How can I feel more comfortable in social situations?

Question

This saturday my husband's company is giving a Xmas party, I don't know anybody in his job, his company has a "wives " program, wives get together and have dinner (company pays), I never assisted to any of them but now I am pretty much HAVE TO go to this d arn party. I am a very shy person and I really dislike socializing, it is a burden for me to dress up and meet new people, it just really really hard. Is there anything I could do to feel more comfortable in the party? what do people talk about in parties like this?.

I am freaking out, I am even thinking to fake an illness that day so my husband doesn't force me to go :(.

Answer 1

oh well i absolutely love stuff like this. its so easy! ok well first of all.. you should realize that everyone who is going because they want to and they want to have fun. no ones going there to scrutinize anybody. Well first of all... dress up and look pretty. So when no one knows anything about you (you have an awesome personality, etc) they will know one good thing about you: you look nice! So that will give you confidence. And never stop smiling. People will be scared to talk to you if you do not come off as super friendly. And if someone doesnt introduce themselves to you, it is because they are nervous like you are!

Here is how to socialize:
introduce yourself. assertive, eye contact, say hi im "name", that you are so in sos husband.
Then, ask questions. (their name if you dont already know it) After a conversation, people always report liking someone a lot when THEY were the ones talking the whole time! so thats a good trick... because they will like you and you wont have to talk much! Just be really interested in Them! Tilt head, smile and nodd as they talk. Eye contact!

Have a bunch of questions thought of before you go so if you get nervous you can just resort to those pre rehearsed Qs (never a yes or no question).

Great questions:
Where do you work? Are you from around here? How long have you been in the area? Who did you come here with? If they have a job that requires a degree, ask where they attended school. Do you enjoy the neighborhood? Usually you should ask questions that naturally follow each other, and not randomly jump around.

You can propose a problem, and ask them for the solution. for example: My husband and I have been trying to find a good italian restaurante, do you know of any? Do you two have a favorite restaurant?

You keep asking these questions until you find something unique you have in common. example: you both have kids the same age, are from the same hometown, you had the same major in college. Once you find something you have in common, this is when the conversation can be fun. This is when people get into things they start laughing about and when natural conversation comes in. At this point, you dont really need any rules, just talk openly and ask questions! Just dont say any really opinionated things like "I think homeschooling is wrong" or "accountants are boring". Everything should be lighthearded and complimentary.

"Expert" tips: Ask questions that don't assume anything... like, asking are you here with your husband? that assumes: 1. theyre not gay. and 2. theyre married. this could turn into an awkward situation! But usually things are pretty obvious so dont really worry about that.

So SMILE! Ask questions, become interested in the other person's life, and when in doubt, smile and nodd!!

Now have fun impressing your husband with your amazing social butterfly skills. By the end of the night hell miss having you cling to his arm.

good luck but more importantly have fun!! :)

Answer 2

Anna,
It sounds to me like you have social anxiety disorder. You might want to discuss this with your doctor. there are medications that can help alleviate your stress and the feeling of freaking out. I know this because I too have social anxiety disorder and am on medication for it. Believe me it makes a huge difference. I now look forward to being with people and meeting new folks. Take some good deep breaths just before you enter the place the dinner is being held at. Deep breathing will help you to relax or If you drink have a glass of wine soon after you get there and maybe it will calm your jittery nerves some. You're going to be with other women you can talk about all kinds of things. Children (if you have any that helps) clothes, makeup, hairstyles. If you also work you may be able to find some common ground there also. I know how you feel but don't disappoint your hubby. Good luck & try to stay relaxed and take ques from some of the other people there about conversation starters. I hope you can relax and have a good time in spite of your shyness.
Remember go talk to your doctor about your problem. The proper medication can turn your life around for the better.
LL

Answer 3

Do you seriously want to overcome your shyness problem?

You see, it must begin with a desire.

If you have no desire to do anything but just want a quick escape like faking an illness as you said, it will not solve the problem .

It will come back to haunt you again next year .

Then what ?

Take another MC ?

You can start by borrowing books on how to start and sustain a conversation. There are many available at public libraries.

Just some quick tips:

Ask the wives how many kids they have, which school they go to, how they spend their time.
Just be an interested listener .

I bet you, wives can yak all night about kids and fashion and school and husbands etc.

They'll say you're a great conversationalist , though you did'nt say much but listen a lot.

Try it .

It works.

