Do you think it's appropriate for my son's father to date his pre-school teacher?

Question

My son's father has known our son's preschool teacher for 2 months. He allows our son to lay in bed with them while they watch movies. The worse part is I found out this was going on from the child, not his teacher or father. When I asked my son's father about it, he lied then told the truth about 3 days later. My son's father thinks I'm being unreasonable because our son likes his teacher so much. I just think this will warp his perception of teachers to come, plus it wasn't o.k'd with me before they started to date so seriously.

Just let me clarify that he doesn't need my permission to date, but I would expect him to discuss dating our son's teacher with me because we have a mutual relationship with her.

Answer 1

This is NOT good. I do think it's innapropriate while she is still your son's teacher. Not only is it going to have a negative effect on your child in the classroom (and probably will mess with his idea of teachers), it is also unethical for the teacher to be willing to do this while she is his teacher. She could get fired for this. You are in the right here. If the father refuses to do anything, then go to the teacher and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and that you think it is innapropriate. The next step is always her boss.

Answer 2

As long as it's not your preschool-age son dating the teacher I'm pretty sure it's legal and ethical. Pre-school, while it has some classwork and grades, isn't necessarily a big deal. After he progresses to the next level of education then she's no longer his teacher anyway and that'll only take a year. I think his father should be able to date whoever he wants, it's his choice.
And unless they're having sex in the bed or watching an inapropriate film for your son's age group then I this is perfectly fine. Some children in two-parent households sleep with their parents after a nightmare and that's fine. Why shouldn't it be.

Plus, he doens't need your permission to engage in another relationship, you parted ways apparently and he is free to date whoever he pleases and the same goes for you. He can't tell you who you can date.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Sounds like 2 things. 1) you're jealous of the attention your son is getting from his father and the preeschool teacher and 2) you're using your child to spy on that relationship.

Therefore, I do think appropriate for your son's father to date your son's preschool teacher.

It's just a preschool relationship, and your son will move on. Hopefully he won't be so attached to his other teachers, and points to you for recognizing this.

I understand it's hard to move on, date, when you have a child, but girl, you really need to move on with your life.

Answer 5

I think it is EXTREMELY inappropriate of both of them--the father and teacher. I am disappointed in the teacher. I am a teacher, and used to be a daycare teacher and would have never considered dating a parent. I am sure the school has a policy against it also. I would look into that. If they break up the child will still have the teacher but it will be hard for the child to differentiate between teacher and "daddys special friend". Also, if the teacher is upset with the father the child may suffer during the school day with possibly less attention etc. Definitely check the school's policy on this and if possible I would move the child to another room with a different teacher.
SO INAPPROPRIATE!!!

Answer 6

Carpediem,
I think your ex-husband has every right to do what ever he wants with out your permission. If he is not your ex-husband, (just separated), then you have every right to demand he consult with you on matters such as this. You never said if you and your son's father were ever married, so it's kind of hard to answer your question. If you and he are not married and or never been married then you may have to have a hard talk with him and let him know how you feel. If he has custody rights then he may not be doing the proper things that he is suppose to be doing according to those rights.
TDCWH

Answer 7

In an ideal world, this wouldn't happen, but we only get to be in contact with a few people in the run of our lives. Couples often meet in the workplace, for example. It isn't easy, but often the alternative is that they don't meet anyone. It is far better for your son's father to be happy (for the sake of your son) than for him to remain forever single.

If it's true love, then you cannot obstruct it. If it's less than that, then maybe it would be possible to, and maybe the father is being selfish.

This much is true, however: it might be worth mentioning once, but you cannot help your son by putting pressure upon his father to end this relationship; battling with pride and lust yields messy outcomes, and if it is love, it's the right path in any case.

Answer 8

No, you don't or didn't have to be told about him dateing the teacher.

Be happy your son does like her alot!! Do you know how many kids from divorced families don't have real great communications with the new folks in their lives.

I come from a very small town. More than 1/2 the folks there have been divorced. We all have to carry on and see this ex with that one or this one.

There's also nothing wrong with laying on a bed watching tv. Do you want your son thinking there is something wrong with that?

You are wrong. Nothing had to ok'd by you first.

Answer 9

What a weird set-up. They watch movies and your son is there, too? How about just dating when the young man isn't there, first?
It definitely skews the little man's perception of her role. Granted, she's a pre-school teacher, so it won't have scholarly affects for him, but I'm sure it's still confusing for him.

I don't like it. The father should have more consideration for his son and his feelings. What if it doesn't work out? Now there's another person in his life who has left.

Bad idea, dad. Get real -for yourself and most importantly, your son.

To mom - I would try to talk to him (dad) again, BUT KEEP A LEVEL HEAD ABOUT IT. I can easily see dad saying you are upset or you are the one with the problem. Keep the focus on what's good for your son. Children are too often used as pawns in mom/dad relationships; do what's best for the little man and (as I'm sure you are) make sure you are there for him. My best to you.

Answer 10

1st your not married to him so he doesn't need to get anything ok'd by you.. if your babies daddy wants to date a different teacher every year then thats on him. don't put your son in the middle of things because he's only gonna get messed up from it. you should talk to your babies daddy alone or on the phone and let him know you don't care whose he's with, BUT you do care that he's bringing your son close to someone that might not stay, and you do not like the fact that they are all layin in bed together. i dont see the whole issue with them layin' together to watch a movie, my X and i use to lay with his 5 year old son all the time to watch movies.. it makes him closer to his father and a little closer to a women that truely cares for him because he is his daddys son.. good luck and don't flip out, just be calm and understanding.. best wishes!