Whats a really funny long joke Or Really funny blonde joke?

Question

Okay yeah... im the prankster at the lunch table, always tell jokes but now im runnning out! =0 Please tell me the best ones you know!

Answer 1

One hot day, a blonde walked up to a Coke machine. She took out a quarter and inserted it into the slot. She pushed
the button and a Coke came out. She took out another quarter and did it again. Another Coke came out.
It was a very hot day, so a line grew behind the blonde. She repeated the process over and over. Eventually
one of the angered people in line shouted "Come on, get out of line!" The blonde turned around and said,
"No, stupid, not while I'm winning!"

5 blondes go to Disney Land. It takes them 3 days to get there(they drive in a car). About 2 miles from their
destination they see a sign that says "Disney Land left" so they turn back and go home.

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You're always hearing about them, but you never actually see one.

Two blondes were sitting on a porch in Georgia. One of them turns to the other and says:
"Which do you think is closer: Florida or the moon?"
The other one thinks about this for a minute and says:
"Duh! You can SEE the moon from here!"

A blonde is speeding down the highway when a cop pulls her over. The police officer, also a bloinde, asks her
for her license. The blonde stares blankly at the cop.
"Come on, don't you know what your license is?"
The blonde continued to stare stupidly at the police officer.
"Your license! You know, that thing with your picture on it."
"Oh!" says the blonde, and pulls out a compact mirror. The cop examines it for a minute and hands it back.
"I'm sorry, if I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
A boy is walking through a park when he sees Bill Clinton fall into a pond. The boy quickly runs over to the
pond and drags him out. Choking, Bill Clinton tries to thank the boy. However, the boy jumps up and runs
away. Wanting to talk to him, Clinton runs after him. The boy keeps runnning. "Come back, I want to
pay you back! I'll give you anything you want!" The boy continues to run. "Please, anything you want,
you'll have it, you just saved my life!" The boy turns around. "Anything?" he asks. "Yes, anything you want."
Clinton promises. The boy thinks for a moment. "I want a bodyguard," the boy says. Clinton starts to laugh.
"You're, what, eight years old? Why do you want a bodyguard when you could have anything?" "When I tell my
mom that I saved Bill Clinton, she's gonna kill me!"

I'm not sure it this joke is exactly right, but here goes:
A man in a saloon walks up to the bar and motions the bartender over to him.
"I bet you $50 that I can pee into that cup over there at the end of the bar without spilling a drop."
The bartender looks at the man. "That cup? All the way over there?"
The man nods. "Yep, $50."
The bartender thinks about this for a moment and then agrees.
The man unzips his pants and tries to pee into the cup.
He misses terribly, and it gets all over the bar and surrounding guests. The bartender starts laughing. The man laughs even harder.
"Why are you laughing, you just lost $50?"
The man shakes his head.
"I just bet that man over there $500 that I could pee all over you, the bar, and your customers and you would just laugh at me."

The leaders of Russia, Iraq, and President Bush met with God. God told them that He would grant each one a wish.
The leader from Russia said: I would like fertile lands and fresh water so that my country would never go
hungry again." God said "Your wish is granted, you may go home." The leader of Iraq said, "I am tired of everyone
messing around with my country, so could you build a 100 foot high, 100 foot thick wall around it to keep people
out." God told him that his wish was granted and that he could go home. President Bush said, "Wait, he just
asked for a 100 foot high wall around his entire country?" "Yes." President Bush paused, then said, "Fill it with water."

Bill Clinton and Jessica Simpson are going on a fishing trip so they arrive at the lake and rent a boat.As they are
heading towards the middle of the lake, they start catching a lot of fish."Hey Jessica this is such a great spot
just look at all the fish." says Bill. Jessica replies "Yeah maybe if we mark an X on the boat we'll be able to find
this spot next time." Bill just looks at Jessica and laughs and says "What a dumb idea!" What makes you think
we'll get the same boat?"

Answer 2

well it isnt much of a joke and you dont have to say the entire list but here it goes


I think Santa Claus is a woman.
he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized,
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowl-full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

Answer 3

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through
no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an
evil witch.
The curse was that the Prince could speak only
one word each year. However, he could save up
the words so that if he did not speak for a whole
year, then the following year he was allowed to
speak two words. (This was before the time of
letter writing or sign language.)
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips,
golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain
from speaking for two whole years so that he could
look at her and say "my darling".
But at the end of the two years he wished to tell
her that he loved her.
Because of this he waited three more years
without speaking
(bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But at the end of these five years he realized that
he had to ask her to marry him.
So he waited ANOTHER four years without
speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy
knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded
and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden
the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap,
knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said
huskily,
"My darling,I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair
behind a dainty ear,
opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting
her ruby lips, said:
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scroll down.............

3 hours ago
Well, guess what she said ..........

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.......come on, guess what could she have

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said..............

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...........well, she said..............

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"Pardon??''

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::There goes another 9 Yearx...::

Answer 4

Tomorrow you can say S.H.I.T
So
Happy
Its
Thursday

okay

A blonde goes to the airport to fly to Canada. She spent all last night packing her luggage. She walks toward the gate where she knows her plane is at, and sees a sign that says 'Plane left' So she turns around and heads back home

There was a blonde who went to the appliance store. She went to the clerk and said 'I'd like to buy that television please'. The clerk said 'I don't sell to blondes'. That night, she dyed her hair black. The next day she went to the store again and said the same thing. The clerk responded 'I don't sell to blondes'. That night, she dyed her hair red. The next day she went to the store again and said the same thing. The clerk replied 'I don't sell to blondes'. That night, she dyes her hair brown. The next day she goes to the clerk and says 'I'd like to buy that television please.' The clerk replies 'I don't sell to blondes'. Then she asks 'How do you know I'm a blonde?' And the clerk says 'That's a microwave, not a television.'

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? Because it said concentrate on it.

Answer 5

Magic Beer

A blond lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

"Magic Beer," he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"


"Yes, I'll show you."

He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.

The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real ar$e-hole when you're drunk."

Answer 6

A girl comes home from her first grade class. She is very excited. She says, "Mommy, Mommy! Today in school we were studying numbers and all the other kids could only count to ten, but I counted to twelve! I was the best one! Is it because I'm blonde?"
Her mother said, "Yes dear, it's because you're blonde."
The next day she came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! today in school, we were learning letters and the other kids could only get to G, but I got all the way to LMNOP! I was the best one. Is it because I'm blonde?"
Her mother said, "Yes, sweetheart, it's because you're blonde."
The next day, she came home and said, "Mommy, Mommy! Today we were measuring to see how tall we are and I was the tallest one! Is it because I'm blonde?"
Her mother said, "No dear. It's because you're 23."

Answer 7

A blonde, brunette and red head go to a bar. A guy comes up to them and asks "If you could use any silverware what would you use?"

The brunette responds, "I would use a fork so I can eat my favorite salads!"

The red head responds, "I would use a spoon so I can eat my favorite soups!"

The blonde responds, "I would use a knife!"

The other two asks why she would use a knife and the blonde says, "So I can stab you two and take your fork and spoon!"

Answer 8

You two guys are evil! what do you have against blondes?
But the politcal jokes from bdbarry are funny lol
Bravo to Malus and Kayla! thanks!