Can you use a bedroom door as punishment and take it down?

Question

I share custody of my daughter and at her mothers house stepdad takes her stepsisters door down as punishment. This is not his child either and she is 13years old. When asked what J did to get her door down, my daughters says nothing. There is obvious tention between the two and they just fight all the time. Concerned by this I asked my daughter does he do this to you. No because she just can't ever shut her door. Basically an 11year old and 13 year old live with biological mom, Step dad and his two younger children and have NO privacy. Is this abuse?

She is a 13year old...4.00 student..and her step dad is very controlling.......They can't get anything from kitchen except when its is "time" an actual schedule...his nickname is creepy dan.....I have tried everything and nothing is done

She is a 13year old...4.00 student..and her step dad is very controlling.......They can't get anything from kitchen except when its is "time" an actual schedule...his nickname is creepy dan.....I have tried everything and nothing is done

Answer 1

I think people really need to stop judging before they know the whole story... where is the abuse? What if the child had snuck a boy in her room then is it wrong? What if she is doing drugs, then is it wrong? What if she has threatened to hurt herself and they are afraid to not be able to look in on her...

TO be honest I think if my parents would have taken the door off of my bedroom...I would probably not done 90% of what I did, and today, as an adult, I would be damn thankful!

If he is watching his daughter dress and undress that constitutes worry. But, please this kid is 13 she can change clothes in the bathroom if she needs privacy! I do find taking the door off extreme, but I also don't know the set of circumstances that caused this to happen... I also think of the 13 year olds I have known that sneak the opposite sex in their room or sneak out of the room so they can go out, and say, I feel its justified most likely... One thing I know is I don't want to be to quick to judge!

If you are worried about the situation. Talk to your ex, explain it has been brought to your attention and ask if there has ever been a reason that this could happen to your own child, ask why, then discuss what you both would feel is appropriate for your child, just because you aren't married doesn't mean you can't be on the same side when it comes to parenting...

GOOD LUCK

Have a GREAT day!

Answer 2

I don't think it's abuse at all. It's an inventive way to punish and it isn't pervy as she can always change clothes etc in the bathroom. My parents had the rule that I couldn't close my door unless I was sleeping *I got wigged out by the shadows by the door* for at least until I was 16ish. And even then it couldn't ever be locked for more than 5-10 minutes (for changing etc) and my parents were in the habit of checking on me every now and again. It annoyed me sure but looking back now that I have children it makes a lot of sense. And as I remember I always said I'd done nothing wrong when I got punished didn't you? Ask their mom what she did and you'll probably get a better answer.

Answer 3

I don't think taking a door down is considered abuse, as long as it is being done for good reason (slamming doors), by a REAL parent. A step parent has NO right to impose this type of punishment on children that aren't theirs. If their mom had done it, I don't really see a issue here. This guy sounds like a piece of work, have you tried knocking the crap out of him? just kidding. Your daughters are 11 and 13, how about asking them if they would rather live w/you. If so, have them ask the judge to live with their dad, and explain the reasons, @13 judges do take the child's view into account. Their step dad sounds like a controlling ---hole, I'd attempt to get young girls out of that environment ASAP.

Other then that Good Luck with this mess.

Answer 4

Privacy is differnet from supervision. I mean, you could always change clothes in the bathroom. Obviously, if they're taking full doors down from the house, the girls must've done something wrong to deserve it. It's not like the door just pops off in 5 seconds. By the way, if you wanna see a really funny example of this behavior (taking the kids' door down for punishment) check out the newer version of the Freaky Friday movie with Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan. It's pretty funny. May even make you view the punishment differently than you do now.

Answer 5

Taking away a persons privacy, especially a teenager's is one of the worst things you could do. My parents did this to me twice when I was in high school and not even for doing anything bad. i just wasn't turning in alot of writing assignments at school. I was still gettting As and Bs. The first time, they moved me in to the dining room and took up residence in my old room which happened to be the nicest room in the house. I HATED it, I am a very private person and everyone was alway going through my room and sitting on my bed and messing with my stuff. It was a terrible experience. I stayed there for more than six month until we moved and i got a room to myself. Same situation about a year later, I got moved into a garage that had been barely finished. The floor was concrete and it was cold and everyone had to go through to do their laundry. Everyone kept putting their stuff in my floor and my dad was working on the house, so he kept doing projects in my 'room' and leaving powersaws and tools and sawdust all over my floor.

I'm sorry, you can't really call this abuse, but you should be able to. It really messes up a kid to not have any privacy. And they are old enough that they need some time alone. See if you can do something about it. If she can't have a door she should at least be able to a hang a sheet over her doorway so she can have a semi private room.

Answer 6

It's not abuse, however it's an issue as a 13 year old girl needs privacy. This may sound like a crazy question (most people scoff at this, but my ex and I have a good relationship, especially in regards to our son), but have you tried talking to your ex about the situation? Both your daughters should have the ability to shut their bedroom doors; what do they do when changing clothes, go to the bathroom??? ...hopefully this isn't a deeper issue than just poor punishment choices...

Answer 7

That is a sticky situation. Have you talked to the ex and the step dad? If they are doing it to make sure she’s not on the phone/computer or watching TV they can TAKE THESE OUT OF THE ROOM!!!! It sounds a little funny to me. Girls need to have some privacy. Do they dress in their rooms or is there somewhere privet they can use to change? Sounds like a peeping tom to me. I’d talk to the ex and the step dad. See if there is anything else that can be done for punishment. Your daughter can’t shut her door EVER!! I’d want to know why??? You may want to get her out of there!!

Answer 8

I dont think its abuse I just think its not right that's not the type of punishment you should do to a 13 year old they need there privacy and if theres young children in the house she needs the door .

Answer 9

No way, not abuse!!! I cant belive people are so quick to jump on the sexual predator bandwagon!

She probably was hiding something in her room. (13 year olds DO that you know) and she probably got warned many many times before her Dad went through all the effort of taking the door off.

I used to get the doorknob taken off my door when I was that age because I would do something bad, and it was like, getting my phone taken away, or getting grounded. I think my Dad was just too lazy to take the whole door down.

I totally agree with this punishment, because you better believe that girl is going to think twice before she does whatever she did to get it taken off in the first place!!

(cant spank, cant shout, cant take away cell phone, cant deny rights to see friends, cant discipline your child at all anymore I guess)

Answer 10

No i dont think this is Abuse, I think this is a form of punishment, maybe taking the door off is a way of showing the girls that they have crossed a line. Your girls have said nothing so you have been left to wonder. I think maybe you should talk to their stepdad and the the mom. I think you should share your concerns with your in a polite manner.