Will he ever change?

Question

If my boyfriend has been abusive (physically and verbally) in the past and recently, is it possible that he will ever change?

We just broke up, but now he seems like the sweetest person ever. Is it possible that he's truly cleaned his act up this time now that he really realizes he doesn't want to live without me?

Also, is it likely that he will get another woman and abuse her, or do you think since he lost me because of it he won't do that to her?

Answer 1

Hello I am sorry to hear about your situation. You have to move on and to forget him .. you should never have to tolerate a partner who is physically or verbally abusive. If he abusive in the past and recently then it is unlikely that he would change .. He may or been through a traumatic experience when he was young that may trigger his anger maybe his father abused his mother? Its hard to tell. Although its hard you have to do the right thing foryourself and your life .. because it doesnt seem like has these issues at heart. He is probably only acting sweet to try and get you back. Even if he has changed you should move on because there is the right guy out there for you , just waiting. Someone who is kind and loyal and would never dream of hurting you.. Isnt he worth waiting for? Maybe ou could remain friends with your ex .. maybe your relationship is more suited to friendship .. but if you would find it hard not to give in to him then you should make a clean break and move on. I think he would probably abuse another female .. its probably something to do with his brain maybe a disorder? Stastics show one in five people have a mental disorder .. not like handicapped people more like depression ect.. He didnt abuse you because you are you he probably abused you so that he felt powerful and dominant to make up for the fact that he has no self control over his own life..

Good luck with your life and best wishes

Please remember that you have to do whats best for you and regardless of if hes changed he cant change the past and there is someone out their that is perfect for you!

Answer 2

I don't have a lot of knowledge about this. I DO want to commend you, though, for putting THOUGHT into how things would be if you got back together. Too many women rush right back in, and end up getting hurt again. And violence has a tendency to escalate over time.

You know, a good way to tell... GIVE IT TIME. If he is still sweet, amazing, caring, and hasn't flipped out in 6-8 months, you could consider giving it another chance. It is your health, your life, at stake. So do NOT compromise. And talk to some abuse support groups that will have specific advice (because I can't help there)!

Answer 3

If you take him back he will abuse you again. If he finds a new girl he will abuse her eventually as well. He can change but first he needs to want to change and realize he has a problem and second he needs about a years worth of counseling for abusers. You dont need this in your life girl. There is no reason whatsoever that you should put up with anybody abusing you. Get out and stay out.

Answer 4

I don't think people like your ex boyfriend can change on their own. Did he get counseling? probably not. He can say he will change, but it is just doubtful. Most people that are abusive have their reasons for doing so and you had nothing to do with it. The issue is something he has to deal with. I'm not saying it's not possible for him to change, it is just highly unlikely. If you truely believe he is telling you the truth and want to give him another chance, than do so at risk. But just know you could come out emotionally hurt in the end moreso than before, if you even make it out alive. I would also say if he got another woman. He would eventually do the same thing to her. Just be careful and be safe.

Answer 5

Usually if a guy has been abusive in the past and has been recently then most likely he still is...it takes years for a guy to change from being abusive...alot of the men whom are abusive seem sweet in the beginning then once they know that they have you then they get abusive...there may be a possiblity but i doubt it...my dad was abusive to my mom and once she left and divorced him he hasnt hit or touched another woman...there is no way to tell if i man isnt abusive anymore or if he still is..only way is to watch his actions if he get angry really easily then he might still be...good luck

Answer 6

NO!! I have an ex who I went thru this with for years, when I would finally let him come back, the whole thing would start all over again.

He is now with another women, who he treats the same way, abusing her both physically and verbably as well as emotionally.

Your man will not change, if he truely wants to, he needs to attend counseling, and go from there.

Answer 7

Yes, he will get another woman, and yes, he will treat her just as badly as he treated you. You need to do some research into abusive men, Lundy Bancroft writes a wonderful book about angry men, and women's abuse shelters will also give you more resources. Find out why you loved this guy and how you can change. History repeats itself. He isn't sweet. It's an act. The monster inside still lives.

Answer 8

Well... he may change ... eventually. But do you really want to stick around to be his punching bag until that does or does not happen. Unless he's taken some initiative to change, like anger management or counseling, there's no reason why you should trust him. The situation you've described sounds like the typical, vicious cycle that happens in abusive people: abuse, guilt, remorse, sweetest person ever. But the cycle will likely make the circle again. Are you doing to be there when it does?

Answer 9

No he will not change without some serious, long-term therapy and counseling. If he could change on his own, why didn't he do it before he beat you up for the second time? He will always abuse women unless he commits himself to therapy and counseling- and devote at least 8-10 months to it without being involved in a relationship. And even then, he's still a risk.

Answer 10

He most likely learned his lesson and realizes that 'that' is no way to treat someone, especially in a relationship. People change, it's only a matter of trust.

He probably will not do that to another woman...and yet again he may. Looks can be deceiving, maybe he hasn't changed. Without seeing him in person, I cannot say he has or hasn't...only you can make that judgement.