My Boyfriend is bipolar & very insecure. Help!?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, throughout which I knew what I was getting myself into when he told me he was bipolar, now I just don't know anymore. He has always tried to self medicate himself, and has tried numerous times to stop. He wants help but won't do anything about it. He is a very intelligent guy and has lots of potential. He is VERY attached to me, and i love him, but i don't know if it's enough. Lately he's become extremely verbally abusive and controlling and he blames me for everything, becuase he is also taking oxycotins and not his meds. I don't know what to do, I'm loosing my mind and i have no one to talk too.

Answer 1

Oxycontin can cause anyone to become agitated, aggressive, and angry, but it seems to be even worse with people that have mood disorders.

You seem to be very insightful. Your last line is very important - you already know you need someone to talk to. People who have been in similar circumstances can often be the most help. There are support groups in most cities for bipolar people and/or their families and loved ones. Check the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org). You might benefit from online support. NAMI (nami.org) has online support for clients and families suffering from many, many mind illnesses.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I'm going to be direct and to the point, speaking from a guys perspective who is bipolar.

You've fallen victim to a co-dependant relationship. At this point, your boyfriend is facing a number of issues that have nothing to do with you and he fears abandonment. This is the explanation for his verbal abuse, where in a normal situation, if someone had that much animotisty towards you to verbally abuse you, that would indicate he doesn't want to be with you. But that is not the case, he's verbally abusing you, because he's feels inadequate and those feelings, coupled with other forms of depression he's harvesting are very hard to cope with. His verbal abuse is really just a subliminal cry for help. He want's you to know how much he's hurting, but he can't expresses properly because he has no sense of self right now.

It is impossible to treat bipolar disorder while abusing substances. It's also impossible to get help when you're in a co-dependant relationship. He's not strong enough to be a good boyfriend, let a lone take care of his issues. Relationships involve a lot of emotion, which is very powerful in how it effects his mood swings and depression.

Cutting off the relationship (which does not have to be perminent) will give him the opportunity to build stregth on his own and give you a chance to heal from the verbal abuse.

It's his responsibility to manage his condition and if he choses not to, that shows that he has no respect for the relationship. He owes it to you to get some help if he expects to retain you as his woman.

Bipolar Disorder is very complex and cannot be treated while on substances. He's going to have to find the strength to get help on his own, so he can get some clean time and treat his disorder.

This may take several months or years, but in will give him a chance to lead a normal and happy life.

I was your boyfriend once and I would have been happily married if I followed my own advice three years ago. But I didn't catch myself in time and I've since paid the price.

If things continue on this path, you will eventually be worn out to the point where you'll have no choice but to leave him. I can speak for my last 3 ex girlfriends, I know what I'm talking about.

Good luck and I wish you the best. please feel free to email me if you want to talk [e-mail]

Answer 3

He needs to seek out some serious help and fast. I'm sure you know that OCs are not a treatment for bi-polar, and he needs to get on some medications and get them regulated that will treat him. Chances are if he is self medicating and going on and off his meds, then none of them are actually in his system long enough to have any type of effect on him anyway. What he really needs is a good doctor, one with experience treating bi-polar patients, and knowledgable about all the meds available at the moment. And there are so many...he may be started on several different ones and taken off and put on new ones. The difference between him doing it himself and the doctor doing it, is that the doctor will be regulating it, and making him take them long enough to see what type of effect that they have on him. It may take a while, but a good doctor can get him straightened out a little better and taken care of. Is he hooked to the OCs do you think? Because that can interfere with how his brain is handleing his mood changes as well. He may become violent without treatment, you can never be sure. I would suggest that you try to find him a good doctor in your area, especially if he wants help. If he wants it and knows he needs it, maybe he just needs you to give him a little push in the right direction towards getting it. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Tell him to STOP taking oxycotins. Ask an expert on perscription drugs to advise you about choosing the best medication for his condition as some of them have serious side effects. I also would suggest getting him to a mental health expert. DON'T let him intimidate you. Stand your ground. You should also respectfully suggest examining his diet, exercise routine and sleep patterns because these can have a major effect on his bipolarism.

Answer 5

Okay. Well. I know how youre feeling. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I love him to death. We used to be like, really really good. You know? Then he told me he was bipolar after a year. He refuses to take meds and says bad stuff to me all the time. He tells me what he is feeling, but lies a lot. Hes not supportive of anything I do.... I tried to talk to him... He didnt listen. You need to talk to him FIRST. If it doesnt work the first time, try again. If that doesnt work... he doesnt care. And if he listens and doesnt care about what you have to say, be done. And as a warning, he may say if you break up with him, he'll kill himself. He'll say anything he can to keep you. But dont listen. Its usually not true. Unless you know for a fact hes telling the truth, blow it off. You dont need it. Trust me. Ive been through hell.... Hope I helped!!!!

Answer 6

Get rid of him, fast.

My ex-brother-in-law is bipolar and self-medicated himself for years. As the years went on he became more verbally abusive and then it became apparent it was going to become physical. It took a few cop cars to haul him away to the hospital after his doctor turned him in for threats. They can also become more depressed as time passes and the potential for suicide is greater.

Get out of the relationship now.

Answer 7

You answered your own question. You have no one to talk to so the answer is, find a therapist and go talk to him/her.

You can not change anyone or help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. The only thing you have control over is yourself. Take the control and better your situation.

He will need therapy and rehab possibly. I suggest you go to Alanon type meetings to talk with others who have had this same problem. Too, you can go to the nearest hospital which should have some classes on bi-polar conditions.

Knowledge is power.

Answer 8

Girl...you need to get him evaluated by a mental health professional NOW, especially if he's getting abusive!!

Tell him that you love him, but his behaviors are scaring you and you are concerned for his well being. Tell him he can go with you willingly or you will call and report that he is a danger to himself (make up something if you have to).

My mother had/has very similar issues, for as long as I can remember and when she was off her meds, she got scary and I had to take her to mental health a few times.

Also, you need to seek some sort of counseling or support group for yourself. Look in the local paper or on line for one in your area.

Bottom line is, you need to look out for yourself 1st off, because you will be no good to anyone if your not in good shape.

Good luck.

Answer 9

i got bipolar im 54yo male have not went to the doctor yet my wife dont know how she put up with me some time i get bad the up and down of it

Answer 10

AWEE <3
HUN JUST TELL HIM TO STOP TAKN THEM DRUGS AND TAKE EM FROM HIM OR THROW EM OUT OR SOMETHING.