Should I continue to allow my Babies father to be in our lives?

Question

Ive known my current babies father for 10 years. Hes been in and out of jail and everytime I have took him back. Now that I have been pregnant he calls less and makes a whole lot less of an effort. Would It be wrong for me to not make an effort and keep him out of our lives. I feel like if he really wanted this family he could have it but my patience are running low and Im at my breaking point. This isnt a time to be along yet here I am with many questions and no answers. My family isnt very supportive about this pregnantcy but abortion isnt an option. God never gives us what we cant handle!



I have been really stressed out now that I am pregnant with my 2nd child only being 21.

Answer 1

no one can tell you what to do. you have to follow whats in your heart. but when the child gets older and wants to know him. leave that up to her or him. but be there for your child. good luck and best wishes. i have a son that don't know his dad. and when he wanted to know him i helped him look for him, but his dad didn't want nothing to do with him. i stood by my son through all this. and hes a great guy. and just relax a love the child and this one everything will work out fine. just don't lose hope and the love.

Answer 2

Anyone high on drugs should not be caring for a baby. If he definitely has a drug problem, I would get this addressed with Social Services. If he was pushing you while you were pregnant, then he is a danger to you and the baby. It should be reported, If need be you should be able to take a restrainer order out. Anyone that has been known to be violent to you and uses drugs, can not be trusted around you while you are pregnant. You never know when he might "go off" and hurt the baby. I too would normally always say that a father should be part of a child's life, but biology makes you a parent, only behavior, support, compassion and love can make you a father.

Answer 3

same sitution here. almost. i quit making an effort a long time ago. i do not regret it at all, and i do not thik it is wrong. since my son's real father has been out of jail ( a month already) he has called him 2 times. bith of those were at least 2 or 3 days aart and the same week he got out. i don't call him and he knows our # so he has no excuse for not calling. now he is not paying his child support and i am loving it becuase as always he is srewing things up. which is fine by me because the longer he doesn't pay the longer he will be in jail when i do not recieve. if you believe that he is not making the effort then you do not need to make one either. you need to grow some juevos and stop giving into him and letting him keep coming around. he doesn't make an effort now because you make his efforts for him. you do all the work you stop doing this and he will come around or stay away. hopefully the second option. but just remember your childs biological father will always be his father but it takes someone special to be a daddy. good luck and i hope everything turns out for the for you and your children......holly

Answer 4

First things first honey: stop - take a deep breath - and relax.
Second, unless he is doing something that could put your child in harms way (physically or mentally) I don't think it would be very healthy to tell him to stay away completely. My daughters father is always in and out but I leave the door open at all times and have never said a bad thing about him to her (even though he drives me insane) because eventually, she will realize that he is the one that made the decision to leave. Third, I'm 28 unmarried and pregnant with my third child (daughter: 9yo and son: 18mo) I know how it feels to know that your family isn't supportive but like you said: God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Just concentrate on the children and yourself.

Honestly, this guy doesn't seem like a great father figure. Instead of not allowing him to be in th babies life: maybe after the baby is born you take him to court for child support and custody. Work out a supervised visitation.

Well, I hope this helped some. Remember: When you feel yourself getting worked up about this, take a deep breath and try to relax: its better for the baby.

Take Care sweetheart and God Bless!

Answer 5

If he's been in and out of jail that much, you should move on and find someone to do right by you and the law or your child could turn out like him. Give him the option of being part of your lives but if he shows no interest, you both are probably better off without him. Be strong and good luck with your decision. Do whats best for you and you children. YOu dont need the stress ever, especially when pregnant.

Answer 6

That is a really tough question. I wish I had the right or wrong answer for you, but I can tell you my personal experience. My mother had me when she was 17. My father was 22 and married to someone else. When she told him she was pregnant he never spoke to her again, despite her attempts to make him an active part of my life. I am 24 now and I have never met my real father. From my experience, you can't miss what you don't have. I am not saying that you shouldn't allow him to, but rest assured that if you provide a loving environment for your baby, that not having a father will eventually just become part of life. I really wrestled with it during adolesence, but now I realize that my mother did what she thought was best. Sometimes you can't force someone to be something they just aren't.

Also, it could be tough on a child to have someone in their life that isn't stable. A child could probably deal with someone they have never met a lot easier than someone who is in and out of their life.

I hope that this helps. A baby is a blessing, and hopefully you can find some support, whether it is through family or good friends! Good luck.

Answer 7

You are the one who is 100 percent wrong in even trying. You have a man who is a felon. You want your kid to grow up and be like daddy? Do you think this is a good role model for you and your child? NO IT ISN'T! Run like hell and don't look back. I can honestly also say you need professional help at this point because you have some self esteem issues and co-dependence type issues. Do it for your child if no one else. Your lifestyle is not normal for children.

Answer 8

I beleive you should allow him to be in the childs life but you shouldn't have to make any effort. I eman if he wants to be part of it them allow him. The only reason why i say not to make an effort is because you will then be counting on him and then end up lieing to your child bout the dad. Where if you start form the start and not count on him then the child will accpect that as they grow older.It will also lead to your heart ache. Not only have you got to think about the child but you haveto think bout your healtha nd feeling as well.

Answer 9

Ok, the first problem that this guy is your baby's father, not your husband. You have no ties to him. You have two babies by two different fathers. Take both fathers to court, get them paying child support, and get on with your life.

Forget about this loser in jail. He will always be in your life, but, you don't have to have a relationship with him. You don't have a chance in your life if you stay with this loser.

Answer 10

I say you should just leave the guy alone. He obviously doesn't care about you or your children or else he would stop going to jail. You can make it on your own. It's going to be hard at first but you can do it. Good luck to you in your endeavors!