Dishonest kids.. What should I do?

Question

I have three wonderful kids, but they lie.They lie about the stupid things. For example. my 13yr old daughter and my 4 yr old son are the worst, my son judt came running out of my daughters room screaming, frantically yelling "she hit me", so i ask her did you hit him "no, he must have ran into the couch"...... So I don't know who to believe, basically this stuff happens between them two all the time, everyday, several times a day.

I have tried asking my six year old what happened and she will lie for which ever one is her friend that day, She was in the bedroom for the recent incident and she claims he ran into the couch also, but she wasn't even in the room were it happened.

So you see my problem. I have tried scaring them to stop, taking stuff from them, putting them in their rooms, I am all out of ideas.Please help, I am sooooo despirate!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for all the wonderful and quick responses, I have tried the sitting in the room thing, they are both currently sitting in there rooms in the dark, not really giving a sh** and truthfully that irriatates me, it's like they don't care. I have spanked them for lying on the occasions when it's really really bad, the 13yr old is never to old, as long as she continues to act like a child I will treat her like one. Please I need as many suggestions as possible, nothing thats been suggested works for them, maybe the are abnormal or from pluto, lol.

In response to Milana, i don't know which one to believe they are both really good at it, remember he has grown up around her he wathes her like a hawk, I know he learned it from her and I have told her over and over again " be careful what you say and do, they both look up to you and will do what they see you do". No I don't think she pushed him into the couch, I would have seen it, her response was he must have ran into the couch or something. Also the camera thing was my next step.

Answer 1

Most 4-year-olds lie out of wishful thinking. In your example, he may want his older sibling to be punished, or he may be seeking the attention that comes with being the victim. Make sure you initiate individual talks with your children to ask them how they are feeling about things at home. You can be bold and honest yourself and ask questions such as, "Do you need me to spend more time with you?"

If the older sibling was lying, she would be trying to avoid consequences for her behaviour. She may be afraid of punishment or of disappointing you. In this case you need to create an environment where your child feels safe telling the truth. To stay connected with the thoughts and feelings of your older children, you can give them each a special decorated "thought box" where they can write their thoughts on a piece of paper for you to read later. It's easier for most children if the parent approaches them to talk rather than the other way around. The thought box is a tool to help you open up a discussion.

Let your children know you don't like lies, but you still love them — no matter what they've done. Say gently but firmly, "That doesn't sound like the truth to me. Sometimes we all worry about telling the truth if we're afraid we've done something wrong." This lets them know you don't approve of their behavior, but it also gives them a chance to explain.

If you do catch your child in a lie, don't ask, "Are you telling the truth?" Very few children (and few adults) will respond to that question with a "no." You're likely to get more cooperation if you come back with, "That sounds like a story to me. You know, you won't be in trouble for telling the truth."

Praise truth-telling. When your children tell the truth, reward them with praise. Especially if they've been caught lying in the past, they'll feel great about themselves when they hear you say, "Thanks for telling me the truth. I like it when you do that."

Find out why your children are fibbing. When the truth eventually comes out and you know which child was telling the truth, be sure to REWARD honesty, and talk with the other child about why he or she lied. If the problem can't be resolved at home, it may help to have a therapist discuss with your child why they tell fibs. Teaching honesty may not be enough if there are underlying problems (such as sibling rivalry) responsible for this response.

Additional thought: Don't plant hidden cameras :o(
That will teach your children two things: spying is okay and they don't need to respect the privacy of others, and they are not trustworthy. They will begin to believe they are not trustworthy and will live down to those expectations. You also need your children to do the right thing because it is the right thing to do, and not because they are being watched and could face punishment.

Answer 2

First, you should never try to use one of your kids as a neutral party when searching for answers. It puts her in an unfair position, and although it isn't favouritism, your two other kids may interpret it that way.

When I was a kid, when two kids gave different information (one was obviously lying), both would recieve a temporary consequence, such as both being sent to their rooms until the truth came out. The second part is telling them both that the longer it takes the truth to come out the more harsh the punishment will be for the one who lied. That will work for nearly anyone - it's even the same tactic used in courtrooms when two criminals are contradicting each other.

Make sure that you also offer compensation to the one who was telling the truth, such as a treat, being sure that the other child doesn't recieve that particular perk.

Answer 3

When my 4-year-old lies, it's very obvious. The story doesn't make sense, or she acts guilty. If you think he's lying, call him on it. He has to know that lying has no benefits, so catch him in his lie and punish him for it (it doesn't have to be severe).

If you can't trust the 6-year-old, then don't even ask.

Let me ask you this- do you THINK your daughter hit your son? Or at least PUSHED him into the couch? You have to go but what your gut tells you. If you wait around to get a straight answer from the kids, it's never gonna happen, and they'll never get punished for anything. They know this, so they tell you anything because they know you won't know who's lying and won't do anything.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, when your 13 year-old complains that you treat her like a child, tell her that fighting with her 4 year-ols brother proves that she IS still a child and if she wants to have more freedom then she needs to act more mature. Tell your 6 year-old that lying is not acceptable and that if she and the others lie they will lose all phone,TV, computer, and video games for TWO WEEKS! No exeptions. Be strong and consistant.

Answer 5

In situations like this you may have to punish everyone. I did this with a bunch of kids on a camping trip, made them one another's monitors in effect. They all knew the consequences: If any 1 child misbehaved, then none of the kids would get the treat we had promised them. Worked like a charm. I also made them all go through our campsite and clean up any trash. (closest I could come to a chore). So to sum up: punish everyone, even if only 1 is at fault, tie chores to time outs.

Answer 6

Id go the different route.
Punish them both when they fight.

then you can teach them theyre in it together..

Also, Id plant a hidden camera and see who the culprit is, and see whos lying. sometmes thats the only way youll get the truth from little kids.

then, its up to you to instill the discipline that makes them NOT ever lie to you. And chance for you to explain they never have to lie to you

Talking is fine, but when the problem persists, you need to prove youre more clever then they are.

Answer 7

You know, sometimes a good spanking does the trick. Or course if you're not the kind of parent, this might not work. But early discipline always works. Although, your daughter might be too old...

Answer 8

I was raised in a family of six....

What Mom did that finally worked for us was this.

We would fight all the time also.

She sat us each down one day separately in the bedroom and asked us if we loved our brothers and sisters. She then asked us if we would be sad if they were no longer around. She told us that if we continued to fight that she would no longer allow us to play with each other, eat with each other, watch tv with each other, etc. She told us that we would just be allowed to play in our rooms....by ourselves. That we would never see each other again only on rare occassions. She told us that fighting showed we didn't love each other and she didn't want us to be with someone we didn't love. We all of course started crying, saying how much we loved each other and didn't want to be separated from them. It worked. I used the same thing on my kids and it worked for them. Good luck.

Answer 9

Sounds like both of these kids, especially the older one, would benefit from a good spanking!

Answer 10

Be honest and calm and direct. You need to tell them that you are the parent and you are not having this lying behaviour.
Don't scream or shout. Sit them down and talk to them, tell them that it hurts you to hear them lying and that your family and you should love one another.
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Not sure if this will work, lol, but it sure sounds good!