I am 35 years old and have never had any significant relationships. My friends and family say I am cute. I am a little chubby but am working on losing the weight (I have joined Nutrisystems and have dropped 20 lbs. 20 more to go).
So, I have a major social phobia with men. I freeze and cannot talk to them.
Moreover, a man has never approached me in my whole life. I never get asked out or complimented or even paid attention to. I try to look and see if they look at me but they don't. If anything, it is like I am invisible.
I tried dating website but NO one contacted me who didn't seem like an axe murderder. And I am not exaggerating.
Now, if this is a looks thing...lets say I am really fat and ugly and my friends are just being nice...I see funny looking people with mates all the time.
What can I do? I don't want to be alone my whole life.
2006-11-29 15:11:56 · 17 answers · asked by caucasoidus2 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't like to find people at clubs or bars. That is not a lifestyle for me. I love to go out with my friends though.
2006-11-29 15:15:04 · update #1
Most women are too busy playing "hard-to-get", it's human nature.
Here's three ideas to think about:
1) How about you get his attention by smiling when you catch him looking.
2) The best way to show confidence is to approach him. (I think all ladies should use this advice). The probably wouldn't be much use for dating sites if women approached men.
3) Or if your passive aggressive use your network of friends or co-workers and start a rumor that you like a particular guy. Trust me he'll find out and seek your attention if he is attracted to you.
2006-11-29 15:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by Charles C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You NEED to break passed this phobia thing. Amazingly enough, guys want a woman who is self assured -- not domineering, just that she know what she wants and how to get it. I'm going to suggesst taking a few courses at your local college. You might learn something, but you WILL meet people. Engage them in conversation.
I was divorced at 35 and had to start all over again. The rules for dating had changed and I was at a loss. A friend suggested I joing an expensive dating service. The more costly the better -- thinking that only the absolutely serious would be wiling to fork out that kind of cash. I did and what a financial mistake THAT was. They were all gold diggers. Don't make that mistake. Don't hang out at a bar either. Go to school. Wear something attractive and be open. See what happens.
Remember,we guys are visually stimulated creatures. But as we mature, we come to want more than just eye candy. Great conversation and company. Be interesting. You have the ammunition, now, put on your pith helmet and go hunting.
2006-11-29 15:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by Doc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, don't worry about it. I had a friend once that was being treated terrible by his girlfriend, she was just using him, he was babysitting her kids while her and her friends went to the bars, he was spending his whole paycheck buying furniture for her, and then she dumped him. When he was down in the dumps about it, I asked him why he would want to be involved with some one that treated him with no respect. His answer was he did not want to be alone the rest of his life. My answer to him was better to not be married and be alone.....then to be married and be alone. I told him, look around at all the miserable married you see. Being alone is much better then marrying someone that treats you bad and makes you life a living hell. I know several women that have never married and their very happy. They have all kinds of friends they do things with that say they rather be single then someones maid. So, you see maybe Mr. Right will come along sometime but if that does not happen, you can still have a perfectly happy life.
I have a niece that is 35 and not been married and her and her friends have a blast together, She always says, I'm not getting married just to be married, I've gotten way to independent.
Good for her.
2006-11-29 15:28:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will probably get a wide variety of answers to a question like this, so let me lay it out in a simple, yet effective and truthful, answer.
Once you learn to love yourself and feel comfortable with who you are, then things will change with your lovelife. Even if you are 'fat and ugly', if that is who you are and want to be then accept and embrace that, if not.. then change it.
Life is too short to sit back and wait for love to find you, first love yourself and then put yourself out there. You've already seen what happens when you try to 'date online', while some people may find pure bliss and romance this way, most will not.
There is no 'one place' to find guys, simply keep an open eye everywhere you go. Work on starting conversations, even if they are brief and simple, as each one gets easier and easier. Go to events where you know you will be forced to interact with others, this will make the entire 'putting yourself out there' part easier.
I hope this helps, I'm up answering questions past my normal sleep schedule and as thus I'm a bit loopy tonight.
onequesti0n
2006-11-29 15:17:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to Yahoo Answers. First off, take a deep breath and then a deeper look into yourself. You have friends which implies you can interact with people both male and female. I see no reason why you have to be alone for the rest of your life.
Yes looks are important, but personality is very important too. Be yourself, be a friend. Find interesting people that enjoy the activities you enjoy (hobbies, sports, etc.) build on that. For instance, here on Yahoo Answers you can post and answer questions on hundreds of issues, friendships can be found here.
Best bet "do not give up, never ever" - Winston Churchill.
2006-11-29 15:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by umbralatin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, funny I start out this way but what you need to do is this first of all stop freezing up they are only men. You have the potential to do anything because you are a woman. My suggestion is to be wild and crazy not to the extent where they really think you are but perk up their interest, let them know that you are the one and it is a shame that they cant have you work on it. The benefits are phenominal.
2006-11-29 15:21:46 · answer #6 · answered by postal_marg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man but I might be able to help you...you need to feel good about yourself first...that is the key...men pick up on that sweetie..if you have confidence in yourself and the way you look you could be 300 lbs and still attract a flock of men...its all in how you perceive yourself..start with you and good luck!
2006-11-29 15:16:01 · answer #7 · answered by tigerlily_catmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man, but i can certainly advice you to be more confident. dress nice and look your best. drop the extra pounds and your good to go. Act normal with guys maybe you should go to a gym and meet guys there or just try going out more often. Believe me ugly people have good confidence my excoworker was very very obese and had many men all over her because of her personality, plus she was very confident about herself. Good luck.
2006-11-29 15:17:28 · answer #8 · answered by Prncss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you're on the heavy side, make sure you wear clothing that fits you. if it's too small or too tight, that may be the reason you're not having any dating luck.
keep up the good work with nutrisystems. be sure to add a work-out plan to this diet. you will love the results!
2006-11-29 15:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by sthomas27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
try a social club like "its just lunch" to learn how to interact with people. It is a learned thing, and you can't learn if you don't practice.
Some cities have dating clubs where somebody teaches how to make small talk and interact and then they go out to clubs in the area to dance and hang out.
A friend found her husband on a club outing like this, and I found my wife on eharmony.
good luck
2006-11-29 15:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by kelly s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