I need ADVICE VERY BADLY...about a relationship & having a baby?

Question

I really need some good advice. I am a 27 yr old female, pretty, smart, own 3 homes, have had a good acting career, volunteer with sick kids, studied to be a doctor, and I have a boyfriend that is 22, never went to college, never understands me, is from another country. He has a terrible temper at times, it gets pretty crazy even. Sometimes I feel like he don't deserve me, but I love him, and I stay with him. I have also gotten to the age where I want kids SO BADLY, that I got on fertility meds from the dr and want a baby, but I don't know that he is the one for me in the future. He even cheated on me twice, and I left him back. I trusted him so much, I borrowed him money, but not anymore. I even opened a gutter business because I saw he was good with gutters. He says he feels I have the control, and that is because I am older and morre sucessful and it makes him feel less like a man. But then he does not appreciate me when I cook or do stuff 4 him. What should I do? I want baby,& him?

Answer 1

you two are on totally different mentality levels to have children together. you are a grown woman with goals and morals and have a strong sense of life, he is too immature to respect you, and he can't even treat you right. you have so much going for you! find a man who can appreciate your beauty and intelligence, someone who shares common interests with you. it's not easy to leave someone you love, but you have to think about you, and not him. you need to stop and re-evaluate your life, and decide if he is good enough to have around. a man who cheats should never be taken back, because he will assume he can keep doing it, and keeping coming back to you...he could have contracted a disease from one of those girls, and that is a scary thing....even if it didn't happen, it could have, and it can happen, because it's a guarentee he'll do it again. really, 27 is a good age to have kids, but not with someone who doesn't care enough for you!

Answer 2

I would say, first, ask yourself why you love him. Make a list if you can. It seems you've already got a pretty large one going of why you're hesitant about him - and that's what sticks out to me - if he has less ambition than you (eg. has less of an education - if that's a big deal to you), he has a temper, he cheated on you TWICE, isn't confident enough to handle your success, and doesn't appreciate the things you do for him, then why would you truly love him? It happens all the time, but I wouldn't want to think of a baby being intentionally brought into a situation with two parents who had those issues together and no genuine love to overcome them.

If you truly know you love him for who he is and what he brings to your life, then you probably should take it to the next step and ask him what he thinks about the idea of a baby. If you 'love' him for any other reason, including habit, or out of fear that you won't find someone else, then move on. Pronto.

You sound like a great woman - my kneejerk reaction is not that he doesn't deserve you - but that YOU deserve someone better.

And anyway, my general rule of thumb is that it's a bad idea to have a kid with someone who's already cheated on you. It's likely he'll repeat the offense, and then you'll just be dragging a third party who never asked to be involved - your kid - into it. Unless you trust him with all your heart and soul (and since you're asking about this matter on Yahoo Answers, I somehow doubt it), move on.

You deserve better, and so does your potential child!

Answer 3

this whole story is screaming that you guys should not be together. Goodness. first off all... youre not that old. Now a days women frequently dont have kids until their 30 something. Also, its very possible to meet someone that is great for you in less than a year. And if all else fails(which it wont), it defintely wouldnt be hard for a successful person like you to find another younger unsuccessful forgein guy who wants to be with you. I mean you could just put an ad in the paper. You guys seem like you have nothing in common. I mean im sure you do, but a lot of the substantial things are defintely missing. You are already having trouble, thats the bottom line. If you had kids with this guy, i would assume you would love them and not want them to grow up in a divorced and /or fighting household. You should find a guy who you RESPECT... who is comparibly successful to you are. Your current boyfriend deserves a girl who can look up to him, and you deserve a man who you can look up to and admire for the things you obviously value because you have worked so hard to achieve. And your kids will defintely deserve to have a dad who is a great role model, not a shadow of their mother. Take the plunge, dump him and go submerge yourself in dating services, get out there, meet people, and i GAURENTEE you will find somone in less than a year. If you get scared... just imagine the handsome, successful and confident man that is waiting for you.
GOOD LUCK.

Answer 4

he sounds like an immature lowlife... u deserve waaaaay better, look at u ur successful u dont need that man. im pretty sure ur surrounded by more matured men that will know how to appreciate u. u do so much for him and he does not deserve it, just look at the thing's he has done to u, u aknowledge them. if u dont c him in the future, than y would u want to have a baby with him (dan u b stuck with him cuz the baby will have to c the dad) if u really want a kid, u can adopt one. if u want your own u should wait til u find the right guy.

leave him, i dont think is love what u feel for him. u probably feel unsecure n ur not sure if u will be able to find another man, but trust me u will. LEAVE HIM N MOVE ON, HE DOESNT DESEVE U!!

Answer 5

OK - so you need to evaluate what you are worth - do you deserve the way he treats you just because He feels less of a man - NO.
Do you deserve the ranting and raving because you lead him to it - NO.
Do you want him as the kind of father for your baby?? That's the real important Q.
If you even have a hint of hesitation the minute you read the last question - then the answer is NO.
If he isn't going to give you what you need - stability, calmness and appreciation among other things - then it's best you let him understand that things need to change or you're outta there - Tell him what you 're looking for & tell him you dont' know what to do anymore.
If he even tries to rectify the situation - Bonus , you stand a chance with him.
If he doesn't - you don't need him to complicate your life anymore.
LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF NOW - YOU'RE THE IMPORTANT ONE AT PRESENT.

Answer 6

You have to decide once and for all, whether or not, you want this guy to be the father of your [his] baby. Think the whole thing through very wisely. The way things are going with him and his temper spell trouble BIG time for you. He will be cheating again, once the novelty wears off of fathering the baby. I have the strange feeling that you will get your baby, and you will NOT be getting him ! Money won't buy you Mr. "right" nor a successful relationship. Don't have the baby - at least !!!

Answer 7

OK Lady....step back, close your eyes, think about b/f. You have a Baby , it's your no good b/f. Next see if 1 of the women he cheated with would like to adopt him as their own or just give him up for adoption.....see where I'm going with this yet ? If I were younger and you were available ?...whoa ! I'd move Heaven and Earth to be with you Lady. You sound absolutely incredible ! Do yourself a great favor and forget this b/f , wait to have "baby" with a Man that treats you with the decency, respect, if not down right worship, that a Lady of your caliber needs and deserves.

Answer 8

Seriously get some self esteem. Why are you settling for that? He's a lowlife. Women like you should not fall for insecure guys like that. Let them be insecure. That their problem. Don't let them bring you down. Get out of this relationship IMMEDIATELY and yes- find a real man.

Answer 9

Remember ...anyone can be a father,but it takes a real man to be a dad. This guy is not a real man. he is too insecure and immature to raise a child. Go find yourself a man who will want to be a husband to you and a father to to his child.

Answer 10

Leave him, he not worth to be your baby's dad and you deserve someone so much better, i'm so sure of this, you have to believe me.. There is someone out there who will treat you right and you love even more ....