Answer 4

It seems like you feel that people have unrealistic expectations of you. They probably don't; other wives in this situation are feeling the same things and would love for you to be a friend. It seems like you feel that living life is a burden. You don't HAVE to be there, you don't have to do anything. But calling yourself a "very shy person" who "really dislikes socializing" is just making excuses for yourself. Maybe it really is a challenge for you, but it's something you can overcome. You can change; you're not a weak person. The best and only thing to do is to relax and be yourself, even if it means being a quiet wallflower.

Some of my favorite people don't say much, but when they do say something, it was something worth saying.

Answer 5

First, ask your hubby to ID the important wives at the party. His bosses, supervisors' etc. Then find someone that you'd feel comfortable approaching and start a conversation with something like "I'm terrible at these things." Its a good starter because almost everyone there feels exactly the same. I wouldnt reccomend drinking much, or eating too much. Just try a little of everything, a little drink (maybe a Coke), a little food, and a little coversation. Pretty soon you'll find some one just like you and you'll have a good time.

Answer 6

I totally know how you feel..
I feel the same way when my partner had his Xmas functions.
I felt so horrible going there but tried my best.. for my partners sake.

Most of the people that go to these things are pretty much feeling the same.. nervous and trying to impress.
Remember to be yourself.
Dress how you feel comfortable - nice, presentable and comfortable. This way meeting new people you wont be worried about your shoes or clothes.. and will feel happier.

This will help when meeting new people. just your outlook will be more confident because your dressed comfortable.
when the other wives come near, smile nod.. say hi.
If they don't want to give you the time of day..
Find someone to talk too.. if they are that snotty.. im sure they have outed someone else..
and they are just as scared and nervous too.

plus make a signal with your partner..
So he knows when to come and save you from a conversation or a signal to leave.. make sure he knows it so you will feel safer and calmer.

Answer 7

Hi Anna
Do I identify with you?
Well, same was the case with me but I have come a long way about this situation. Just relax. Calm Down. Go to the party. Dont pre-occupy your mind wondering about what to talk or what to do.
Just be present. If someone approaches you, introduce yourself and tell that you are Mr. XYZ's wife. Then ask about their good name. Thats it!! Rest will start to fall to pieces by itself. You might comment on the good arrangement by the company for the party. And everybody will follow suit. Ask ladies about where they live, do they have children etc. If you are not an initiator of talks, dont worry just hold a drink and watch others. That could also be fun at parties you know.
So dont freak out. Dont think you are going to take an exam and everybody is watching you "perform". Theres nothing like that.
Give it a shot. You might enjoy.
All the best.

Answer 8

faking an illness might cut it once. But to get more comfortable, you have to do it. A friend of mine was in a roughly similar situation and took a couple of sessions with a psycologist to get herself into the right frame of mind. She said it helped. Just think about the fact that the party is not about you and people aren't gonna stare at you. Dress moderately, try to listen to the conversations, just in case someone asks you something directly. Don't lie, if you have no answer: not knowing or not having thought about something is ok. Don't make excuses and don't try to be funny. Sit back and listen to what is being talked about - there are always quiet and shy people at these do's, and you will just be one of them. You could take some herbal relaxation remedy to calm your nerves, but it is supposed to be fun and you will not be asked to make a speech. Use it as a training exercise and maybe to make some new acquaintances, so you won't have to face this situation in the future. Good luck and have a lovely evening!

Answer 9

Try volunteering to do something at the party. That way you have tasks to focus on while your still able to talk & meet people. Offer to help with things when you get there.

Meet one person and focus on them. Try to find common things to talk about - kids, if you have them or even if you're thinking about having them - ask about he wives program, get them talking about it and get an 'invite' for the next one - talk about the holiday decorations and what you would like to do at your own house.

Don't call in sick! If your husband has a good job & a company willing to promote a 'wives' program - take steps to get involved. Use this as an opportunity to begin honing your social skills. It's important for you to be able to do this on a personal level & perhaps for him on a professional level (companys tend to favor workers more when they see a strong marriage and family - it sends a message of stability).

Don't freak! Plan! Pick out the outfit! Get your man's input! Ask if you should bring a gift or bottle of wine! Make it an adventure - slay the dragons, defeat the evil knight & bring your man home in one piece!

You can do it! You KNOW you CAN!

Answer 10

Here's a good advice...............

Dress nicely and feel confident in what you are wearing. Look good. At the party, sit back with your drink and food and be the "observer" of the people there. You really need not talk much. Just observe everyone else and enjoy yourself watching what they do and say. If someone wants to talk to you so much the better, if not, who cares they are all strangers to you and you won't be seeing them after a few hours there.