I am severly depressed for many reasons help me...?

Question

I have been depressed with an anxiety stress disorder for years.. I often wonder if i have ocd too.. I have weird compulsions... ANyway i have started really having moodswings.. I will scream at my daughter who is two and that really hurts me then cry for hours about it.. Its something that i can be so happy and then she does one thing wrong and it will ruin the rest of my day..I also do not want to have anything to do with my fiance.. I wont have any kind of relationship with him and id ont know why. I love him but i wont even kiss him.. I feel like i cant tell anyone because one reason is my sister suffered with illness(cancer) and died and its like well i cant complain to my family they went thru it to...I also get so mad i will slap my cat.. Hit my fiance if he really makes me mad... ITs gettin gout of controll.I just feel like what if i am really losing it.. WHat if i completely lose my mind.. I am so scared of cancer that it is ruining my life. I need to get help but w/o money???

I did not mean to sound like i am always screaming at my daughter. It only happens once in a while and when it does I cry about it not right then.. Then i break down and appologize for a long time and do something special for her after that.. I dont want you to think she is scared of me. She is more attatched to me than anyone..I am always there for her.. WE love eachother so much.. It scares me because i constantly worry myself crazy over if she gets even a cold.. I was my sisters nurse and i have seen everything you could immagine to even being there when she died.. I have talked to someone.. It didnt help.. It just made it worse cause then i had to think about it.. I dont think so far i am hurting my daughter because i dont yell at her on a day to day basis. I just dont want to get to that point...

You know what i am not emotionally abusing my daughter at this point.. kids get yelled at all the time.. I just thought i would never do it.. I also have only hit my fiance because he verbally abuses me.. And the cat thing who hasnt swatted a cat or dog if they are naughty.. I am here for help.. SOrry if you think i am a bad person.. your comment hurt me.. I would never intentially hurt another human or animal. its not me.. My daughter is my life and i dont want her to grow up with me this way thats why i'm here for help.. Dont judge me.. your comment hurt me so bad...

Before i end this question.. I have to say that i would never kill an animal. I don't beat the crap out of my cat. I swat her nose.. My daughter has really only been yelled at a hand ful of times and its not like most people don't at sometime yetll at their children.. I went and got help today. If you only knew the things my fiance has said to me you would hit him to..... I love them all thought.. I miss my sister terribly and i know i will get thru it. I got help and its because of how you all thought of me.. I had never been thought of that way in my life.. Noone would ever think of me as abusive. I am a kind person with a horrible problem. You helped me see what i could become though.

Answer 1

Sounds like to me that you are indeed depressed and suffering from anxiety and stress disorders. There are skills you can learn to relieve your stress and get yourself out of this deep depression. It's not easy. You didn't get this way over night and you won't change it over night either... trust me I know. I wrote the book.

===== http://www.attackanxiety.com ============

Depression is a mood disorder that causes you to feel sad or hopeless for an extended period of time. More than just a bout of "the blues" or temporary feelings of grief or low energy, depression can have a significant impact on your enjoyment of life, your work, your health, and the people you care about.

Depression affects people differently. Some feel down for extended periods of time; for others the feelings of depression come and go. If you have short episodes of mild depression, you may be able to continue to work and take care of daily activities. However, if you do not seek some form of treatment for your depression, you are at risk for getting more depressed or becoming physically ill. In severe cases, depression can cause people to become incapable of communicating, unable to do routine activities, or suicidal. In these cases, it is essential to seek medical attention.

People with depression may be reluctant to seek help because they feel that it is a sign of personal weakness or a character flaw or that they should be able to "pull out of it" on their own. We now know that depression, like other medical conditions, has a chemical and biological basis. Treatment for depression is safe and usually effective even for severely depressed people.

No matter what... please get help. You do NOT have to live like this. If not for yourself.... do it for your little girl. Good luck man. Contact me if you need advise.

Answer 2

You don't need money to get help. Look for your local Community Mental Health agency, or Catholic Social Services (no, you dont need to be catholic). If you can't find those two places, look in the yellow pages for a social worker or psychologist and call them asking for help. They will guide you in the right direction. There is a lot of help out there for depression, anxiety, and OCD.

Answer 3

You nursed your sister until she died of cancer. You have a demanding 2 year child and you can't seem to stand your fiance. You went so far as to strike your fiance because you can't control your temper. You smack your cat and you yell at the kid. And last, you are grossly offended by some of the responses you have gotten to your question.

Things are tough when there is a lack of money, but I'll tell you what, you can straighten yourself out.

Taking care of someone you love and watching them die is horrendous and it's life-changing. You will never get over it, but you have to think of it in another way. I'm telling you that your sister passed away in the company of someone who loved her and that was probably the greatest comfort and gift that you could have given her. To worry that you will die the same way is understandable, but you need to try not to dwell on it. We all will die someday and it's a waste of time to worry about it. Right now, it's obvious that your fiance loves you and it seems that he is very patient and understanding. When you get angry and strike out at him, you are lucky that he doesn't deck you. You better appreciate that man a little more. And your child does not understand what you are going through, but that child understands that you are hurting her by yelling at her. Don't do that. And for crying out loud, leave the cat alone. You might hit it too hard and kill it. Animals weren't put on this earth for us to abuse. Time goes by so fast and don't think for a moment that that child won't remember what happened to her when she was small. Her earliest memories of her time with you should be filled with love and not bad memories. Believe me, you will need your fiance and child someday in the future. Cherish them now or you will alone for the rest of your life. You say "it's" getting out of control. It's you that is allowing yourself to go off out of control and put a stop to it now. Stop worrying about how you will die. Live for the moment and love those around you.

Answer 4

Thank goodness for free and low income clinics. Check in your area for one. I live in a small town and we have one. If you can't find one call a mental health line and see if they can help you get the info. This much anger and hurt is not good for anyone. You are probably still mourning your sister too. Emotions can be very hard to deal with alone. Please try talking to someone you trust until you can find a professional to help. Good luck.

Answer 5

start with seeing your doctor and get started on an antidepressant, the medication will take a few weeks to really start working, so the sooner you start the better. Then, find yourself a therapist...the meds alone will not improve your situation, you need therapy as well. Statistically speaking, therapy and meds together are far more effective in dealing with and curing depression than either one alone.

Answer 6

You should look around your local area for assistance. There are many programs offered in communities across the country who can help you with counselling for free, or for rates based solely on your available income.

Check your local yellow pages or online for counselling.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Sometimes we need to actually face what we are doing and call it what it is...you just recounted emotional abuse of your child...animal cruelty...domestic violence...that is what you are doing. The domestic violence and animal cruelty are agains the law. The emotional abuse of you little girl is not, but you are going to mess up her head. You are being exceptionally egocentric here. Seems the only thing that matters to you is that you MIGHT get cancer. Well, honey, so might all of us.

You need counselling. There are places that offer it for free. You need to contact a social service agency or two and see if they can refer you somewhere to get some help.

You know, the worst kind of abuse a child can experience is actually emotional abuse. AND....it is a very slippery slope from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse.

It is unfortunate that your sister died, but you need to take better care of the ones around you who are still living.

Answer 8

there are lots of mental health places that will waive fees if you qualify. check into those and talk to a counsellor. it's not fair for your daughter to see you that way. she needs a mommy who she isn't afraid of.

Answer 9

Let go of all of your negative thoughts. They are not you and you don't have to listen to them. They are not real and cannot control you. They will have no power over you if you choose to ingore them and look only into positive light.

Answer 10

You need to see a doctor. If you continue the way you are you will ruin your daughter's life. If you won't go to the doctor for yourself, please, please go for that little girl.