What should he do?

Question

I have a friend, we'll call him Steve. Anyhow Steve is gay but also a christian. Steve does not want to disobey God and therefore does not practice homosexuality, even though he is attracted to men. However Steve has a problem, Steve is lonely. Most of his friends are married and have children and even though Steve would like that for himself, he just doesn't like women and won't partner with another man. What should Steve do? I feel really bad for him but don't know what to tell him.

You guys are great, thanks for all of your supportive answers so far. I've talked to Steve about some of them and he is touched that strangers seem to understand him more than most of his friends.

Answer 1

Steve should find a support group of other gay christians - they are out there. They even have gay churches. Spending your short life denying who you are can't be very satisfying for Steve.

Answer 2

Well, it's a 2 way choice, if you don't count being miserable or living a lie as an option. Either he accepts that he's gay and changes his approach to Christianity so that he can live a fulfilling life with the desires God gave him; or he deliberately masters his desires and finds a way to lead a fulfilling life believing homosexuality is wrong, without having romantic or sexual relationships. There isn't any room for compromise - when you have a conflict you either give up one thing, or the other. It's generally not a great idea to just be unhappy and whine to your friends about it.... but of course you can't tell him that.

You are in no place to "tell him" anything, really. If he is complaining to you about how lonely he is, all he needs from you is listen and tell him his feelings are valid, and offer your support for however he chooses to handle it. If you would not support him doing one or the other of his options, you should clue him in so that he won't expect your support if he does it.

Answer 3

I like what Steve has done so far and hasn't traded faith for lust. And I know that being alone like that must be very hard for him.
I think that Steve should find something really meaningful in his life that would help him with the pain like his friends, a job or a service (maybe something to do with children). Also he might want to consider the priesthood which would be a very fulfilling life since he has a strong enough faith to persevere like he has. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

Steve should make some friends. What is Steve into? What does Steve like to do for fun. Maybe Steve can meet other people who like the same things.

I pray for Steve so Steve gets stronger :)

Answer 5

He needs to be himself, period. And if that means that he is gay, then he is gay and he should embrace that. I really hate hearing stories like this, because he is definitely struggling and looking for acceptance and support in a place that will not afford it to him. Of course, religion and church are not the place to really find that if you happen to be gay! And the proof is in some of the idiotic and preachy phobic answers I have read so far, calling on him to change and deny his preferences with the threat of damnation. Stop it, bible thumpers! You carry more gay secrets and child raping tales in your collective closets everyday! Look, Steve, if you are gay, be gay and be proud that you are. If you deny this or put alot of fear and agony over it it will hurt you more in the end. Sure you may fit in with the church, but you will live a double life, and no one deserves to have to do that. And it can scar you horribly. You may have to cut ties with the church, but you can still love God and hold to many of your beliefs. You can still be good to others and still love your neighbor. And mostly, you can accept you for who you ARE and find people that accept that. I am a straight man telling you this, be true to yourself please, at all costs!

Answer 6

Steve needs to decide whats more important to him, living for God or being lonely. If God ranks top on his list, theres not much else for him to do. If not, he should start looking for someone to love.

Answer 7

Steve has to realize that men (humans) wrote the bible and these laws. They didnt know any better and condemned others that were different. Since he believes in god, he should also realize that he was made that way for a reason.

Answer 8

Well Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Paul here is saying that it is good to be like him, unmarried. He was able to fully commit to the gospel and the work for Jesus Christ without the hold of an immediate family, wife and kids. So maybe your friend could be like Paul in this matter.

Answer 9

listen Steve.........try to live your life in your own way.
No one can say how you have to live it.
To be alone is very sad, and life is too much short.
So, if nothing is allowed, look for a lonely young woman that cant find her partner, marry her ( not need to have sex) and adopt a kid.
We can say that would be a convenience marriage

Answer 10

I admire Steve for remaining celibate. There are recovery programs at certain churches that deal with this, check around and find one for your friend. God bless you both.