im feeling really depressed what shall i do?

Question

I recently had my 3rd miscarriage and have conditions that decrease my chance of conceiving and carrying a child. I dont feel that anyone listens and feel very alone all of a sudden. I cry myself to sleep most nights and I feel like my heart is being ripped out my chest some days. I have recently started feeling that i would be so much happier and calmer if i died, but i dont feel like i would do anything to halm myself. I am so confused and dont know what to do for the best. Ivisited my gp last week he saw how upset i was but only gave me a 2 week sick note for work. I feel helpless, worthless and have a constant migraine. What shall i do

Answer 1

Depression is a common condition, 15% of the population will suffer from clinical depression at some point in their lives.

Everybody has periods where they feel low, or down. These are normal emotions, and appropriate after bad news, bereavement and so forth. However, depression – the illness, is persistent, and help is required to recover. The difference with depression is when the unhappiness is without cause, or lasts much longer and is out of proportion to circumstances, or seems beyond the sufferers personal control to manage.

Depression affects people differently. Some are mildly affected – often known as dysthymia, and manage to function despite their condition. Others may be severely depressed and find it very difficult to carry out even the most basic tasks., such as washing and dressing.

There are also different types of depression, such as the episodes of depression, followed by elation in manic depression (bipolar affective disorder, SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and PND (post natal depression).

Spike Milligan and Winston Churchill were two famous manic depressives. Depression is not selective of class, status or upbringing.

SYMPTOMS

Symptoms are many, varied and not all sufferers will exhibit the same problems. They may include:

Continual low mood
Feeling of inadequacy
Feeling “tearful” and “emotional”
Irritability
Anger / aggression
Anxiety
Lack of motivation
Lack of social interest
Poor personal care
Irrational / guilty thoughts
Feeling of hopelessness
Suicidal thoughts
Tired all the time
Loss of appetite / weight
Comfort eating
Inability to sleep
Disturbed sleep
Loss of concentration
Sleeping too much / not waking refreshed
Loss of libido
Avoiding people / social situations
Lack of energy
Feeling physically ill
Extreme lethargy
Bleak and pessimistic view of the future

N.B. Anxiety and depression are closely linked. Anxiety can cause depression, and depression can cause anxiety.



SO WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS?

Depression is a complex illness, and can occur for several reasons.

In a person suffering from depression, levels of neuro-transmitters are lowered. One of these is serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine or 5HT).

It can be triggered as a result of a number of causes:

Social Circumstances
Unemployment, divorce or break down of relationship, bereavement, redundancy, sudden/dramatic change to personal circumstances

Physical Conditions

Glandular fever, influenza, anaemia, diseases such as multiple sclerosis, severe arthritis, and treatments such as chemotherapy and radiotherapy

Hormonal Changes
Pregnancy, resulting in PND – about 10% of all women experience significant PND. Depression presents more commonly in women (this may also be because men are more reluctant to visit their doctor)

Psychological Conditions
Sufferers of anxiety may also find they develop depression. Unresolved psychological issues also contribute. About 60% of people suffering chronically with anxiety and panic will also develop associated depression.

Drug and Alcohol Abuse

WHAT TREATMENTS ARE AVAILABLE?

Each sufferer is an individual, and treatments vary. Many people combine treatments for optimum effect, i.e. medication and counselling. The preferred choice at present is SSRI’s along with CBT. The medication is to lift the mood enough to be able to take on board and learn skills needed to overcome the condition long term.

The first step is to visit your GP. They can confirm your diagnosis and ensure your depression does not have a physical cause. You must be prepared to be honest with yourself and your GP. If you have some unresolved issues, medication alone will not provide a cure, and your GP can recommend you for some form of therapy.

Therapy
This may include Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or counselling. All health authorities have a Community Mental Health Team, who will be able to select and provide appropriate treatment upon your referral by your GP. If you really feel you need it, do not be afraid to request a referral.
Medication
There are several different types of anti-depressants. You are likely to be offered one of the following types:

SSRI – (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), the most known household brand name being Prozac (fluoxetine) but now include a whole stable of closely related medicines
Tricyclic antidepressants
MAOI (monoamine oxidase inhibitors)
Moclobemide
Different people respond better to different drugs, and different categories of depression respond better to different drugs to, so there may be a degree of trial and error before you find the right one for you. There is no universal wonder drug, and what worked for your friend may not be beneficial to you.

Before you go to your GP, you may like to make a list of lifestyle considerations to discuss the most suitable medication. For example, if you lead a busy life, or drive for a living, a drug which makes you drowsy may not suit, where if you have problems sleeping at night it may be beneficial.

There are several sites on the internet which explain in detail each type of medication, and their possible side effects.

Anti-depressants are not addictive. However, you may suffer withdrawal symptoms if you stop taking them suddenly. Any withdrawal should be gradual and under medical supervision.

Alternative Medicine
St Johns Wort is a herbal remedy, which has a similar effect to SSRI’s and is commonly used in the treatment of depression. Do research this carefully before starting yourself on this. It can be very effective but can also have some severe interactions with medication you may be taking for other medical conditions so if you are on any other prescribed medication at all please do not take this without taking specialist advice.



