugging you in two with the decision they are asking you to make. Then suggest to them that you spend 2 weeks or whatever with Mom, and then the same amount of time with Dad. That way you are giving them both what they want, and you don't have to decide who you want to live with permanently. Try it and good luck.

Answer 8

Your Dad is trying to bribe you, probably in some attempt to punish your Mom if he gets you instead of her, which no doubt, would hurt her deeply. I would suggest you look long and hard at where you should be for YOUR OWN GOOD, and not give into bribes. Tell your Dad you don't think its very nice of him to bribe you like that, and that your Mom is easier to talk to about girl stuff and thats just the way it is. Tell him you love him, but that bribery isn't the way to go (I know the temptation is probably great, but resist as all briberies come with strings attached and you don't want to agree to something you have no intention of doing do you?). Your parents fighting is well, their business and as adult business, they should keep it to themselves, If they try and involve you, let them know YOU WILL NOT TAKE SIDES no matter who is right or wrong. PERIOD! Good luck my dear, you sound way older than your years or your parents!

Answer 9

Unfortunately no one can decide for you, that is something you have to decide for yourself.

But i will say that what ever you do decide it has to be for what you want and not what your parents want.
If your happy to stay at mum's in the meanwhile then maybe you can ask to spend more time with your dad?

Tell your dad if need be your not ready to make a decision like that yet and that maybe in time if and when you are ready you will let him know but that is has to be your choice and not your parents.

I hope this helps you

Netty

Answer 10

That's a tough question! Live with one for 1/2 the year and live with the other parent for the other 1/2.. Split your time up between the two, if its possible. I don't know how far apart your parents live, but if they live in the same area, maybe it would work.. That way your not hurting either one of them.