How do I answer personal questions?

Question

Sometimes people ask personal questions regarding my love life. They will ask things like: are you seeing someone, are you not married yet, are you still seeing so and so, why are you not dating that nice guy anymore, etc. I don't like this. Especially if I answer that I am not involved, they react as if it is a disaster to be single, or suggest I meet this lovely young man they know, they are sure I'll just love him. And if I say I am seeing someone, they want to know everything about him, and ask when we are getting married. And then afterwards they gossip about it.

How should I react to these questions? If I say "It's none of your business" I sound too rude. If I ignore it, they just go on. I will tell my mother and close friends about these things, but no one else.

Answer 1

You can tell some one its none of your business without being rude. just tell them that its personal and you would rather not discuss it. If they keep pushing then you can get rude.

Answer 2

People like talking about themselves even more than they like pushing their noses into other people's business. Have some questions ready, and when someone says "Have you got a boyfriend at the moment" say "No, listen, how was your holiday?" or whatever. Most people will take the hint that it's not something you want to discuss, but some really rude people will push it. Then you have to say, kindly, that it's not something you want to talk about. But think up your answers in advance, so you're not put on the spot and squirm to think of the right thing to say.

It's talking about money that gets me - some people will ask what you do for a living, and then say "What does that pay, then?", or ask how much you paid for your house. I've given details before, because I didn't want to offend, or couldn't think how to get out of it, but I can still remember those occasions, and regret it. "Oh, the usual kind of rate" will normally give them the hint, but now I usually say that I prefer to keep that private. Tough if they don't like it. They must have thick skins to ask in the first place.

When you see these people coming, put your armour on!

Answer 3

make a joke of your reply are you seeing some one yes I'm looking at you... close to getting married? Sure I live close to a married couple.... It's a way of saying mind your own business without being rude. Just make sure your charming as you answer and they will get the point. Follow up your reply with changing the subject or else they will start talking about their own personal life and expect you to reciprocate with an answer about yours. If they don't get the point and keep asking then etiquette is out the door and you can be rude because it is rude to keep asking.

Answer 4

This is a hard one, since people always have advice for you and always want more (even when you get married they will start asking about children). Normally it is just that they are interested or concerned about you, it is a cultural thing. Everyone is judged by who they are seeing and nobody wants anybody to be lonely.
Taking this into account I would say to answer according to the response you might get, if you want to be set up, say you are single, if you want to be asked when you will get married, say you are seeing someone, or if you want to be left alone say something (I did this) like, "right now I need some time to develop myself spiritually/intellectually/physically... how do you manage to achieve this with the life you live...". And then they start to speak about themselves.
good luck!

Answer 5

I get those kind of questions very often, what I do in a more direct but polite ways:

1. Personal questions another time.
2. Could we focus on what we have to do, another time we can talk about own selfs.
3. What does my personal life has to do with your life?
4. We are talking about "x" topic not about me.
5. I really dont like to talk about myself right now, why dont you share something private to me?
6. Silence. Sometimes I ignore the question, I leave or just my silence tells the other person that I have no interest in following the conversation, is big signal could be seen as rude but works sometimes the other person will know how to give interpretation to that silence, I dont have to answer questions or talk to someone i dont even dont or dont even like.

Most of the time works. It bothers me when someone tries to have personal information when i dont even know that person or when the person claims to want to know me asking private things. Trust is important, and also is important to know the other person, his or her reasons to know you better, and also to keep slow, some people love to hurry and to talk about you or others and real friendship comes with time, not answering fast questions.

Answer 6

Lottie's got the right idea...by asking another question. You can't always think of one on the spot though so you should use deflective questions instead. If you really have to answer an uncomfortable question, don't be rude, just prefix your answer with ..."happily not" or "fotunately not"...then immediately say along the lines of enough about me, I'm much more interested in what you have to say....and ask them a question. People do like to talk about themselves rather than listen to others, especially if they're strangers or just acquaintances. If they're actual friends, they should know you well enough for you to feel comfortable enough to just say "didn't work out, let's change the subject - what's going on with you?"!

Another method is what I call "the mix of maze and bore them to death". When asked "are you still seeing MrX", just say "well, I saw him recently and we were talking about (substitute any subject, for example - has Xmas become too commercialised?...and he said...blah blah blah...and I said blah blah blah......." and after a few mins they'll have either gotten the idea NEVER to ask you anything like that again.....or SO bored with yours and Mr X's conversation, that they'll be glad you dumped him!

Just smile and change the subject! Go and practise it now!!!

Answer 7

As the holder of several philosophy degrees I am a master at evasive answering!

If people ask you if you are seeing someone say "I am seeing quite a few people at the moment." You could also try a kind of reverse psychology "Are you still having sex with your husband/wife?" If you are asked when are you going to get married say "Well there is an intention we can all keep i our prayers." or "Well, right now I'm still waiting for George Clooney to give me a call, in fact, is that m moblie? Excuse me!"

Answer evasively and firmly and people will drop it. You couldalso just say "I prefer to keep my private life, private thank you"

Answer 8

Proofreadergirl's answer is great! People always love talking about themselves, so do your best to deflect the question, and then have some questions of your own ready for them. It's a great tactic, and one that I use often whenever I don't want to talk about something.

BTW - I sympathize!!! It's most important to be happy within yourself, and you can be happy whether you're in a relationship or not.

So, to deflect the questions, just stay vague and pleasantly neutral - like whenn asked "Are you still seeing that nice guy?" answer: "I haven't seen him lately, but I heard that your cousin is expecting again!! That's so wonderful. Has she picked out names yet?" (Okay, that's assuming her cousin is actually expecting - but you get the drift.)

Answer 9

As uncomfortable as it may be, you should let these curious individuals know how you feel about their intrusions into what is your private life.

While I agree that the reply "None of your business" may, on the surface, appear rude, I believe you need to look at the bigger picture. Are these people themselves being rude by asking about such private matters? I believe so. Therefore, if they ask you confronting question, give them an equally confronting reply (ie, "None of your business).

Just stick to your guns - alternatively, you could always ask your inquisitors about their love life or sex life (and watch them run a thousand miles ...)

Do it.

Answer 10

I get this a lot myself and it's so annoying. I know usually people are just being friendly but when it's relatives it gets old fast. I like to use the "answer a question with another question" technique. Ask them why they want to know. You can always just say you're not interested in pursuing a relationship at the moment, or that you prefer to let nature take its course and that if something happens, it happens. My personal favorite is when someone asks me "how come you're not married?" i like to reply "just lucky i guess".

Answer 11

Tell them that a few people are interested in you at the moment but you want to put your career first at the moment. That way they don't feel the need to get you fixed up as they know that you have offers and it might get them talking about your job. I don't know why so many married people think that single people are missing out. Single people get to do whatever they like, whenever they like and with whoever they want. Married people moan constantly about each other.