Eight year old needs discipline....?

Question

I have an 8, almost 9 year old daughter. She has recently started talking back and arguing. Unfortunatly, I do not know how to punish her. She doesn't watch much tv, or play any video games. She doesn't have any friends to play with in the neighborhood (she goes to private school). I don't have anything to "take away" from her as punishment. I need suggestions of ways that I can punish her for her bad behavior.

Please keep in mind, I do not in any way want to make her feel put down or unloved. I am a christian, and do not believe in putting down my kids and making them feel devalued.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated - If it is a good plan, Include how to do it.

Answer 1

I have always found discipline followed up with a consequence, then topped off with more discipline works best. The discipline which works best for me is communication (talks, very long talks on what acceptable behavior is, and what is not) for the consequence, try time outs, long time outs, taking favorite toys away, grounding, and spanking (my old reliable, lol)

I think girls hit their trying stage at around 8-10, If not stopped it could go on until 16. My oldest daughter got really out of hand @ the age of 8, but I feel responsible, since I let her null me asleep with her sweetness through her 5-7s. I let her get away with way to much, she just kept pushing the issue. In the end, she endangered her life, that's when we resorted back to what works. SPANKING. Yes I know it's not popular, but it works. My oldest is now 10 with out the huge attitude, lying, sneaking, bratty problem she was showing during ages 8 and 9. I recommend stopping this behavior in it's tracks now rather then waiting. I am not saying to beat the tar out of her, but a good old fashioned spanking on the bare hiney, helped cure our daughter. Don't just do the swat thing, make the spanking something to remember.
If I were in your situation, I would do what we call our 3 strikes rule for her bad behaivor or being defiant. first time=warning, second=taking toy, or privilege away, third=spanking. With my oldest 2 daughters, I have only had to give one spanking each for our 3 strikes policy. They always do what is asked after the warning.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Well, like some others I strongly recommend you start spanking.

Although there are a lot of people against it, and it started falling out of favor in the 1950's due to some "research" and changing societal attitudes, in fact a lot of younger parents are returning to a child raising method that worked so well for eons.

Although I was spanked as a kid I was convinced in college that it was inappropriate. So I did not at first spank when I had my own kids. To make a long story short--in the course of being a Mom I changed my tune and decided my parents were not so dumb and old fashioned after all.

I know that anectodal stories are not very useful--but that is the major reason I spank--it works for me. I also think it is fairer and less mean than punishments like time outs and groundings. A spanking gets the punishment over and the air is cleared. The other things drag the thing out. I don't want to be a parental jailer. With younger kids I think the whole point of why they are being punsihed is lost. With older kids it is no more of an effective punishment and inspiration to strive for better behavior than jailing adults is.


I think if more parents would spank--and do it correctly--they would be very surprprised by the results they get. And I don't mean for every little thing but not just as a last resort either. The real key to making it work is consistency.

I should also mention all the research that has been done on this subject showing it is bad. These are all statistically flawed. Infact to the surprise of one researchers who surveyed all the research--he found it to be the most effective method of getting children to comply with the wishes of their parents. For more information on this see my discussion at: http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-ggifacyzf...

There is a reason parents have been spanking since time immemorial. The anti-spanking movement is very new. And like a lot of new untested ideas I am convinced it is wrong.

As a Chrisitian I am sure you appreciate it is the only method endorsed by the Bible. It says nothing about time outs, taking away privileges, etc. But spanking is endorsed serveral times.

My suggstion is you get a paddle or something like that (one of those flyback paddles with the ball removed works great) and start using it when you need to punish. I spank on the bare fanny. Some parents don't like that method. But, for a lot of good reasons it is the traditional way--and I find it works a lot better than dull thuds over layers of clothing.

Answer 3

If when she starts talking back and arguing, then you don't punish her, you are already sending a message. That message is: "what you are doing, is not punishable."

The only thing that you can do, now, is to verbally enforce this message. In fact, it is a good message if you really look at it; there is nothing wrong with talking.

What you want to do is to keep the communication open. Don't punish her for talking or feeling the way that she feels, and don't tell her how to talk or how to say it.

This is only a phase. In the end, you'll appreciate it.

Do you realize how many kids join gangs, because these are the only people the can go to and not have to worry about being punished. When she grow older, what do you think your daughter is going to believe, when she needs to come to you about her problem.

You don't want her to feel you are going to punish her, do you? Of course not - I know that it may hurt a little bit, but don't go using your authorty the wrong way.

Another way of looking at it, by not doing anything, you let her know you are not going to bow down to her level - talk back and argue with her. If you start doing this, she will then have a good reason to do it to you.

So whatever you do, don't do anything. It's like whatever you say or do, will be held against you.

Hope this answers your question!

