I need creative ways to discipline a 12 year old?

Question

she is my stepdaughter and her mom feels she is too old to be put in the corner. To keep down friction between her mom and dad, I am trying to get a few ideas of what we can do.

She is only over every other weekend and does not use the phone very often at my house.

According to our state laws, you can not spank the child unless you are the biologiacal, custodial parent. (We do not have custody)

Answer 1

Creative does not work. Old fashioned spankings worked for thousands of years, until some bleeding hearts started crying 'Don't beat your Children, it's cruel'. There is a difference between spanking, and beating.

Spare the rod, spoil the child. It wouldn't be such a familiar phrase if it weren't true.


Long Live Jambi

Answer 2

The first thing U should do is get an understanding with the other parent,because if the child sees the two of U having problems in what to do bout their behavior U will never get control. After that re-mind the child that nooooo- one is going to treat them better than you and your spouse.
Re-mind the child how much freedom will they be able to have in jail, foster care or they might fall in the County's System.
Very few children forget that the best place they can grow-up is at home. How do I Know** let me count the way's
1. I am the second of 11 ( eleven ) children
2. I have 2 ( girl 34, boy 31 ) 5 grandchildren
3. I am 56 yrs. old
4 All my sister's and brother's ( except 1. died in car accident in 1985 ) are alive
5. We are the grown ones and they are the children.
6 MY FINISH.: We have never spent time in jail or prison.
Always put a high value on family, We Pray together. It does not hurt.
Can't we Just Get Along ?
Don't make promises

Answer 3

I would agree that 12 is probably too old for sitting in the corner to be effective.

The main reason why that works on younger kids, is because you're taking away what they want, which is time with toys, watching TV, etc.

What you need to do with your stepdaughter, is figure out what's important to her (I think Dr. Phil calls this her currency). When she misbehaves, take away whatever that thing is. If it's not talking on the phone, then perhaps it's hanging out at the mall, or watching a favorite TV show.

You might also consider having her do something constructive, in response to her inappropriate actions. For example, if she gets in a fight at school, she could spend some time volunteering at the battered women's shelter...or if she's not getting good grades, she could serve dinner at the local soup kitchen, to see what her future may hold.

The next most important part is following through on the punishment. All of her parents need to agree on the plan, and be comfortable making sure it's adhered to, regardless of who's house she's at. You all need to have a unified front.

Answer 4

The discipline depends on the action it is warranted for. She is too old to be put in the corner, and although I'm not against a swat on the butt for 'big deal' actions of younger children, it's not appropriate for a 12 year old. Taking away priviledges, such as phone, tv, computer use, etc. are common pre-teen and teen punishments. Considering how little time you get to actually spend with your stepdaughter, I would suggest trying to figure out why she does what she does in hopes of diverting her before it happens again or working through your issues if it's due to aggression towards you or personal resentment. The sooner you can get through the rough/troubled exterior, the sooner the two of you can start harboring a healthy relationship so that you'll enjoy your weekends with her and won't need to blog questions about her discipline! :)
Good luck!

Answer 5

It's difficult to discipline another person's child.

I'd refrain from anything 'physical' such as spanking because she's not yours and sometimes the "step" issue can be sensitive.

What exactly is she doing that's out of line? Is she being disrespectful with her talk? Rolling eyes, etc?

I'd say try first sitting down and explaining to the rules of the household. Address whatever she is doing that's 'causing concern' (don't tell her it's not right because then she might get defensive) and explain to her the behavior/respect that you and your husband expect from her and know she's capable of.

Let her know if she doesn't adhere to the rules of the household that you will have to punish her by taking away something she enjoys or preventing her from watching t.v. - etc. Don't reward bad behavior and when she does something right its okay to commend her. You don't have to praise her and throw a party each time, but everyone enjoys praise every now and then.

The main thing is sit down and talk to her first - as a parent and address the issues at hand.

Answer 6

I am a girl who is 12 too and when i do things wrong i get discipline lot of ways. I get sent to the corner still or sent to my room and get yelled at lot. If i done something realy bad i get a grounding or even a spanking! Other times i have to write sentences over and over again or write about what i did wrong and what i learned or get things taken away or do my sisters chores and lose my allowance. I feel bad 4 ur girl but maybe some of these things u can do if shes bad.

Answer 7

Take things away. I always HATED that. Also, I would rather get spanked as a child than be grounded because I was a social butterfly... so when I would get a spanking, Id be happy... It depends on the child.

But I KNOW that if my phone/favorite thing ever got taken away I thought twice before I did whatever got me in trouble again.

Answer 8

When my kids were that age I ask them to write us a letter of explanation for their unacceptable behavior and what acceptable behavior would have been. Sometimes we required an apology. If the letter was flippant or not on point etc. I told them it had to be redone. It was my experience that at 12 ,many times they did not know why they did certain things. The letter made them focus on their actions. It also help them develop their sense of consequence . It was also punishment, because they HATED writing the letters. Other bonuses were improved spelling,punctuation,handwriting etc. For you another bonus is your husband can give the letters to her mom. This helps promote the 3 way cohesive parenting.( I can not get this answer to correct mistakes, sorry)

Answer 9

I have a a pre-teen also and while it is safe to say that their bodies are raging with hormones we as parents must still keep control. To discipline mine we use labor intense chores like raking the yard (our yard is about 3/4 of an acre. You will find after a few hours that they are too tired to cause much of a ruckus and you are also instilling a good work ethic.

Answer 10

Oh goodness, you're in a tough spot.

There is an excellent book called, "Creative Correction", (written by a former TV actress). It's very good and provides examples and ways to think of creative correction that works perfectly for the person requiring correction and the crime.

I'd recommend that.

Good luck though. Being a step mom is a tough job. I know I made my step moms life miserable. :(