Do you have a right to be upset?

Question

I have been with my partner for 6 years. We have a 2 yr old daughter and we are in the process of buying our first home. Weve been living together since I was pregnant. I would love to start trying for another baby but would prefer to be engaged or married first. Getting engaged has always been a sensitive issue with my partner. He is 23 and I have just turned 26. All our friends around us are getting engaged or married. Both his friends and mine. His best friend has now told us he plans to ask his girlfriend to get married next week in new york. I am happy for them but cant help feel envious. They got together when I was pregnant. My best friend is getting married this Christmas, she has been with her partner 2 years. Getting engaged is a really big thing for me. All our friends joke about my partner asking the big question every time a special occasion comes up. It is also getting embarrasing. For me. He is not too bothered but I am. He knows how I feel. Would you be upset?

Answer 1

I think your maybe a little insecure, he is obviously happy living with you and your child - your living as man and wife anyway so does a rock on your hand really make a difference?

Answer 2

I see a lot of people have advised you not to worry about it - not to push him, and others saying that they would indeed be upset too - for good reason! I agree with the ones who say you should be upset. Why does it have to be ALL the man's choice? I don't understand this. Marriage is just another set of commitment that will join you two. You've already got a child together, and that is the biggest commitment you could make to someone. Something that will join you forever, can't get outta that one. Marriage you can. In any event, sit down with him, and seriously tell him that you don't understand why he doesn't want to get married? Is the hassle and money the issue? If so, would you be happy with a small wedding, even a civil ceremony? I can see what you're saying though. I'd feel sad too! Good luck!

Answer 3

Crikey...you've been with him for 6 years....so was what ,,,, 17 and you were 20 when you first got together? Sweetie, you're the older and supposedly more mature out of the two of you. I'm guessing you were his first love...(maybe he wasn't yours cos you're a bit older). But in his position, he's a 23 father of one who's been in the same relationship for 6 years! He's done pretty well sticking by you so far!

Just because your friends are is no reason to get engaged or married! You're actually sounding the more immature out of the two of you if that's what you're basing your reasons on.

Firstly, have you both decided you want another child? Secondly, if you're both in the process of buying your own/first home together...again that is a sign of commitment on his behalf. Maybe he just wants to get that sorted first before taking on anything else. (Face it love, men CAN:T multitask...it's scientifically impossible).
Have you wondered that perhaps your friends actually envy your situation??? You've been with him longer, you're buying a home together, there's talk of having another child?? Maybe they're fast forwarding everything to get to where you are????

Take your time love....if he's a good partner, good father and good provider, count your blessings, appreciate each other and sod what everybody else is doing! My feeling is, with such a background, he'll get around to it eventually, he just has to cross other things off his list first.

AND, how about showing a bit of support for him when your friends make you feel embarrassed about not being engaged or having a ring or not making wedding plans.....just say....I'm SURE of his commitment... WE'RE sure of each other...
I TRUST him...WE'll get there WHEN we've sorted out the other things we want first, like the house....etc!
You never know, I'm sure you've made your feelings known to him so when that's all crossed off his list, he might well still surprise you (romantically),....but not if you've dictated what you want, when you want it, where you want it, how Jimmy did it to Jane, how big the ring was Mike bought Chantelle....give him a break and appreciate him for what he is and what you've got!

Answer 4

hi, firstly are you wanting to get engaged for the right reasons and not because everyone around you is either getting engaged or married...i must admit 6 years is along time to be with someone and not move the relationship to the next commitment level, ask your boyfriend does he ever want to get married and if so try at least talking about dates and places, sometimes guys have to have a push in the right direction, tell him you feel as if he doesn't love you enough or you feel insecure why wont he commit himself to you, get him to talk about how he is feeling, some guys may not like the idea of commitment although moving in with someone and having a baby together is just that, i guess you will have to have a heart to heart but don't appear to be desperate or seem nagging him in to it just say how it makes you feel and how much you love him....good luck and you never know he may ask at Christmas....

Answer 5

Sure I will, I think if I was in a relationship with a male and I have his child of course you will want him to propose not just to be his nest. I think he is comfortable like this and you not...And he knows is that botheres you...Then he should do something...Either propose to you and get marry or go away where he can find somebody that is comfortable with a free relationship don't that make sense to you...I know that when a person loves you enough they will marry you easily but when they don't then they have doubts about if they want you as a partner forever like everybody says I don't believe that but it hap pend sometimes Good luck ask him propose him And see if he is willing to get engage and marry you You have the right because you are the mother of his child don't be embarrassed about. And finally you will find out if he is going to be your husband one day or just the girlfriend with his daughter...Good luck

Answer 6

Yes.

Producing children in a relationship that is not advancing to the next level is not a good idea.

Wait until you both are married and established.

If he does not want to get married or don't see the "big deal" as you feel different, then obviously the relationship is not at a stable time to have more children when you two don't have any idea where the relationship is going.

Answer 7

I am in practically the same siuation. My boyf and I have been together for five, nearly six years. All our friends are getting marride, even the guy who swore he would never, ever ever get married is proposing to his new girlf on xmas day. My partner knows that I really want to get married especiallly cos I would like a baby soon but he keeps saying that we are fine as we are. We have a house together and he feels thats enough. What also doesn't help is that his mom keeps saying we don't to ruin things by getting married ( just cos her and her husband keep falling out over his drinking). So I know how you feel and yes you have every right to be upset. And how annoying is it when all your friends go on and on about it!?!?! My 5 year old god daughter even asked me the other day 'why aren't you married?'
I think just sitting down with him and having a really in depth conversation about what it all means to you again and again until he gets it. Thats what I'm doing!! Good Luck xx

Answer 8

You really need to sit down together and discuss this seriously! You really need to be singing from the same hymnsheet here if there's a future for you both! You can't blame him for being daunted at the age of 23, but he's chosen to bring up a baby with you and take the step of buying a home together, so he needs to face responsibility now. Find out why he's against marriage (if he is), let him know why it's so important to you and try and communicate better! Good luck!X

Answer 9

I could of wrote this question myself, I have been with my bf for almost 10 years and he still is not divorced from his wife (they have been separated for well over 15 years).

All my friends are either engaged or getting married, a bit like yourself although we don't have any children yet (but we are trying :) ).

My mum is the worst one when it comes to mentioning special occasions, my bf knows how I feel too but sometimes I just don't think he cares about my feelings, needs or wants...it's just what suits him and that's it :(

If things don't change I have came to the decision that I will have to move in my life to get what I want, if your not happy maybe you should talk to him about it and let you know exactly how you feel and maybe tell him that you will move on to someone who does want to marry you.

Don't waste your life like I have, waiting around for your man to make the decision for you, think what is best for you and your child and go for it.

Answer 10

It was like reading my own life story!! im in the same situation as you and i craved for my partner to ask me to marry him. It was only tonight after nearly splittlng up that he said 'im just not the marrying type'. He is a great dad, we are working on our relationship because we love each other and believe we have something worth fighting for.. Ask yourself this question, would u rather not get married or engaged? or would you rather lose your partner forever? I can understand you being upset but you have sooooo much to be happy for. I have 2 small children and i know that marriage probably wont ever be on the cards with my partner but im happy xx

Answer 11

He is too young to get married, He is trapped because you got pregnant! It's natural at his age to want to do what people HIS age do, such have fun and be single. For Pete's sake, he was a child when you got together, you were already an ADULT.

Be smart and don't get pregnant again. He will not marry if you insist on having more babies... At your age, it's natural that you want to settle down, but not at his stage in life. He wants to keep his options open... and rightfully so.

Good luck