how do i get thru this?? for the rest of my family?

Question

this is the first holiday season without my brother and im not very thankful or cheery. you see i found my brother(also my VERY best friend) january he had shot himself now i am raising his son and i also have grown kids of my own(im 36) and a husband i know i need to snap out of this for THEM but i have NEVER been without my bro. it was just me and him left. can anyone help maybe youve been thru simalar loss

Answer 1

As bad as this sounds you just have to suck it up and pray that it will get better with time. The first holidays are the worst! sorry for your family's loss!

Answer 2

I lost a little sister - she was 15 and accidently OD'd on oxycontin. That was 6 years ago - she would've been 21 this year. My father has now become agoraphobic and won't leave the house. There have been times I wanted to grab my dad and "skip Christmas", like the movie Christmas with the Kranks. Just runaway and take a cruise and forget about it all.
My best advice is take it one day at a time, avoid the places that have the most memories that you used to go to together, surround yourself with friends and any family you can.

Snag up a new hobby; mine was drinking (j/k) and salsa dancing and keep yourself occupied. Do things to focus on yourself; day spa, massage, quiet walk, read a book, rebuild a transmission - whatever floats your boat - just know that you need time to process this information and feeling on your own and without distraction, otherwise next Christmas will be worse.

Sorry hun, but only time can heal this wound. Lean into the positive of the people you do still have in your life and be thankful -
Good luck

Answer 3

First I so sorry for ur lost and I am not going to say that I know how u r feeling because I don't know. All I can tell u is that I know it feels to have ur world shatter into a billion pieces. I, myself have gone thru something as a child and as an adult that u won't believe. I know that if I can make it and life thru it I know u can. Life does go one. Think about ur brother he is in a better place and he would want for u to move on. Ur family needs u and ur brothers kid. In some small way he is still living on thru him. U have a responsibility to make sure his son doesn't go down the wrong path now that his dad is not around. He might grow up thinking that his dad didn't love him enough or that no one loved him. Be a strong person not just for urself but for ur family and his aswell.

Answer 4

my brother died when he was 11 & I was 5. though we were young I still remember & it's hard 2 deal with. Im 27 now & I can still see me on the bed with momma when daddy woke her up & said "I'm sorry momma, hes gone" and I still hear mommas cries and my cries 2. u dont ever get over losing someone, and holidays r very hard. mommas never liked christmas since he died(for 22 years shes been depressed christmas time). u learn to go on. times heals a heart, but sometimes u got 2 go through a journey 2 b ok. life seems unfair at times, but know this: everything that happens, happens 4 a reason. God, has a plan.

Answer 5

I am very sorry about your brother. I have lost my entire family also, there's only me left now. I can truly feel your pain. I know it hurts everyday, but you have to be strong and carry on with your life. I always think about my husband and kids and try to concentrate more on enjoying and being happy with them rather than thinking of my losses. Your brother will always hold a special place in your heart, but you have to live for the ones you have left here with you. As time goes on your pain will ease, but not completely go away. I try to do something special each year in memory of my loved ones. I have pretty white doves that I put on my Christmas tree up near the top, just below the star. That seems to give me a peaceful feeling, and just a nice reminder of them. Also I decorate their graves with Christmas stuff, or whatever the holiday may be.
I am very sure that your brother would want you to be strong and go on with your life instead of dwelling and hurting because of him everyday. Remember the good times, not just the loss.

Best of luck to you. I hope you and yours have a wonderful hoilday season. I will include you in my prayers.

Answer 6

I didn't lose a sibling, but when my Mom passed I was left to care for my younger brother (7) and sister (15), I am also a wife and a mother to two boys (7 months) and (6). My Mom was my best friend and I didn't think that I would be able to make it through without her. I had to however, think of what she would have wanted me to do. I would have preferred to stay in the bed with the covers over my head, but that wouldn't have helped. Think about his son and what he must be going through without his Dad here, but thank God that he has you to look after him and you to carry on his fathers memory. Sometimes putting others feelings and well-being before yours can help you move on. After all you have a family that needs you and depends on you, you can't let them down. Also, seek professional counseling for the grieving process, it worked for me. Hope this helps some.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your lose. The holidays are the worst. I lost my daughter to cancer, a little over a year ago. I know it's not the same, but I have felt the pain. Have you ever tried writing your feelings down in a notebook? Every time I felt low or sad, I would write it down. Even when I was mad . It helped seeing it in writing. I even have written letters to her and let my feelings out that way. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

Answer 8

Do you belong to a Church? If so go to your Minister. If not
is there clinic that can be visited? Go there and talk to a Doctor.

What you are going through, and what his kids are going through
should be addressed by a professional.

You are worth it!