Who should i be with?

Question

The one that i love right now and vulnerable to, we clash a lot on our differences, so we get into big fights from time to time. He loves me a lot as well so that is why we can't let go of each other. It is a strenuous relationship. We both have to work hard and make a lot of compromises. It's a roller coaster ride. When we are good, we can see us getting married and be very happy together. When we get into fights, we don't see a future.

The other one has been like a soulmate to me. We are like best friends and we understand each other real well. There is some attraction, but I always see him as a friend/companion that I confide with but will never be with since he was an ex of another close friend of mine, so I will try hard to respect that. Recently, he confessed that i am the one for him and he has tried very hard to stay away from me, but couldn't, and that he will wait for me. On many levels, we are very alike, think in the same wavelength, and have great respect for each other

Answer 1

First and foremost- make sure you marry your best friend!!! If the one you are with right now is or can be your best friend, then sure- go for it, but you will have fights still when you are married. You don't want to marry someone that you don't see having a future with when you have a fight. No matter who you wind up with though, you will always wind up fighting with them, because that is human nature (confrontation). It definately sounds like you should end the relationship you are in now, and the other may be off limits because they are the ex of a friend. Unless your friend says its ok to go forward with that person, then don't do it. There are lots of other people out there and I am sure there will be someone else that you can get along with and fight with and still know you can have a future and be their best friend.

-EA

Answer 2

Before you answer this question for yourself, you should probably give it a little time. If your soulmate "friend" just confessed his love for you, you are on an emotional "high" right now that skews your perception. Since you are good friends and relate well to him, you feel a sense of love for him and you need to determine its sustainability. Stability is attractive--his making such a confession may leave you with a feeling that you want to reciprocate.

Did you call him your "soulmate" before he confessed his love for you? What is the status of your relationship with Mr. Fire and Ice currently--what state of mind are you in while you are absorbing Mr. Soulmate's confession? Is the grass greener on the other side of the fence? Did you have questions about your compatability with Mr. F/I before this situation presented itself?

Being an ex of another friend of yours does not remove him from your list of available options.

It is impossible fro anyone else to take your situation in the true context of YOUR LIFE--you are living it and know how your heart feels on a day to day basis. Just sort out the emotion of it all and allow the truth to come to you. Passion is a beautiful thing. So is warm, comfortable, trusting love. Act, don't react.

Don't kid yourself--EVERY relationship that lasts takes HARD WORK for both parties! The qualities that sustain lasting relationships are commitment, compromise, and true deep friendship. You will have to work very hard in a relationship with Mr. Soulmate, too, if it happens!

Good luck!

Answer 3

The way I see it is simple. You should not "be" with either one of them. The "one you love right now" is doing nothing but holding you back, and the "soulmate" is holding you up.

While most say to go with the "soulmate", you have to read the second part of that statement " confide with but will never be with since he was an ex of another close friend of mine".

Is trying to get with this person worth losing a close friend? If it is, go for it. If not, just remember there are way too many fish in the sea, and life is not over until it is over.

Time to get busy living for yourself. May sound selfish, but I have been in the place you are at now, and I chose to go with the "soulmate". Guess what? When it boiled down to the basics, we should have remained friends. It ruined two relationships I had, and I regret making that choice.

Answer 4

I would go with the friend/soulmate. I just got married three months ago I am 20 years old and I would not trade him for anything . You have to think of your future if you decide to have kids, would you want them to see you always argueing or going and talking it out and understanding each other and being able to say I was wrong . The openess is the key to what you are looking for. As far as him and his ex, sometimes you need to put aside your fears of others and grab what god is putting in front of you , if you risk it and care about her you will never be able to step out and make your own decision and if it is right it wont matter what people have to say . Just so you know I was in your shoes a year ago . Do what you think is best , think about your future.

Answer 5

If you can't decide who to be with than neither one is right for you.

The first relationship is just not good. Every couple gets into fights but if it is such a roller coaster and takes so much out of you emotionally than it is not worth it. Relationships do take work but at the same time it shouldn't be such a struggle just to mesh.

Personally I would break up with your boyfriend and take some time for you before you jump into another relationship. The reason you could be resonating with your friend is because he represents things that you feel you are missing in your current relationship not that it means he's the best one for you. So take some time out for you and if you still feel the same way about your friend than you can try a relationship but personally if you can't decide between either one neither one is for you.

Answer 6

I was in a very similar situation. I decided that neither relationship was right for me and instead I found a man that really is my soulmate. He's my best friend AND my partner. I am attracted to him and can't imagine my life without him. It sounds like its too hard for you to be with the 1st man and the 2nd man will never be more than a friend to you.

Honey, just wait, you deserve a man that can be BOTH of these thing to you.

Good luck!

Answer 7

A classic conundrum...

Passionate love for someone doesn't mean a smooth ride. The one we're crazy about isn't always a great companion in life. THey are merely the ones who make us FEEL something.

So what do you want: an easy life, with a companion that everything just 'works' with. Or passionate fighting and feeling ALIVE but frustrated and not getting what you want exactly.

This is why two lovers are often necessary: one we're married to (the good companion), and one we're crazy about (our 'lover', the one we can't stand after a couple days, but can't stay away from either).

If you believe in monogomy, then you have to choose one or the other. If you are more open, then you can have both.

Answer 8

while in a relationship you shouldn't have to compromise either you accept each other as you are or not at all.your relationship sounds like it takes allot of work(that's not supposed to happen either)it may take work but not as much as you make it seem.i don't think this is the man for you.

this man sound nice except that miner detail about him being an ex of your friend,(and maybe your friend wont mind)but you said you only see him as a friend maybe that's because your already in love wit the first man
but i think you and this man will make a nice couple.

Answer 9

Go with the one you see the most long-term potential. Passion fades and then you really need the solid basis of friendship which you have with the one you describe as a soulmate. If you are using the term soulmate you probably already know what you should do.

Answer 10

I would go with the friend. Fighting is normal but a strenuous relationship doesn't usually lead to happiness in the future.