Answer 4

Look u r a Christian or so u say. God says not to spare the rod when it comes to an unruly child or disrespectful child. How faithful r u? U have shown ur daughter that her stuff don't stink now that she is giving u lip about it u r stuck. Ur hands r crossed and don't know what to do. Where is her father? Why isn't he pitching in? Or r u one of those single moms who knew it all and now doesn't know how much she didn't know. Private school tends to spoil children at times becuz they think they r better than where u came from. I know u wanted the best for ur child but look what u have turned her into a disrespectful brat and that's nobody fault but ur own always giving her her way. She knows how far she can go cuz she's got u around her finger. U r not a parent, u r a provider to her that's it. Follow ur Christian rules and take her into her room or rap her across the mouth next time she gives u lip. Believe me I'm not into corporal punishment but sometimes these kids need it. It's either that or keep going the way ur going and lose her to drugs and the streets eventually. And statistically speaking drugs r more prominent in the suburbs and r more widely used by private school students experimenting than with those students who walk by it everyday and learn to fight off temptation. That's discipline.

Answer 5

This is extreme advice I am about to give. Some might think I am over-doing it...but hear me out. If a child thinks he is unaccountable for his actions/behaviors thoughts/beliefs then maybe an outside source such as a drill sargent or jailer should give him a lesson. A few months ago a single mom I worked with had this situation with her child...he called his mom a slut and a second rate citizen...said her reason for living was to spread her legs for a man ~ he was ten. He openly used the words ****** and flaming jew. She was beside herself, she had no idea where he was getting this influence. I set up an appointment for him to meet some people at the prision. The jailer had a few prisioners who were doing time for hate crimes and crimes to women. These men were part of a program to curb youth violence. They (prisioners) talked with the boy and "laid it out on the line" that if he continues to act/behave this way "here" was where he was headed. Now, the boy cried from time to time while they were talking to him...he was probably even a little scared. But in the end, he has been showing his mother respect and his grades have improved. The last nine weeks of school he made the B honor roll....a far cry from where he was the nine weeks before. That is an exteme case where many people were involved. If you think he needs that type of intervention there are programs that will help. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

I'm a little concerned that there is nothing she seems to enjoy doing. Maybe she is unhappy, and that's why she is acting up. I could be reading this totally wrong, of course. It's great that your daughter doesn't watch TV, and if she has plenty of friends at school, maybe it's no big deal that she doesn't have any in the neighborhood.

I think the best punishment for rude behavior is removal from the social setting. Send your daughter to her room, and let her know that you don't enjoy her company when she is acting this way. At another time, when she is acting nicely, praise her and mention that you are enjoying that time together.

Answer 7

I don't see what people have with corporal punishment. I think its so terrible I'm shamed to say it. I'm only ten but I know something that works like a charm. The one thing a well behaved child is normally really ashamed to hear is "I'm very disappointed in you," and walking away without discussion. They know that you are upset. It only says what it means. Don't say it in a steamy way. More of like you are heartbroken that your daughter would be disrespectful. If you have trouble talking to each other, keep a "Thought Journal" and add to it every night. Encourage her to say what she really means. It will also bring you closer together.

God Bless the Parents:)

Answer 8

Your child will sense how you feel and by the time she is twelve, she will be using your values against you. She will scream "You don't love me" and "I wish I was never born" and she WILL use it to get her way.

How do you teach any animal? With reward and punishment. Your puppy does not use the paper? Hit his nose with a newspaper and scold him.

Your daughter does not mind what you say? Spank her and stand her in the corner. If you don't want to be a grandmother before her 17th birthday, you had better take control of her attitude. Once you have her attention, then you can offer reward for good behavior.

The only problem with the "carrot and stick" method of child rearing is that, occasionally, you have to use the stick. If you are not going to punish bad behavior, then just don't concern yourself about her attitude at all.

What will be worse? Her complaining while she is small or her not being able to function in society when she is an adult. The world does not care if she has good self esteem or not. The world does not care if she gets her way or not.

Answer 9

This may not be a popular answer, but, have you ever sat her down and asked her -why- she's responding to you the way she is? Aside from hormones - she may actually have something in her head she doesn't know how to talk to you about and is acting out in other ways. Maybe she doesn't understand/comprehend your directives. Maybe it's something she's picked up from friends and really doesn't understand that she's being disrespectful. I'm not a pro - but I've found that as long as a child has a conscience, they can be made to see the err of their ways.

Answer 10

I have a daughter that age and when she started the "talking back" I shamed her. I took a small tape recorder and recorded her doing this. I then played it back and let her hear herself as she sound to others. She was so ashamed she has not talked back since. I let her know she had been recorded and asked her is she wanted to hear how ugly she sounded. This is child-parent friendly w/o feelings of negativity. Good Luck.