Morbid question for those with a 2nd or 3rd trimester miscarriage...?

Question

I picked up the ashes of my stillborn baby boy today. What did you do with yours? I wanted to get a small locket necklace that holds ashes.. and otherwise I'm kind of at a loss for what I should do. I've had the box of footprints and his birth certificate in my closet for two weeks and It just feels terribly inappropriate.

I have a burial permit in my possession and I own my home. It's an option but I'd rather not. I kind of feel like spreading the ashes is like throwing away his body. Someone provide me some insight, please!

Answer 1

Oh, it's not morbid, Young Mother... it's a normal question in the midst of such sorrow. I'm so sorry for you - your heart must be broken.

My daughter-in-law has been given a very sad prognosis for my unborn grandson (27 weeks) ... Today she was simply told "no hope" and given two weeks to decide what to do. He's not growing, yet too small to live in NICU if they take him early. She asked a similar question - what am I supposed to do with him if we lose him? This was my answer... "You have to look into your own heart, Daughter. What is it that soothes your soul?" Though we pray for a miracle, as his Grandmother, I promised her that if she chose cremation, yet couldn't bear the sorrow of having him at home right away, I would gladly keep him for her until she came to the place where she longs to have him with her again.

So, I guess, my answer to you is, ask someone who loves you if they are able to keep him (birth certificate & all) for you until you are ready to bring him home. Your locket idea is precious & obviously shows that you have already taken your first step in knowing what to do. The next step will come in time.

I speak from the experience of a dear friend... the ashes of her daughter's firstborn little girl are lovingly kept in a beautiful urn in a special place in their home and cherished every day. The pain of their loss has faded, but the memory of her little life is with them forever.

Answer 2

You don't have to make a decision today, tomorrow or in the next few weeks. Why don't you take your time deciding what is most appropriate for you? I am sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing a child, it must be the most difficult thing in the world.