I want to Elope. I need advice!!?

Question

My boyfriend & I want to elope. We have been talking about it for a while. He is in the army.He will be leaving to Iraq next September. I am finishing up college.

We dont have the money for a wedding and neither do my parents. I do want the big traditional wedding but we can't afford it right now. We want to get married before he goes to Iraq. I really want it to be special since we will be spending the rest of our lives together.

Can we elope and then have the big traditional ceremony & reception in a few years?? What should I tell friends and family? We do plan on telling our parents. Also any ideas on making eloping special? I have found out that I pretty much have to get a marriage license then go to a justice of peace. Is that correct? I am just so lost. I never expected to do something like this. I wanted the traditional engagement & marriage. Any ideas on keeping some of the tradition? Please give me your advice and ideas! I really need some guidance! Thank you so much!

Answer 1

Nope...not good idea!! if he loves you he will want you be stable and have someone to take care of you while he is IRAQ.
Imagine honey, while he is Iraq, you have no one!

Answer 2

I am a non-denominational wedding officiant & have performed MANY elopement-type ceremonies. Some couples have lived together for years & didn't really care about a big ceremony, so called on me rather than having a very cut & dry ceremony at the Court. Others planned a destination wedding, but wanted something here in the states first. Some were planning a big wedding down the road, but needed to get married NOW for financial or insurance reasons. & still others were much like yourself - the groom got called up to go overseas or across the country for the military.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with eloping! & it can be as simple or romantic as you want it to be. In most states, it doesn't even have to be at the Court or by a Justice of the Peace. You can search online for a wedding officiant to do the service for you. Or check out American Association of Wedding Officiants. If you post your info, they'll help you find someone in your area (I'm a member of this group).

Generally speaking, an "elopement ceremony" is fairly short. A brief welcome, a sentence or two about marriage, statement of intentions (are both of you aware of the seriousness of this matter?), exchange of vows (you can do the traditional "I do's"), exchange of rings (this is optional...you can save it for your "BIG ceremony"), the pronouncement & the kiss! It would last 5-10 minutes.

Some officiants will do their best to still make it special for you. Pick a nice, romantic place to do it - a park, gazebo, or even a private room in a nice restaurant. I seem to be extra busy around the holidays doing elopements b/c that's when family is already gathered together! Many states require witnesses to sign the license, so you can still include your parents or your very best friends. Though most officiants would ask that the guests/witnesses be kept to a minimum.

An elopement is just as legal & binding as a full, traditional wedding ceremony, so make sure it's what you & your fiance want. Then check with your local Clerk of Peace Office to find out what the requirements are in your County (or the County where you plan to have the ceremony).

If I can be of any further assistance, feel free to email me at altaredvows at comcast dot not.

Answer 3

I'm a marriage officiant, and with the economy turning difficult, and the expense of a big wedding, I have been answering this question almost daily. In fact, most of the couples I marry these days are having a small family wedding or eloping, and then planning a party later. It's not the wedding part which seems to be the problem, it's the party. So I think you need to think about what kind of party you want - and who would come, to decide what you want to do. Of course your idea of the small wedding with the attendants (not really eloping) is the way many of our grandparents were married (and all wartime brides, many military brides, many people under time constraints with travel, visa regulations, people who are separated by distance and are planning a legal marriage and later family parties). People USUALLY got married in a church with just the family, or went to the registry office and got married, and came HOME and had a 'wedding breakfast', or luncheon, which was provided by friends and family. The only people invited were close relatives, neighbors, and the number of people who could fit into the house/backyard. They were also often married IN the home (decorating the parlor, the front stoop, etc). I marry lots of people in their garden, in the park, on the beach at dawn, or in their apartment with the furniture all piled in the bedroom, and nice flowers and a table where the couch usually sits. You can still have a wedding procession from another part of the house (I've had brides get ready at a friends house, and arrive in a car and up the stairs to IPOD wedding music or a friend playing live music on a guitar) and all your attendants, just in your backyard, living room, or at the beach. Then a buffet breakfast, punch and coffee, music, and a nice party. You can find civil officiants, unitarians, humanists, justices of the peace, lots of people who will marry you at home, if that will please your family. Then all your attendants could participate, and your family could be there to be witnesses, and to help supply food for a wedding potluck -- everybody bring a dozen cupcakes for a cupcake tree, girlfriends to decorate a buffet table, and if you have it at midday instead of evening, your can get away with coffee and punch and some light wine instead of expensive liquor. Or have the wedding at 4pm and have an early light buffet supper (pot luck again) with paper lanterns and music and the older people can go home at 9 and you and your friends can have a party - to which you can invite the second wave of friends, like a progressive party. OR, you can elope, send out a notice saying "x and y wish to announce their private marriage on [date] and hope that you will join them in celebrating at a wedding brunch") ...". OR, you can come back and have a wedding blessing with an officiant and your attendants, if you save the exchange of rings from your legal wedding. This is like a vow renewal, and is really the second half of your wedding ceremony. Because I answer this a lot, I've put a post discussing eloping vs big wedding below. Good luck! I vote for the beach! Wear the dress!

