My babies died inside of me. How do I cope?

Question

My boyfriend Justin and I found out on November 16, 2006 that I was pregnant. We were very surprised a first but we had become very excited. Well I went in Monday to my first prenatal exam and find out for sure how far along I was. I thought I was only 6 weeks along. Well they did the exam and did an ultrasound. What they found shocked me. They found I was having identical twins and I was actually 14 weeks along and not 6 like we all thought. There was a major complication though. They found I have what they call monoamniotic twins. It is where the twins share the same placenta and amniotic sac. Also they told me Monday that they couldn't find a heartbeat for either one of my babies. The got me an appointment with a perinatalogist to get a second opinion and confirm what they saw. I went in on Wednesday and found out that not only was what the doctor saw yesterday was true but my babies were joined at the chest. I had to go today to start the process to remove my 2 dead babies.

am so heartbroken. I feel like I have been shattered into a million peices. I didn't even get to name them or find out if they were boys or girls. Justin is just as hurt. I don't want to cry anymore. I've been crying all day and all night last night. I never thought I could hurt this bad. I know that this just wasnt meant to be but I hurt like hell none the less. I wish I could have seen my babies. With this procedure that is going to be done I won't ever get to lay eyes on them. Of course I don't know what I would do if I could see them. It would hurt probably even more. These were our babies and they died in me. I hurt soooo bad right now. I don't know how to deal. Justin and I wanted them more than ever. I know they weren't planned but they were our flesh and blood and we were so excited to be parents.

I don't know how to deal with this. Everytime I go to sleep I dream about my babies. Sometimes good and sometimes bad but still it hurts so bad. I never thought my heart could break this bad. Any advice for me and my boyfriend on how to deal and cope with this?

Answer 1

Oh Honey, I'm so sorry...

I lost my first baby just a year ago, just how you did, she was inside me and never got a heartbeat. My husband and I had been trying for so long, all kinds of procedures, needles, the works... and then to find out my little girl wasn't going to make it... I was devastated too.

What kept me hanging on was knowing that, if I could get PG once, I could do it again. And I did. My son is asleep upstairs.

I didn't cope very well - because the baby would not leave - I'd been taking vaginal meds to ensure that I wouldn't miscarry - I tried to induce a miscarriage by drinking a whole bottle of wine. I got very sick, but no results. I had to go in for a D & C, and that's when all my friends showed up with flowers, balloons, hamburgers... I know that sounds weird, but they were there to celbrate (a) that I COULD get pregnant, and (b) that I had come through the D&C okay.

Hang in there. I named my baby - Perdita - which means, the lost one. I will never forget her. But I have a son now, and we are trying for another baby. Keep sharing with Justin and everything will be okay. You are going to be a fabulous mother.

Cheers,

Samlet ([e-mail] - feel free to write)

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be.
To answer some of your concerns.. You can still name your babies, This might help the healing process.. If you don't know the sexes, Pick names that can apply to both sexes (Eg. Alex, Cody, etc).
You could have a small get together in place of a funeral, to say a proper goodbye. For closure.
also, there are alot of groups out there to support people who go through a misscarriage.
Also know, it is not your fault. There is nothing you could have done differently, or to help. It's not your fault. I was alarmed to find out recently that 2/5 pregnancies do not last to full term. And that 1/10 pregnancies end in misscarriage. So you are deffinatly not alone.
I wish you all the best in the future, and once again, I am so sorry..

Answer 3

That is so awful and I am truly sorry!! I had the same thing happen 2 days before you but only one baby and I was six weeks and I cried for a few days and my boyfriend and I decided that sometimes things aren't meant to be and everything happens for a reason no matter how horrible we will make it through. You just keep them in your heart and when the time is right you will get pregnant again!! I got a tattoo of a angel so I could always hold my baby close to my heart

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going though. It dose hurt, but you and your boyfriend have each other and that is something you need right now. You get to know that your babies are in a better place. They know you loved them very much. It will be hard but you will get though this. It would be harder to see them trust me on that. I hope that you and your boyfriend feel better and know there is nothing that you could have done to change this. You will get another chance to be a mommy. Be there for one another that is the best advice I can give you. Maybe go see a Grief councilor they do help a lot.

Answer 5

First of all I want to say that my condolences go out to you and your boyfriend...it broke my heart to read what happened to you I certainly understand were you are coming from.I lost my baby girl on July 19 I was 15 weeks pregnant.This was my first pregnancy and everything was fine but the day that I went in to get the ultrasound done to find out the sex of the baby we ended up finding out that she had passed away...we were devasted Im sure you know what we were going through at that time.When this happened to us I kept asking myself why did this have to happen to us why...nothing made sense and whatever people said didn't make sense either but with time you start to understand things a bit better and you start to realize that it just wasn't meant to be.Till this day it is still very hard for us she would have been born next month but you know things happen for a reason I know that it sounds very cliche but it's true god will not give you something that you can't handle.I feel very blessed for the time that I had her inside of me she is now our little angel that takes care of her mommy and daddy and I know that she is in a better place now.All I can tell you is to hang in there and try to be strong.Share with your loved ones what you are feeling I know that it won't make things better but it's good to get things out and not keep them bottled in.We take our daughter flowers every day to the cemetery we were lucky to have seen her and to have held her in our arms.She was perfect and I will always have her in my heart..be strong take very good care of yourself that is very important!!!When you are ready you can try again and I am sure that when the time is right god will bless you with a beautiful healthy baby.You are lucky you guys have two beautiful angels that are watching over you guys and taking care of you.God bless you and your family.

Answer 6

Im truly sorry for you i understand your crushedheart i know how badly you would have wanted to see them and take care of them but think of it as its not over and you gotta fight for them. Why don't you try having another baby or even so have plan two babies one pregnacy after the other so you know you haven't lost all what you could of had. Don't let this break you down your a strong women and battle it, and know that what happend wasen't your fault so they don't blame you their was just complications, Their the angels who will protect you and your family.

Take care and Good Luck..!!

Answer 7

I had an etopic pregnancy so I can sympothize with you to an certain extent because I had no choice but to terminate my pregnancy. This was my first one, the best advice I can give you is to keep faith and God will bless you again in due time! I am only 23 but I cried and dreamed of my baby for at least 6 months straight, I prayed and asked God to remove the heartache so I could keep faith in him that when it's meant for me and my fiancee to have another try I will be happy on that present blessing instead of the pain of his past will. I was only 6 weeks, but life will go on DO NOT DWELL ON THE HEARTACHE OR YOU WILL MISS YOUR BLESSING TO COME, IT JUST WASN'T OUR TIME AND WHEN IT IS GOD KNOWS WE WILL BE EXCELLENT PARENTS. I HOPE THIS ENCOURAGES YOU.

Answer 8

I believe that God wanted them back,He knew that you and Justin needed to be strong parents to deal with conjoined twins,and that you wasn't quite ready to deal with babies with disabilaties.You and your boyfriend are young and maybe marriage should come before children[just a thought]when you survive this ordeal you'll be prepared for a brighter future with healthy children.

Answer 9

My condolence to you, Its really fate, you didn't make any mistake, a bad think is better than worse.
Imagine the situation where those angel suffered operations and medical treatment for a long period.
God is merciful, and you will be a mother.

Answer 10

sorry about that...maybe after the surgery you should try to go to a therapist or psychiatrist to understand more on your feeelings.you need justin along the way coz you need his love and support.in God's time,He will give you the best gift you deserve.good luck..