Is my kindergartner depressed?

Question

Not so long ago, I had an "always smiling" "happy go lucky" little boy. Now all I see is a stressed out, child with a bad attitude and an even worse temper. He is constantly complaining of a stomache ache and migraines, to the point where weve rushed him to the ER numerous times. I know he is truly in pain because the pain wakes him at night, but nothing has been found. He does very well as far as his grades in school, but he doesnt get along well with a few children in his class. He doesnt seem to care for his teacher either, but he still seems to enjoy school. At home he cries over little things, and shows serious anger toward his younger brothers. No matter how my husband and I try to handle it, it isnt changing. We have our special day each week, when we do something that he wants to do, with no siblings around. We have him in soccer to build self esteem, but to no avail. In Feb. we start therapy. What can we do til then to help him become a happy child? Why is he so angry?

To jyone scotani: How dare you insult my family this way! It is one thing to insult my parenting skills , but you should be ashamed of yourself for saying those hurtful things about my child! I pray to God that nothing has happened to him in the aspect of abuse, and I also pray that nothing is neurologically wrong, but I know that something isnt right. How can stomach pain and headaches that wake him from a dead sleep, and you say because he is a brat! You are a brat and I feel sorry for any child that comes in contact with you! We love our child, and that is why we posted this question, for sound advice and suggestions until we get into therapy. We did not need your nasty comments! Everyone else here, I truly appreciate your thoughtful input.

Answer 1

Are there any recent changes in his life (new baby, move, family stress)? If so, give him lots of extra love and support. It could be that he is being bullied in school, or a combination of life changes and school difficulties. It is very common for children who are being bullied to act out in these ways. Here is a great article on how to deal with children being bullied. http://www.earlychildhoodnews.com/earlychildhood/article_view.aspx?ArticleID=221

It’s great that you take time once a week to do something special with him. Try and take a little time each day to show your love. Do an art project, read a story, have him help you with dinner or chores. He will feel proud to help you and it will help him to feel like a “Big kid.”

Consider arranging some play dates with his peers. Maybe start off inviting children that he gets along well with and then children that he doesn’t get along well with. Having some one on one time with these peers may help his relationship with them at school because outside influences aren’t around.

If he becomes aggressive or angry with his brothers, rush to his brother and empathize. “Ouch! That must have hurt! Let’s get some ice to put on your sore.” Shut your son out. You can also be overly dramatic about this. When he goes near his brothers, pick the “victim” up and say to your son “I can’t have you around him. I’m worried you might hurt him.” He will not like not getting attention, though it is negative, for this.


He is aggressive with his brothers because it feels powerful. Help him to feel powerful by saying things like “You did that by yourself! You worked on that for a long time! You can run super fast! You did that so gently!” Using phrases such as these are much better than using extrinsic motivators (“Good job!”, stickers, treats). They are great confidence builders, great ways to show attention, and great ways to help him to feel powerful.

I would also empathize with him after an aggressive or when he is upset incident. "You must have felt very (angry, mad, hurt, frustrated) when you hurt "John." What can you do next time instead?" or “Wow! I can tell that you are feeling so (angry, mad, hurt, frustrated).” Do some problem solving with him to give him some ideas. He will learn to express his feelings rather than become aggressive or becoming upset over little things.


When he is misbehaving, use natural and logical consequence when you can. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, he puts it in the trash. If he damages something in the home, he does things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the “punishment” you use fit the crime committed.

You can also try this when he misbehaves tell him “I don’t like when you (explain what and why in very few words).” Put him in a quiet area away from you (his room, the couch). Tell him “When you are ready to (listen, be gentle, calm down…) then you can come back. This is not a time out because you are not giving him a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spot a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he is calm. Keep it up!

I hope this helps! Good luck to you and your son!