SIDE EFFECTS AND CONTRA-INDICATIONS

ALL medicines have the potential to cause side effects, some of which may be unpleasant. Most side effects only occur during the first few weeks of starting to take the medication, and then disappear. If you are taking the medication and have panic or anxiety – it is not uncommon for this to get worse for a few weeks before the benefit is felt. It can be helpful in these circumstances to drop your dose and gradually increase it.

However, many people take these medicines without experiencing any side-effects.

You should also ensure you tell your doctor about any medicines you use regularly. Some medications can react with each other, for example, St Johns Wort can effect the efficiency of the contraceptive pill, and decongestants shouldn’t be used with MAOI and tricyclic anti-depressants. With the MAOI family, there are also some important food restrictions too. Your GP may need to review they way you self medicate certain conditions.



SELF HELP

Sufferers can also do a lot to help themselves, by taking positive action to help improve their lives.

Diet
Ensure you eat a healthy nutritionally balanced diet, including plenty of water, fresh fruit and vegetables, and wholegrains and pulses.

Exercise
Exercise as regularly as possible, be it a brisk walk to the shops or round the park, a swim or joining the gym.

Reduce / Cut Down on Stimulants
Review alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and any “recreational” drugs taken. Stop or limit your intake. Swap tea / coffee for water, green, black or herbal teas. Set yourself limits and stick to them. You may choose to allow yourself two glasses of wine at a family celebration. Stick to your limit, and consider swapping wine for wine spritzer to make your drinks last longer

Relax
Sign up for yoga, Tai’chi or pilates. Buy a relaxation CD. Go for a massage. Indulge in a bubble bath.

Change the Pace
Do you need to do everything you do in your life? Do you need to do it when you do it? If not, slow the pace of your life down a little. Consider taking a short holiday.

Remove Stressors
Whilst it is never a good idea to make major lifestyle changes whilst suffering from depression, review your life with a view to reducing stress. If you have relationship problems, discuss them with your partner, visit Relate. If you have problems at work, discuss them with human resources or your manager.

Some stressors can be minor, but putting them off can cause unnecessary aggravation. These may be little things, like a car interior that needs cleaning, or a wardrobe that needs tidying. Find the time to deal with any issues that “bug” you, however small.

Keep Your Mind Occupied
Read a book, watch a film, phone a friend. Try not to simply “sit and dwell”. Take up a new hobby.

Keep a Mood Diary
Note how you feel each day, what stressors are present, what activities you’ve done, what you’ve eaten and drunk. Monitor for any patterns

Don’t Bottle It Up
Don’t keep your feelings to yourself. Explain to your close family and friends what you are experiencing. If necessary, educate them about your illness and treatment. Avoid people who tell you to pull yourself together, or to just get on with it! You have an illness, and cannot help the way you feel.

Rediscovery
Write down all the things that usually give you pleasure. These can be hobbies or experiences – reading, embroidery, playing squash, ice skating, trying out new recipes. Make time to read a book, sew a sampler, book a squash court

Create a Self Help Folder
Keep any information you find useful filed together, and use it for reference. This can include articles, journals, magazine cuttings, or even quotes or pictures that make you smile.

AND ABOVE ALL – STAY POSITIVE

Remember that depression is a treatable illness from which sufferers make a full recovery. Do not set any false time scales for recovery. Everybody is different. SSRIs can take 2 – 3 weeks before any benefit is felt. Medication may need to be continued from 6 months up to 2 years. Do not expect an immediate recovery once you have started treatment.

Some sufferers find that they may experience another period of depression at some point in their lives. This is quite common, and should not cause concern. It is very likely that you will notice the signs much sooner should it occur again, and can take appropriate action.



FURTHER INFORMATION

For more detailed information about depression, it’s causes and treatment, contact:

www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk

www.rcpsych.ac.uk

www.medinfo.co.uk

www.sane.org.uk

www.depressionalliance.org

www.samaritans.org.uk

www.mind.org.uk

Answer 2

I'm really sorry to hear this. Miscarriage can be a devasting experience, recurrent miscarriage far more so. Have you considered contacting other people who might understand what you are feeling? The Miscarriage Association has a staffed helpline Mon-Fri 9-4 on 01924 200799 or, if you are in Scotland, on 0131 334 8883, as well as email support and a national network of support volunteers who can listen to your feelings and experiences. http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

It is very normal to feel aboslutely devasted at the moment - you are grieving, and not only are you mourning the loss of a wanted pregnancy, you are understandably anxious and miserable about the possibility that you may find it difficult to conceive again and may never be able to carry a baby to full term.

However, if you feel that the intensity of the grief is not lessening over time, or you find yourself feeling hopeless and worthless for more than say the next two weeks, or your thoughts about death come anywhere near a concrete plan about how you would harm or kill youself, you need medical help for what is almost certainly clinical depression and you must go back to your GP immediately. If he isn't sympathetic, make an appointment to see someone else - some health professionals aren't very good at understanding the emotional impact of miscarriage and infertility.

