you?The only reason that my husband and I live there is because we are both disabled and he is waiting for his social security to start. I don't know how long this will take. In the meantime, I need some sensible advice. She says things to hurt me on purpose. I do my part as much as I can.
2006-11-29 13:47:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Been there done that. I really feel for you. If you know what she says is unfounded let it roll off your back. If you play into her hands by letting her know it hurts you, you might be giving her just what she wants. Know matter what try not to bring your husband into the middle of the conflicts. Chances are he already feels bad that ya'll have to live there for now. The two of you staying strong and close to one another is best for you and will probably get her goat more than anything else. Good luck.
2006-11-29 14:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by funnygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start by having a conversation with your husband. Explain to him in what ways you feel that your mother in law is causing friction in your relationship with her. Tell him that you feel uncomfortable and intimated. Ask him to speak with her to relieve the tension.
If he refuses to speak with her, let him know you intend on politely confronting her and you would like his presence there. Make it known that you will do it with or without him. If he does not support you in this decision you need to stand up for yourself but do it in a respectful manner since you are stuck there for the time being. After you move out all bets are off as far as she is concerned. I am going through the "Mother In Law from Hell" deal myself...
It sounds like maybe she is resentful that you are both living there and not able to work. Maybe she feels you aren't pulling your weight around the house. I may be wrong but I have dealt with my mother in law for a few years now and I am disabled so I know how she judges me and puts me down for being sick....
I wish you and your husband the best of luck. I am not currently on Social Security but I know it can take some time before you receive benefits assuming you are approved.
2006-11-29 21:54:40 · answer #2 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you're a very brave woman. Personally, I'd go stark raving mad if I had to live with my inlaws for longer than 2 days. My advice to you is simply to grin and bear it until you can get the hell out of there. I know that probably doesn't help much, but being that you're her guest, you're in a position where you have to put up with it. It sucks, but the only other option is to move. Once you have your own place with your husband, if it continues, then feel free to have a frank and earnest discussion with her about how you find some of her comments hurtful. Be as kind and considerate as possible and use alot of "I feel" sentences. Remember you want to let her know that behavior is not appreciated, but you don't want to alienate her completely and you don't want your husband to feel stuck between the middle of you both. As much as you might hate to admit it, she is his mother and there'll always be a part of him that cares for her and doesn't want her hurt, just as he doesn't want you hurt, either. Do the best you can. Good luck.
2006-11-29 22:02:32 · answer #3 · answered by Sue B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way that you can make your MIL like you. This is an age old problem between the brides and their MIL and is more the norm than not. The only thing you can go for is an armed truse. Ask her what you can do to make your stay with her more pleasant and then try to help out. Good Luck
2006-11-29 21:51:28 · answer #4 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there and done that. I lived with my husbands parents for a few years after I had my daughter because we were so young. All I can say is grin and bear it. I think you'll be suprised that you two will get along alot better once you live in seperate homes. Its not easy for two families to live under one roof.
2006-11-29 21:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by Luv_My_Baby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for you and your husband to sit down and have a heart to heart talk to her. Hopefully this will help.
Ring Social Security and explain that your living arrangements are not working out and maybe they can speed things up for you.
Good Luck
2006-11-29 21:52:52 · answer #6 · answered by cailieco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since u guys are both disabled is there a way u can get subsidized housing or something. i have lived in a house where i have felt uncomfortable and it was the worst experience to live somewhere u r not wanted. sometimes i think i'd rather live in a shelter.
2006-11-29 21:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by Miki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let it get to you. Ask for advice on things that she does all the time. Or you could buy her a present that she will like. Treat her like a sister. Or Suck up to her like she's a teacher. It should make a crack in the iceburg.
2006-11-29 21:54:14 · answer #8 · answered by gottaluvme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your mother in law to suck it up. remind her that there will come a time when she is going to have to depend on you for her care so she had better start being nice to you. cause what goes around comes around. good luck
2006-11-30 03:08:14 · answer #9 · answered by flwrgrl692001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just look at her sincerely and say : it is so obvious that you do not like me. Is there something that I have done wrong? Or is there something I can do better? Please let me know.
Be real sincere.
That will make her feel guilty as h*ll.
2006-11-29 21:49:56 · answer #10 · answered by maamu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