Sorry to ask again, need more answeres, Is it o.k. for my son's dad to date his preschool teacher?

Question

My son's dad's name is Michael. My son's name is Desmond. The teachers name is Elana. Desmond came home one day, told me about his day, and say he laid in the bed with Daddy and his girlfriend and watched movies. I didn't ask any more questions b/c I shouldn't have to get info from my 4 year old. Another day, he says I went to dinner with Miss Elana. I called Michael and politely asked him about it. He said no they didn't go to dinner. 3 days later, he told me he did and he and Elana have been dating for 2 months. Before he told me this, he had Elana babysit Desmond at his house. I was given the impression that she was a paid babysitter from school......she knew they were something else. Since I am actively in my son's life and he's soooo young, don't you think they should have either a.) held off until she's not his teacher, b.) date discretely, not in his face, c.) have Elana talk to me about extending her role outside the classroom and d.) not lied about it?

Answer 1

Not only can he date her - he can f-u-c-k- her brains out if he likes.

Answer 2

Yes, he should have at least let you know. I am a preschool teacher and I NEED to know what's going on in a child's life, so I can better understand the child at school. I don't want anything personal, just a "his dad is dating someone new so he may be clingy for a bit." Maybe the teacher was embarrassed about it, that's why she didn't bring it up. If the school has a policy regarding it, they may have wanted to avoid it being public. How does your son get along with the teacher? If it's a good relationship, that's great. But if Michael breaks up with her and then Desmond has to see her at school and ask embarrassing questions, that's something you might want to discuss with the teacher and your husband. (Set an appointment, though. Pick up and drop off can get really chaotic, as you've probably noticed, and she needs to know what the discussion will be about). Good luck.

Answer 3

Since he is an adult and obviousily not with you, his dating life is really none of your business. He doesnt necessarily need to answer your questions but also he doesnt need to lie about his activities to you either. He obviousily believes your son can handle his dads relationships to have such an open relationship with his son, instead of hiding it from him and having him find out about it thru the school grapevine. Men are known not to be the best in handling certain situations and this is probably one of them. Also Elana doesnt owe you any explanation for her activities outside the classroom other than anything involving your son during school hours and as long as this doesnt effect his learning activities then this is not a problem. This would be no worse then if youre dating his teacher if his teacher was a male. And if your son has no trouble dealing with this then neither should you. Just dont let your son know youre having trouble with this as it could cause family problems on down the road. Good luck

Answer 4

Dear Carpadiem,
Well this certainly sucks and pretty much you probably can't do anything about it unless you believe Desmond (awesome name by the way) is getting harmed in any way. I agree with A, B, C, and D but they did all of these and now it is in the past. Are you really surprised at your ex's behavior? Perhaps you divorced him because of his ways? Sorry...hope you can get past this and find some comfort.
Another option perhaps, if you really believe this is causing probs w/ your son...go to his preschool and discuss it with her boss...I am sure they have some standards about this but keep in mind...it may cause more drama than you want w/ your ex...so maybe you will be better off just letting it go and be a great model for your son and staying active in his life. Girlfriends may come and go but MOM's are forever. The best to you Loving caring Mom =]

Answer 5

They definately shouldn't have lied to you about it, but they are consenting adults, and unless the preschool has rules against them dating, there's not much you can do.

Maybe talk to your son's dad and Elana, and ask them to be more discreet about their relationship, since this could potentially affect Desmond's life at school. If news spread that his father and the teacher are an item, it might make his life difficult at school (Is she his friend or his teacher? How does the discipline work? etc.)

Answer 6

As a guy, I can only give you a guy's impression.

It's great that you are in your son's life and that he can talk with you. Listen to what he says (I wish I'd listened a bit more to my son about my ex- and what was going on--it would have saved problems that arose later). You don't have to pry, but allow him to talk if he wants to/needs to.

Your ex- shouldn't have lied. That he felt that he had to may mean that he was afraid of you being condescending or confrontational about it. There are things you can do to improve your communication with your ex-, and I'd encourage you to explore them. You are, after all, raising a son together. (My ex- and I took years to gain good communication with each other. It's easier when both parties want good communication for the good of their children together, and not to hurt the other.)

As long as your son is not being abused, it shouldn't matter who your ex- dates. You can't control how you feel about someone or how someone feels about you. Children should not feel that a relationship is something that should be hidden. There is enough crap about relationships that they'll pick up as teens. With good communication with your ex-, he'd be willing to tell you when he's in another relationship.

Congratulate him on his new relationship, as you'd like him to congratulate you on yours. Let him know that you are happy for him, and that you hope that in the future he won't hold back from telling you events that affect your son, and that you'll do the same--for what's best for your son.

Answer 7

Since you are not married to your son's father and he is raising him in a different household, there is not much you can do. Set the example of womanhood you want your son to respect and admire, don't get into it with Elana and get over the fact that there is "another woman" in your son's life.

Answer 8

She's putting herself in a situation she shouldn't be. There might be rules at the preschool about it even. And I definetly don't think she should be laying up in bed with them even if it was just watching movies....not while she's the teacher anyway. I think in this situation given that she's the teacher they should have at least told you about it because that's different than him just meeting some girl that you don't have to have some sort of relationship with. So yeah I'd be a little ticked off too.

Answer 9

Sounds like a show for Jerry Springer. It's terrible that your son has to witness daddy and his girlfriend in bed. Where are the morals of people nowadays? This whole situation is wrong. Go to school and complain. Maybe that will help. But mostly talk to your ex. He has got a screw loose.

Answer 10

YES! I think it's alright to date anyone you can find to date you, being a single parent, it's tough on the social life.

Plus, it's not about you and your ex it's about your Son and if this relationship starts to affect your son then I would step in at that point.. other than that I say let them go for it! just my opinion

Answer 11

Well while lying is always frowned upon I must say him being 4 there isnt a reason its wrong. If he were older he may expect special treatment, but other than that i dont see a problem with it.