Ask your GP, or the Miscarriage Association, about any special services in your local area for women who have experienced miscarriage - some Primary Care Trusts or hospitals offer this. If he doesn't know, maybe the community midwife or health visitor attached to his practice can help.

In the meantime, take care of yourself. You have been through a lot. Do try to eat properly and sleep properly - it's hard when you feel so low, but it's really important. Exercise, even a walk, is also very helpful, many studies have shown its impact on boosting mood. Even if you don't feel like taking care of yourself, tell yourself you'll do it just for today and just take things one day at a time.

Finally, where is your partner in all of this? How is he feeling and does he understand the grief you are going through? If not, it may help to share with him some of the information from the Miscarriage Association so he realises how common it is for women (and couples) to struggle so much with pregnancy loss. Maybe he is hurting too and would also appreciate help and information?

I hope you start to feel better soon and that my answer is of help to you.

Answer 3

First, understand that you are not alone in this world. You always have someone to turn to, even if it happens to be strangers on the internet. Second, understand that you are not the only one who has had miscarriages, and that you are not alone in how you are feeling about it. Try to seek out women in similar situations. The compassion that you can provide each other can be very healing. My sister has also had a miscarriage and lost two other pregnancies, both due to the fertilized eggs getting stuck in the falopian tube. She almost died as a result of the last one. An emergency operation saved her life. She too, felt very bad about it - even worthless. Time, friends and family were the only thing able to heal her heart. Eventually, she came to realize that she was indeed a worthy person, and that what happened wasn't her fault. A couple of years ago, she and her husband adopted 2 happy, beautiful little girls. I think she makes a great mom for them. And they're wonderful cousins for my children! :D Hang in there. Keep your chin up. You are most definitely NOT worthless.

Answer 4

I Lost My Unborn Baby ...
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2002/3/22a/article_01.htm

When Someone You Love Dies :
- "It Can't Be True!"
- Is It Normal to Feel This Way?
- How Can I Live With My Grief?
- How Can Others Help?
- A Sure Hope for the Dead
> Miscarriage and Stillbirth--Mothers Grieve
- Some Practical Suggestions
- Texts That Comfort
http://watchtower.org/e/we/index.htm

Answer 5

seen the top 2 a-holes answers! Apologies for them, not everyone is 11 - 14 on here!

Have read your other questions and you are obviously very distressed and rightly so. I have experience with person going through same thing and it is 2 years down line and hasn't get over it! Not much help I know, however good news is that she really persisted with doctors and got help required, both physically and mentally. I take it that you have a steady partner, so may be prudent to create a plan in first instance for physical side to be dealt with. For emotional/mental side I can only suggest that you go with partner or friend to gp and really lay it on the line to get 4 week note minimum at a time till you're comfortable going back to work.
Hope goes well x

Answer 6

This is quite a serious issue to post on here, I think you need to find another dococtor and maybe go to counselling so you can talk to someone impartial about everything htat's happened to you. Yous sound very stressed as well which could explain the headaches. Don't deal with this alone there are sefices out there to help and I'm sure family will be there for you too good luck and get help asapx

Answer 7

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. If it helps, my sister in law had seven miscarriages before she had her daughter.
I think the reason your doctor signed a sicknote for only two weeks is because you might need the company and the occupation. It is so easy to become self absorbed when you're on your own.
Get your migraine sorted out - that will make you feel better straightaway, for a start.
You need counselling - professional help. Please don't allow the idiots on this site to give you advice on such a difficult and sensitive matter. Good luck.

Answer 8

It sounds like you have been left to deal with this by yourself.
Get yourself some qualified help. Try the Miscarriage Association
at www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk. who at least should listen.
Their number is 01924 200799 (Mon-Fri, 9am - 4pm)
You have had multiple bereavements, and are suffering the further loss of knowing you may not conceive again.
How dare anyone suggest you should be over it by now!

Answer 9

Find another doctor, talk openly to him/her and ask for help, they should put you in touch with a counsellor of sorts, depending on what his/her professional opinion of your depressed feelings is. Can you talk to your husband/partner, use each other for support. Always remember...you are not worthless in any way shape or form, you are low at the moment and have issues that you need to deal with, but you are still a great individual, and a good person. I wish you all the best xxxx (email me if you want)

Answer 10

Once infertility has been diagnosed, there are a number of treatment options available depending on the root cause of the problem. Learn here https://tr.im/XE0wn

Infertility is a condition defined as not being able to become pregnant after at least one year of unprotected, regular, well-timed intercourse. Women who suffer from multiple miscarriages may also be diagnosed as infertile. Infertility may be classified into two groups, primary and secondary infertility.

Answer 11

I feel for you babe,no one should have to got through what you have!l bet you have a loving family around you that just don't know what to do for you.You need to pour your heart out to the ones closest to you and tell them you desperately need their support and comfort,also there has got to be a support group in your area for women who have suffered the losses that you have,maybe knowing your not the only one with the same feelings as you will help you understand your thoughts.

I wish you all the happiness and luck in the world.x