Answer 2

It sounds like something is definitely going on, but trying to find out what from a child is hard to do. You are doing the right thing by starting therapy I think, maybe a professional will be able to help get to the bottom of this. In the meantime I would talk to him. Make sure he is in a setting where he feels totally safe and comfortable and in a cooperative mood and start a conversation with him. Ask him if he is sad, or mad, or if something or someone is bothering him. Make sure that you let him know that he can tell you anything, no matter what. Don't try to make him talk to you because that will just agitate him more. But, maybe he will feel like talking to you and you will get some idea of what's up. Good luck and I hope he gets back to his old self soon.

Answer 3

You gullible fool. Obama is not promoting sex ed for kindergartners. He is promoting education for teaching children about molesters, how to avoid them, and what to do if they do get molested. This is not just a "Don't take candy from strangers" education. Children need to be taught that creeps can be found next door or IN THE FAMILY. Many schools DO NOT already teach those details. Obama wants children educated and SAFE. Many kids get molested by a "trusted friend" or even a parent, but they say and do nothing about it because they figure it must be okay since it wasn't done by a stranger. You have been blatantly lied to and misled. Please do some research, dear. Edit: Abstinence IS being taught as a PART of sex ed. However, in the real world, teachers understand that many teens are not going to abstain, so they give education on how to protect themselves should they choose to have sex.

Answer 4

I agree with the other posters. Drastic behavior changes in a child often are warning signs of abuse. Listen to your child, try to not judge or be angry. Realize that he may not be able to tell you exactly what happened but if ANYTHING seems off about what he says, investigate and take it seriously. Has your child been around anyone new lately or spent time over night at someone's house? Been babysat by someone you don't know well? Or even someone you do? Trust your gut on this and try to get him into a counselor before February. Otherwise things will likely just keep sliding until then.

Answer 5

My Daughter was in the same boat as your son. and Guess what the problem was? his Teacher. my daughter would come home and look so sad. she would always complain about being sick right before she went to school. Finally, after talking to some doctors, i finally thought that there was no other option but to confront her teacher about the problem. when i did this, i made sure my daughter wasnt around. when i peeped though the door of the classroom, i heard her teacher yelling at the students. my daughters was so used to my method of disipline which was a lecture and a time out, that her teacher made her see a completely unnessecary way of disipline. Try talking to the teacher and more importantly, talk with your son. At that age, they go through so much with other classmates and also instructors. I hope this helps

Answer 6

My son has had some issues since he started school as well. His stomach hurts and his head hurts. I have had meetings with the school. It was school that was making him upset. Now he has some friends at school and is doing much better. He still wakes up in the middle of the night complaining something hurts. As soon as I let him come in my bed and cuddle him he settles down. You are doing all the right things. Good luck. Once you figure out what the issue is it will be easier to deal with.

Answer 7

He definitely sounds stressed. If there has been a sudden and drastic change in his behavior and personality, and it seems like he has physiological symptoms that often go with stress and anxiety in kids, it may indicate a trauma that he has not been able to talk about with you. In any case therapy seems like a good idea, but why wait until February? In the meantime, try to be sure he is comfortable doing the activities he is involved with outside of school and doesn't feel additional stress from them.

Answer 8

The adjustment to Kindergarten might be really hard on him. Especially if you are a stay at home mom and he isn't used to being disciplined by other adults. Do you have any idea what kind of behavior he is showing at school? If he is behaving at school, his reserves might be depleted when he gets home and he takes it all out on the people he can trust. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? I agree with others that if you really don't know what is going on, you shouldn't wait to have him talk to a counselor.

Answer 9

Have you taken him to a doctor or a neurologist? It is highly unlikely, but sometimes there are medical reasons for behavior changes. If you hadn't mentioned the migraines I think I would have just said he was frightened or anxious about something at school, but since he mentions pain waking him you should consult a neurologist just to rule that out. Failing that I think therapy is the way.

Have you asked him to talk about his day and asked open ended questions about the children and the teacher? Ask if there is anything he doesn't like about the day or if there are children who act mean?

Answer 10

Praise him for every little good behaviour. Tell him how much you love him, and how happy you are that he didn't have tummy ache today. Find out what he loves, and do more of that. And also, get help from the teachers. Bring it up during a conference. They might see something that you don't