I am in my 30's & engaged to be married. I am from Asia & in my culture we have arranged marraige. For the longest time my mom tried to force me to marry so many men that I was proposed to. She would discuss my marriage proposals with my aunt & would show them the mens pictures. Before I could say anything my aunt & mom would force me to marry them. Many of the men that was propose to me was imature, had bad habits & irresponsible in many ways. But mom said after they get married those men would change & I am being picky. Now I am engaged to a wonderful man I found on my own. My problem is she is interfearing with my wedding plans & discussing my wedding plans with relatives. I went out of town with my mother & my fiance to buy my cultural bridal dress. She discussed about it with my aunt & now my aunt doesn't think I should wear that dress. So now my mom wants to buy another dress. She gets upset when & treats me like a kid when I express to her how I feel. I am at a loss.
2006-11-29 07:29:16 · 8 answers · asked by cluelesschickus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to lay down the law with her and explain that this is your wedding and you want her to be a part of it, but she isn't allowed to control you. You and _____ will get married the way you please and you respect her opinion but you don't agree that she has the final say. If this kind of conversation will get you essentailly thrown out of the family, there are other ways to approach her. Passive-aggressivley is always ogo.d Just don't change the dress, don't tell her that you're not changing it and get dressed in what you want to on your big day. You must be forgetting that it's your day, not her, not anyone else but your and your fiance's. If she won't listen to you when you tell her how you feel, stop listening to her when she tells you how she feels. And say, mom I'll listen to your opinions when you start listening to what I say. She'll get the picture, I promise.
2006-11-29 07:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by snowbaby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her, let her know how you feel. If you find it hard the try writing her a letter. Shes probably so excited about your wedding and only trying to help. Talk to her and after a while it should settle down. The longer you put it off the harder it will be. You managed to stick up for yourself about the arranged marrage (well done by the way) so do it now!!!
Good luck with the wedding and everything
2006-11-29 15:54:09 · answer #2 · answered by sxiecat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you lost? Tell her what you feel. I don't care what your culture is.. NOBODY.. not even your mom, has the right to tell you how to run YOUR LIFE! Thats right ..funny thing, it's your life. Take control of it, you have every right to, change this behavior so you don't do this to your children. You can start with telling her you love her but this needs to be your decision. As for your dress, I wore a black one in 1992 and everyone in his family bad mouthed me, and I still wore it, because it was MY wedding. People need to STOP trying to control others lives and run their own. Stand up and be a woman in control of her own destiny, you will gain tons of self esteem from that> More power to you!
2006-11-29 18:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this is really a cultural thing, and it's up to you to decide if you want to continue with the cultural aspect of parents arranging marriages, or if you want to break that practice. If you want to break it, tell your mom you want to do this on your own. You may have to move away to let her know you are serious.
2006-11-29 15:54:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i;m from India to and boy i broke up with my fiance bc they don;t like him i fond him on my own to ok back to your story, i think you should talk to her and tell her that you love her alot but atlease let you do your things and after your marriage i;m sure you will have your life but she's your mom try to work things out with her and she care alot about you and love you alot to so do that for her one last time before getting marry
2006-11-29 15:46:36 · answer #5 · answered by maya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your fiance...plan a romantic escape with him ...only for a couple of days.....let your mom be conscious about the fact that youre not a baby.....
2006-11-29 15:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by semplicemente_io1999 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a grown up...elope. Make it easy on everyone. Just hit up the justice of the peace, say your "I do's" and have it be over.
2006-11-29 15:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by Loli M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your 30 years old tell her to step off you are an adult tell her to back off and if she does not then tell her she is not welcomed at your wedding
2006-11-29 15:34:57 · answer #8 · answered by thomas h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