Can I have some mature/sensible advice from a christian perspective please?

Question

My mother (a widow and christian, selfless lady) attends a weekly bible study group and one of the attendees (a lady of 79 who’s very timid) is going to have a hip replacement and will be in hospital over Christmas. The problem is my mother is so guilt ridden about not being there to help her out. This old lady does have a son of 45, but he’s, shall we say, a little backwards (not being rude, but that’s the best way to describe him). My mother and I are so looking forward to spending Christmas away together somewhere and now this has happened. I said to my mother, “Yes, but couldn’t the lady put her operation back ‘til after Christmas?” but this old lady is too timid to assert herself and now this old lady is worried about her son being alone on Christmas Day. My mother feels so, so terrible now and I don’t know how to reassure her. I really feel my own mother has been through enough in her life. I said to my mother, “I think you should start becoming a little more selfish”. Am I right to give her this advice? She replied, “Yes, but you must remember that she is in the same boat as us, we only have each other too”. What shall I tell her? She feels so down today. Sorry if this is so long-winded.

Answer 1

I'm not too sure about a "Christian" response ... but I think you are right .... your mother gives enough of herself and you two deserve some quality time for just the two of you .... no-one can solve all of the worlds heartache and misery ... you have to try and take a little "selfish" time otherwise you'll just go crazy with all the injustice in the world ....
Go and enjoy your holiday ... life will go on and there will be people to help when you get back

Answer 2

Could you and your mother go somewhere right before Christmas and come back on Christmas evening, so your mom will still be able to visit the woman in the hospital? OR, maybe your mom could visit her in the hospital BEFORE the two of you go somewhere. If your mom is not going to be happy with herself if she doesn't help this lady, then you guys should compromise. (About the son -- maybe you could drop off a tray of Christmas cookies at the house for him.) Good luck, whatever you both decide. God bless, and Merry Christmas.

Answer 3

I think your mom should be commemended for her selflessness. Your advice is sound and reasonable but if it would play on your mom's mind to leave this man alone over christmas, then it won't really help if she takes your advice. Maybe some sort of compromise would be helpful, afterall, its not wrong for you to want to spend time with just your family at christmas. Try suggesting having him over before or after but not actually on the day, that might help to appease your mom's guilt.

Answer 4

You are not wrong to feel as you do,but will your mum really enjoy her holiday if she is worrying about her friend?
Why not try and spend time together caring for the friend and her son.You will feel happy doing this and can still have time together at another time.
Remember,Jesus' apostles never even celebrated Christmas,so what would Jesus prefer you to do?
It is good to hear of people with a genuinely caring attitude.All the best.

Answer 5

A Christian helps people. That's one thing that we do and do well........even to the point of sacfrificing of ourselves ( and our families sometimes)

HOWEVER, there is nothing wrong with your Mom arranging help through a church, or agency, or mutual friends.
Even Hospice will help out sometimes for a short term with stuff like this. The patient doesn't have to be terminally ill. Give them a call......the worst thing they can say is " no". Talk to your pastor. He can lead you in the right direction.
Spend time with Mom on Christmas. Invite the son over for dinner.

Answer 6

Ther must be others who attend the bible group can your not ask them to all help out someone visits the son one another goes another take him a meal around the same with the lady in hospital one person goes one day another person goes the day after etc i think your mum should mention it to the vicar he will understand and ask the group.
Give your mum a nice xmas.

Answer 7

Well, if you want a Biblical response to this that is somewhat easy. I will be honest it might not be the choice I would make, but it is what Jesus would like us to do.
Give up yourself. Don't be selfish and put all your wants aside for this day. Help in whatever way you can and just humble yourself to serve this woman and her son while she is going through this. You will have PLENTY of time together in heaven. I like to say "I'll rest when I get to heaven". Until then give yourself up. It's worth it. God Bless.

Answer 8

Your mother sounds like a wondeful person willing to welcome thins guy into her home at Christmas and you should certainly be proud of her. You should be honest with your mum and tell you that you would like to devote the day to just you and her, however you also have to accept that it is her decision and if she feels she would be too guilt ridden then i'm afraid your just going to have to smile and put up with it. You never know, you might have a wonderful day with this guy! Good luck and merry christmas, I hope all is well with your mothers friend. xx

Answer 9

Your mother should get with pasteur and have them set up people to come and be with this lady while she is in the hospital. I think it's wonderful that she cares about thewoman but as you said your mother is a widow woman herself and the church is supposed to provide for people not put it on a widow to do it. That is scripture.

Answer 10

You are not wrong, honey, to want time with your mom ... perhaps you could add-on, "Mom, I rarely have time with you, just you and I, the way I see you serve others, year in/year out, it warms my heart that I have such a selfless mom, yet, on the other hand, I feel I've lost you to others, and I need too."

I pray your mom will change her mind, if not now, even at the last minute.