What do you think? Is it ok to have a relationship with someone if your child says no?

Question

Its not my child in question its my boyfriends 7yr old daughter who feels she has the right to choose for her dad when he can get married, when we make plans together she will decide she wants to go to a movie out of nowhere and he will break our plans to take her, her mother does fuel this and poors on the guilt to him that he is neglecting his daughter, although he is the custodial parent and she just has been given right to have unpsupervised visits,grant it its his fault because he allowed her ie., his child to be this way out of feeling guilty she will feel unloved and unwanted, she adores me and loves me but feels she has the control to make that decision. I have a child as well from a previous and I do not feel he has the right to tell me who and who not I cant be with or marry for that fact, What do you think? Should a 7yr have that power and right to make decisions on who their parent wants to marry or give the go ahead on the decision?

The child isnt actually saying No but rather feels she has the power to say when, where, and how.

Answer 1

Like my daddy told me when I was growing up, never let anybody pick your mate for you. That expecially applies to children. Respect there opinion and draw the line from there.

It sounds like you are a pateint women, but you can only take so much comprimising with a child. Think about this for a second, you can become that childs stepmother and if she can pull this kinda crap now, it will only get worse as time goes on.

Remind him that he needs to be the adult in the situation. Saying "No" to a kids makes them strong and teachs them how to handle disappointment, saying yes and giving them there way turns them into spoiled brats that become out of control. Another thing, let him spend a few night alone "f you know what I mean" and he may start to cath the hint as well.

If she doesn't cry now, he and possibly you will cry later.

Answer 2

I do think that children (as well as animals) can often just sense when something is not right. But here it seems like the child is just being, well, a child. If the parents recently split, it can be a very difficult time for her, and she may want them back together, because it's what's comfortable for her. So sabotaging your relationship with her father, may seem like the best way to get her family back the way she likes it.

Also she is too young, to really understand the intricacies of a long term relationship, and that is something that only you and the father can decide. I hope everything works out.

Answer 3

I would never marry anyone if my children didn't like them. Its there lives too! Your kids should have a say but to an extent. If your BF has made plans with you and he is breaking them for her last minute wants then he is letting her get away with to much. He does have the right to go out on dates but he needs to tell his daughter that he had plans already and that if she wants to go to the movie they can plan a night to do it. The ex shouldn't be egging this on either, I'm sure she is just jealous of any female in his life.

Answer 4

The kids are verry sesitive when it's about parents. They are verry possesives. the single parent that they have must be carrefull to what the kid wants. usually they don't want to share the love of a parent with someone else. If the mother loves a man, the kid will hate this man and the mother can have serious problems with his own child. My brother in law have this problem with his 6yr boy.

Answer 5

I really dont think it is up to you. It is not your child. Is it right that someone else; a parent, friend or child should control another's relationship, no. Does it happen?, alot. I dont think his child would accept anyone to 'replace' her mother.

Let the father deal with the child, what you should answer for yourself is, is the guy worth it if you will have trouble with his daughter.

Answer 6

I think you already know the answer to this question, maybe you are looking for someone to agree with you. That tell's me that you may not have the attitude that you should with this problem with your boyfriend. You need to put your foot down and explain to him that you don't agree with the fact that his 7 year old controls your relationship. I would sit down and have a serious talk with him about this and explain how it is effecting you and the relationship. Sounds like you already know what to say.

Answer 7

i would take her out for a girls day at the spa or something so you 2 can talk. if that does not work i would talk to hubby and express your feelings about how this child is ruling the roost. if that does not work don't let her be involved in any of the planning, don't do any planning around her. when she goes to moms house do your planning then. good luck and congrats.

Answer 8

He is neglecting his daughter if her family life has been destroyed, she hasn't been with her own mother and he is diverting his attention to pursue other women. The child shouldn't make his decisions, the father should be as wise as his kid! Don't you think the girl has been through enough garbage from her so-called parents without having yet another drama in her life (his girlfriends) She's desperate for a stable home with her father's attention.

Answer 9

that man needs to learn how to be a father and now some yellow back. for a man to listen to a child instead of himself or another adult....means he is but a child himself.

demand change or move on as destruction will only happen down the road.

Answer 10

If this wasn't real, it would be funny.

The child thinks she can call the shots because she DOES call the shots. Dad drops everything when the kid whines that she wants (fill in the blank).

He's busy being her pal, and not her parent. Lose this guy, unless you want to cater to his daughter, too.