My fiancee and I set our wedding date for August and now my church, (I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran) won't marry us because we live together. My pastor said the only way he could marry us is if we either separate until the wedding date, or marry immediatly and then celebrate our wedding in August with a vow renewal. My fiancee and I both hate those ideas and I'm looking for another church that won't judge us so harshly. Our wedding is in the state that I'm originally from, and I can't become a member of any church there because I live in another state, will that be a problem as well? I know a lot of churches won't marry you unless you're a member of that church. Any advice you guys could give me would be very much appriciated.
2006-11-29 23:52:39 · 9 answers · asked by JenJen 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You need to look for another church. Some of those preachers are just a little too zealous. You have the right thing planned for the future, the preacher should not hold that against you. For me now I have given up on formal religion, they just have too many rules for me. I am closer to meeting my Maker than you, I am in my sixties. I just try to live right. If I want to have a beer no and then I will, I don't need to have a preacher tell me I will go to hell because of it. In your case you are trying to do the right thing, but then he wants to throw a monkey wrench in your plans.
2006-11-30 00:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas S 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your best bet is to call around and find a non-denominational church. Usually, regardless of what church you go to, they will marry you.
Is being married by a church official important, because you could always have a judge perform the ceremony. Sorry about your luck with the pastor you asked to perform the ceremony.
I feel sorry that the church decided to become judge and jury over your living arrangements. Although there is religious reasons why a couple should not live together before marriage, it is not the church's place to judge.
So, here are your options, non-denominational church, judge, or hey even the captain of a ship can perform the ceremony. You have a lot of options.
2006-11-30 01:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in Canada, and I have never heard of that! I am not part of any church, and I lived with my fiance and had a child with him before we were married. All our churches cared about was marriage prep classes. If we were a member we would have gotten a discount. Catholic is different I'm sure, I went with a United Church. They don't seem to be so judgemental.
2006-11-30 04:00:10 · answer #3 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, the best way to get around that is to lie...one of you can give a friend's address and say that you are living with that person for the time being. If it is only until August then there is no real harm in anything.
2006-11-30 03:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was lucky my mennonite church is going to marry us in it. It is only because my grandparents are founding members. But what I have told other friends and it has worked is go to a united church. They don't tend to be a strict and they have some beautiful churches!!!! Good Luck
2006-11-30 10:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im catholic.. its not any easier than being lutheran.. i can't get married if I live with my boyfriend/fiance... I am going to get married on top of a 5 star hotel.. it will be great.. I say choose another location.
2006-11-30 03:06:53 · answer #6 · answered by 920135 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say congratulations! Your church as opened your eyes to how closed minded they are. If you would like to be married in a "house of god" then just look around you. This world offers beautiful mountains, beaches and canyons. Take your pick.
2006-11-30 00:34:24 · answer #7 · answered by funnyhaha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally don't think they should and living together sets the stage for a bad marriage. Sorry, but I don't really care what you think.
The facts are that divorce is now 50 per cent and it's largely because of this mentality. When people did things the right way, it was around 2 per cent.
Liberalism is a disaster and people who live together are clueless.
Regarding Thomas's reply below: Of course you can always shop for churches and find one that will cater to whatever personal selfishness that people have. They'll you that you're fine the way you are and will bend over to accommodate you (sometimes literally).
2006-11-29 23:55:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 7⤋
JUST TELL THEM YOU DON'T LIVE TOGETHER
2006-11-30 00:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