How do I tell my friend that I am not going to have her as a bridesmaid in my wedding. Yes I've known her a long time and she just had me in hers and I do care about her but I've picked 4 girls that are close to me that I see on a daily basis that I want in my wedding. She is very outspoken and she WILL be furious when I tell her. So how should I tell her? Arg..I'm torn on what to do...???
2006-11-29 06:17:44 · 8 answers · asked by coolchic 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She is a handful. She has a super strong personality and is kind of loud, bossy, self centered etc. She does have a good heart but I dont feel as close to her anymore so I don't really want her to be in my wedding. I want people I'm comfortable around and that I can be myself with.
2006-11-29 06:35:11 · update #1
First - you are making the right decision - your bridesmaids will be your support system so they need tobe people you are close to and comfortable with.
Now - actually telling her is the tricky part. I like the first suggestion made - telling her by not telling her, lol. First, fidn something else she can do/be in charge of - then tell her you would be honored if she would....... This way, while you are telling ehr she isn't a bridesmaid, you are doing it without making her feel excluded. As the first girl said - just leave bridesmaid totally out of the conversation.
P.S. HUGE props to you for thinking about her feelings. Most brides are so caught up in the "all about me" attitude that they just make decisions and think about how they may be effecting others once it is to late. It is great that you have taken the time to care about how she will feel:) Just don't let her happiness become the reason your wedding day is compromised either. Sometimes, the right thing is a very fine line between two wrong things, lol.
2006-11-29 08:39:30 · answer #1 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Laura and Weddrev are right. Find something else for her to do. I am assuming that you are paying for the bridesmaids' dresses(?) as is traditional. You can always use for the excuse that you just can't have any more than four. It's unfortunate that you were in her wedding already, but that does not obligate you to include her in yours. What about women who are in their best friend's wedding, but then when they have their OWN weddings, they have so many sisters they CAN'T include their best friends as bridesmaids?? I'm sure this happens all the time. If she gets upset I'm afraid you will have to say that you are picking the 4 girls that you see EVERY DAY and that if you could have included her you would have. Also you can tell her that you realize you were in her wedding, but she is probably not in the same situation as you(?). If possible, you might also point out that perhaps YOU have a much LARGER circle of friends(?)
2006-11-29 15:12:21 · answer #2 · answered by ami 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi there this will not be easy but just be straight and if she wants to kick of and cause a scene then let her get on with it and tell her that you do not need this hassle from a supposed friend and that you thought that she would be like a real friend these type of people need to be sorted out this way she will throw the one that you where in her wedding party but for youre sake be thick skinned and remember that this is youre wedding day and if she doesnt like it then do not attend i know that sounds really hard but thats the only way i can think of dealing with this .....good luck on youre wedding day take care xx
2006-11-29 16:36:38 · answer #3 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You kind of just need to ask her if she will perform another task, ex: guestbook. Say "I wanted to know if you would ... at my wedding.". Whatever you do don't tell her "I don't want you as a bridesmaid, but..."
Just leave the word "bridesmaid" out of the equation. If she asks and/or gets mad be honest. If you lie it will bite you in the butt.
2006-11-29 14:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by Laura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another important job for her to do. Maybe be the one who coordinates the times spacing for the bridal party entrance. Maybe connected to the reception somehow.
I'm just curious, if you are THAT good of friends, why did you leave her out?
2006-11-29 14:26:05 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to tell her you are NOT having her, unless she asks. Maybe what you can do is have her sit at the guest register at the reception, or hand out programmes at the church, or something.
2006-11-30 04:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. I can't tell you how to handle this. Your really gonna hurt her feelings. Sorry cant help
2006-11-29 14:54:26 · answer #7 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to ask or not ask anybody that you wish. Let her be furious. That's her problem!
2006-11-29 14:25:47 · answer #8 · answered by Demon Doll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