Answer 4

if you choose to elope in the near future -then the ""big traditional wedding"" later on would actually be a renewal of your vows.
that style of a wedding doesn;t make you any more married than a simple ceremony with family & friends present.
if you look through other questions here you will find many suggestions for ways to have a celebration but still keep costs to a minimum while managing to have close to what you want.
after all ***the marriage*** is meant to be for life- the "" wedding"" is only a few hours. e.g:- only 1 attendant each;cocktail party /champagne & cake type reception- either mid morning or afternoon; make your own invitations
when my daughter married a few years back - she & her man first rang & then sent invitations to those family members & friends they wanted to share the occasion with them; saying something like ** we would love to have your presence with us at this time to help us celebrate our marriage ; but instead of giving us presents would you please pay for your own meal .
They had been living together for a while & had most of what they needed - also they were going to be moving to another town
They also decided they wanted to get married - couldn't see any reason to wait & did so 5 weeks later.
Their reception was held at a restaurant which they booked out for the day - so guests ordered what they wanted & paid for their meals. the only invited guests who did not come were those who were from other towns & did not have the time to travel.
Having the wedding on a Sunday or during the week will often be cheaper.
If you do decide to "elope" your friends & family will understand if they really do care for you. it is about what you & your man want - NO-ONE else.
to keep some tradition if you do decide to go that way; still get a nice outfit to wear ( does not have to be expensive); carry some flowers; maybe have both sets of parents attend the ceremony(as you said - you will need witnesses); get some photos taken; incorporate ** the something old; something new etc ** in your outfit

Answer 5

Traditional marriages are great but then with all the problems at your end I think you should call both your parents to either one of your homes then have a good long talk and let them know that you have no plans of hurting their feelings. I am sure they'll understand and you guys can have an informal engagement so that you can help your parents save a little and gave a decent traditional wedding which can wait since alls official...

Answer 6

get a civil wedding. it doesn't take forever, there doesn't need to be a big party if you're really into the religious wedding. It can also be just a small something for you and your family or close ones just make sure you tell them it'll be nothing fancy and to wait for the religious wedding. You'll also need the papers from the civil wedding to marry by church. That way if it'll make you feel better it's a way to show that you both are commited to be together. Not sure if that'll justify eloping before getting married if that's your concern but it's just an idea.

Answer 7

49 years ago I eloped, wish I had never done it..The guy is still great, but I regret the elopement. I also had a very good reason, my father was dieing and refused to let us get married as I had 6 mo to go to finish college..He was afraid I wouldn't go back and finish.I did. Our parents were crushed when we told them what we had done.. .. Go to your church and have a very quiet family wedding. spend the elopement money on a weekend honeymoon. A family member will have a digital camera and can take pictures. {I have none} As for having the big wedding later..forget it, you are married. You can buy or make, or even hand write announcements to the rest of your family and friends. Please think this over carefully as it is the most important day of your lives. Congratulations and best wishes..

Answer 8

I think eloping is the most practical way to get married these days unless you are really rich. You not only save money you also save yourselves a lot of stress and worry. Maybe you could elope and then have a nice reception. I think if you wait 2 years to do a formal wedding later on it is too long of a time gap.

Answer 9

Look, this wedding is about the 2 of you, not everyone in your family. They will understand if you don't have a big ceremony. You said you can't really afford it, so be practical. You can always have something more formal and for the family later. I got married on a beach and believe me, it was so much less stressful than any other wedding I had attended.

Answer 10

If you really want to have a traditional marriage but dont have the means to do so than wait until you have them. Marriage is not at all necessary if you two are made for each other. Wait for him to return and then have get married as you like.

Answer 11

You can easily have the big ceremony later.
How about Vegas can you afford that? I would go to the venetian it looks so beautiful and they have a gondola that goes in the water. Best of luck! you would get beautiful pics and have a nice trip to.