My 21 month old son is Hitting me, just me.?

Question

I have a 21 month old son who is being very violent with me, I am his mother, I am very loving, I do not spank him. I usually put him in time out when he misbehaves. This hurt my feelings very much to have him hit me, throw things, and pull my hair. Please someone anyone give me some suggestions on how to stop this!!!!

Answer 1

First of all, Do NOT feel bad that this has happened. I went through this same phase with my two year old. I just knew it was my fault, but it's just simply a child not able to express himself and trying to control the situation in any way he can. There is nothing wrong with your child wanting to have control, that's normal. As we grow up we slowly gain more and more indepence. At this point, I would just make sure that he understand it is not acceptable. Whatever your methods that you have chosen to use with your child, use them. At 21 mths simply taking a time out from each other may have an impact. After he has hit you. Gently hold his hands, get down on his level, look straight at him and say "Hitting hurts. You hurt mommy." and walk away. Don't let him get any satisfaction or become in control in any way or he will continue to use this method. Don't get angry that alone can give him a sense of control. I thought parenting was easy until I became a mother. :) Best of Luck! The fact that you are trying to control this now and not later means you're doing a good job!

Answer 2

I would seriously start taking more control now let him know that you are in charge and that you are the mother and it is not polite to hit keep talking to him about it when he does it or find some way to let him know that what he is doing is wrong either it be taking a toy from him, more time-out, whatever it may be now a days you can't spank your child anymore because then it is considered child abuse ugh how the world has changed, but you better know that I do belive in spanking and my son has started the whole hitting thing as well and whatever he is hitting me with I take it from him he screams and throws a fit but he gets over it and if he smacks me with his hand I mean he will come over to me if I am sitting on the floor and just start smacking me in the face i smack his hand and tell him no, if he keeps doing it afterwards I put him in his bed for 5 minutes and then I go and get him, best of luck to you

Answer 3

My son is 27 months. Just before he turned 2, he went through a hitting phase, where he was hitting mainly just me. Every time he did I gave him a firm "no, hitting hurts mommy." After a month or so he got over it... It is really quite normal for toddlers. They are just finding new ways to express themselves, and seeing what reactions they can get from others. Try to stay calm, and remember it will pass. I believe the key is not to overreact. Keep your cool, tell him no, and move on. Once he learns that he won't get any other reaction out of you, he will probably stop. Oh, and I am glad you do not spank him. I mean think about it -- he hits you and you hit him back? I don't believe that sends the right message. If things get worse or it carries on for more than a couple months, talk to your pediatrition for some other ideas. Good luck!

Answer 4

I'm not a professional, but I am a mother. When he hits you have a strong voice and say NO!! If he does it again I'd spank him one time EASY on the bottom, not hard it just to hurt his feelings and he will stop. If you are fighting with him for a time out (I'm sure he don't time out without help) he might pick this up as behavior that is expected when/if you struggle to hold him in time out. I think "Time out" is the ruin of the new generation. The reason people back when are nice and well manored is because they got a spanking not time out.
Well good luck ( I'm sure it's a phase....lol)
Tess :)

I could not reply back to your email so:

how many times did I stress really easy, just so it hurts his feelings just as easy as like you pat a babies butt as you hold them even as a newborn to put them to sleep. You need to read that again. Sometimes when we read things we want to take it all personal it's hard to tell how a person is feeling or what they are saying in type. Don't you agree the world was a nicer place before everyone started making a fuss over nothing? I have two children who have only been spanked probably two times in their lives, they are 17 and 14 I couldn't have had better kids they are wonderful. I hear other parents talk about their kids not talking to them, their grades, talking back, etc.... We have a wonderful relationship. I'm sure you do too, you asked a question and I was just giving my opinion, no harm done. Just wanted to share because my kids are the greatest things ever. (of course I'm proud, all mothers are like that) Well take care and sorry if I offended you.



Tess :)

Answer 5

Many children go through a phase where they hit or bite people. But if the situation is handled firmly they will soon stop because it is not beneficial for them. I would hold his hands until he begs to be let go and then tell him that you will let go when he stops hitting you. Even if he is not talking much he will still understand you. If he pulled my hair excessively I would grasp ahold of his hair or hold his hands and not let go until he was subdued.

I doubt putting him in time out will work because it is not retaliatory enough. Also he might think you are rejecting him when you do that. Then he hits you because he thinks you rejected him.

You should not harbor hurt feelings because it is a common thing for kids to do that sort of thing. Some of them are just that way and they need to be trained to put aside those feelings because they are not going to lead to anything good.

Answer 6

The best way to handle this is to look your son in the eyes, firmly tell him “No!” (or “No thank you!”, or you can say “that hurts me when you do that” which is an “I” message, but he may be a little young for that at this point – better to keep it simple) and then simple walk away, encoring him. This conveys the message that this is the wrong thing to do, but if you give him too much attention (negative or positive) you are giving him incentive to continue the behavior. You must stay consistent with this method in order to get result, but I promise you that you will get good results. I wouldn’t worry though; this is a very common stage for toddlers to go through.

Remember: What kind of message are you sending if you punish violence with more violence? This is a bachelor’s degree in early childhood talking.

Answer 7

I too have a son who for some reason likes to assult ONLY me. The best solution I can offer is just to encourage you to continue using time-outs as a response if you're against spanking and also you can grab him and hold him firmly against you when he does assult you and try to calmly explain as you're holding him tightly so he can't squirm away (this will make him uncomfortable of course) that mommy doesn't like to be hit and that she would never hit you so you would like it if he wouldn't hit you. It might not sink in at first but combined with the time-outs if done often enough he might start to understand. (especially since he won't like the feeling of being restrained)

Answer 8

Aww, sweetie, you poor thing... it is so hard to think that your child may hate you. He doesn't! He just knows that, no matter what he does to you, you will still love him.

It is your responsibility now to teach him that his actions are not okay - that he can't hit, punch, pull hair or otherwise be violent. It sounds to me that he is waiting for you - his idol - to set some limits.

You need to be very firm when it comes to physical violence. I have found a good method that works with my nephew (who is three;) when he hits me or pulls my hair, I CRY. Very loudly! And say, "Pete hurt me!!! why did Pete hurt me??? I don't like it when Pete hurts me..." Pete then is very sorry and we talk about why he hurt Aunt Sam in the first place.

I also have spanked Pete - when he has been violent more than twice. Not hard enough to hurt - but, as Pete says, hard enough to make him "wobble." I love Pete deeply, but I know that he needs limits and so does yr son. Best of luck...

A fellow mother (and Aunt!)

Samlet

Answer 9

I feel the same way as amy above, do not let him hit you. Disapline him according to your own beliefs, but disapline him, and make sure he knows you are the boss. Each time he puts a finger on you, let him know there is a serious consequence!!.

Answer 10

There comes a time when you need to instill respect into your child. You have to show him who's the boss. I'm sorry, but I'd knock my child on their @ss if they raised a hand to me. If you don't teach him now, he will still hit you when he is 14. Be prepared if you don't stop it.

My son used to bite me in anger. I bit him back HARD. He never did it again. Lesson learned.