Should I let my ex's new wife watch our infant son?

Question

Ok here is the jerry springer of it, My ex and I broke up when I was about 5 months pregnant. He ended up getting married to another women when our son was about 4 months old. I knew the the girl (a19 yrold) she is a mutual friends daughter. Needless to say I was pissed for about 2 months but I got over it. our son is now 7 months. I just recently lost my sitter and I HAVE to work fulltime. The new wife doesnt work and has been watching our son while I work. My ex asked me if I would want to do this permanet and I said "NO" just till I find a new sitter but I apperciate the help. My thing is the whole other women thing raising my son while I work my butt off. I am just not comfortable with the situation being that is is very AKWARD! I want what is best for my son but it is really hard picking him up from his new wife in the house that my ex and I use to share. I just think that there is to much pontetial for drama. I just want a outsiders point of view. Please refrain from insulting m

Also If I do let her watch him, should that effect the amount of child support he pays me? (selfish I know but wondering)

Answer 1

I think it's a bit too early for you to be needing them. look for other options, please. move on, he did...so you need to, also. Find a baby-sitter or look for family/friends that can help out. You don't need such people around you. they are trying to relieve their bad conscience by acting like they are giving you a hand.
move on, my sister!

Answer 2

I would try to find another sitter, I think you are opening yourself up to a lot of problems in the future if you let this continue.

I understand your feeling how awkward it is, but just think in a few years if your son keeps telling you how much more fun he has with the ex's wife. etc. that will result in anger and hostility.

Find another sitter, I had an excellent day care center that my son loved, being he was an only child, he developed excellent socialization skills, he learned about other people and cultures (he actually learned some Japanese), he learned to celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas and Chinese New Year. If there is hard feelings (she may feel hurt if you do not use her, she maybe a really nice person) you can tell her that the place you found is wonderful and offers your son a lot of opportunities that he could not get in a home.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Well, I can truly understand your position, yet in still the main concern and focus is for your son, I know it's hard, but this woman is caring for your child while u work, yes is a blow to you, very hurtful, yet it's benefiting you and your son, you don't have to worry about the cost of child care which is too much. I say suck it up- be the bigger woman, In the long run, your son will have two women in his life that love and care for him. So don't look at is as the other woman is raising your son, cause she is not, she is helping you out and at least she is there to do it, many many women don't have that option. I hope that helps you. Have a wonderful day and good luck.

Answer 4

why are you letting this happen and why did you ever consider this in the first place?

Its real nice that she can sit at home doing whatever it is that she happens to do while your out bustin your butt.

How are you going to feel when the child support issue does come up? If you happen to piss either one of these people off I can guarantee that they are going to tell the judge that she has been watching the baby and they have been buying the diapers and food and everything else. Your letting them both in to close to you and the baby. Above all your letting her get attached to your child.

I don't know, maybe I'm a freak about my kids. Its just...... She has already taken your man. I don't even want to think about the fight you might go through if they both decided to gang up on you if she decides she is so attached to the baby also.

They may not this way, but you need to look at this as a "worst case scenario".

You know ,what it is that your doing, is not right. You don't need an outsiders point of view. Your leaving yourself wide open to a lot of things. Drama should be your least concern.

its just how I would feel if I was going through the situation. I trust nobody 100% with my children. Especially, those who have already made it a point to betray me already.

Answer 5

Nope, I wouldn't--you are right about the drama! What if your ex and the wife won't give him back to you (or take off somewhere where you can't find him?). I have two grown children and I have heard about alot of things like this happening...

I wish the best for you, but you really need to find a sitter that you trust so that you can relax while you have to be away from him. I was a single mom for 14 years...I know what you are going though...God Bless you and your little one! Terri

Answer 6

well, think about how much money this could save you-- not having to pay for child care. ok, basically, try to put all feelings aside... is this woman a good enough person to watch your child & influence them so much? in spite of what happened? would you rather the child be with her or some stranger?

on the other hand, yes, drama could definately come out of it... but you could also really end up having a descent relationship with them despite the situation.

ok, so what do you think is the best interest of your child? that is the most important issue.

we don't know this woman, so trust your mothers instincts without putting the feelings about her being the other woman in the middle.

Answer 7

Yes, I would be careful letting her watch him... I agree too- they could always try to get custody...which would be terrible. I would babysit for you if you lived near me... I am a stay home Mommy during the week and work weekends for now. lol We prob live far away though. Anyways, I'm sure there is someone out there who could help you out, and do get the child support from your ex- only to help with a new sitter-not with the new wife.

Goodluck, you sound like a great Mommy and your son deserves you!

Answer 8

pay interest woman.....I truly have a joint custody ingredient with my ex besides. My childrens are a lot older than yours yet were at similar a at the same time as at the same time as their dad and that i divorced. you may want to get over this. Step mom and father are area of maximum childrens worlds lately. The step mom and father can get your youngster in the journey that they are on the record to %. them up and so are even the grandparents. purely because the daddy can no longer %. up son at stated cases does no longer advise it should be you regularly. If this were a lady chum or something like that then i might want to be sure you gettiing disillusioned about the %. ups. I had to address that too. And as for the grandtheft vehicle, that is yet another situation. you want to precise that you've subject matters with this sport and do not choose your baby uncovered to it. yet that is all you are able to do. you are able to not barge into somebody else's abode or perhaps tell them the thanks to run it besides. it is your ex's abode no longer yours. purely stay WITH IT. deal with IT.

Answer 9

As someone whose dad remarried when she was a baby. Assuming (and you know what they say about assumptions) that your husband stays married to her this will be your child "other mom". He won't know any different and won't care for a long time.

I think that having her care for him while you work would be a wonderful thing. He will grow up with three (or four if you remarry) loving parents and never be cared for by people for whom it is just a "job".

However if you can not cope with the situation, if it will cause conflict in front of your son. Or if you have doubts about her ability of as a caregiver, don't do it.

Answer 10

Take care of your own son. He might get used being with the other woman and might develop a motherly feeling for her. I grew up with my Aunt and I'm afraid I love her more than my own mother. My parents weren't there for me because they were working abroad. I'm living with them now but we're like foreign to each other. We always have conflicts and disagreements because we don't know each other that much. Allocate your time to being a mother and being a financial supporter of your son at the same time. He needs a mother more than financial things. And, don't you think there's a possibility that they're going to claim your son? Or maybe when she's taking care of him, she's actually not taking care of him?

Answer 11

first of all no he owes still full amount regardless of her babysitting. second of all let her babysit because its free just until your baby is a 1 because i dont want to seem like an *** but you dont want your child to feel to close to her because your working and shes watching, playing, nurturing etc. Use them for now because im sure that helps financially but after a year put your child in a daycare and then pick him up after work. thats what i would do. Also if you cant afford daycare now they offer services in every area that is free for single mothers where its a great atmosphere for a child and its free. Iwish i had the name of the program its not welfare of anything i just cant remember but ask around anhd dont be shy get all the help u can get