Should i take the chance??

Question

Ive started seein my m8s brother, only thing is he's just got out of prison for fighting. he was i sentenced for three years but because of good behaviour only did a year and a half. He's totally different now but gets violent when drunk ( not violent to me! ) he said he;'d give up drinking for me. Im worried if he has had too much to drink he might get violent towards me but he says hes changed n would never hit a girl! have i made the wrong decision dating him? ( he hasnt drunk since i got together with him which is almost three weeks) HELP!!!

Answer 1

As much as I hate to say it, the odds are against him. I have heard many stories of guys "changing" to only end up bottling up their feelings and then exploding at the wrong time. I can tell you my situation if you would like an example.

First of all, before we got together my ex hadn't been in jail (that I know of) for violence, but he had been into his share of bad situations. When we got together he was supposedly a changed man, working toward quiting the drinking and finding better ways to express his frustrations, ready to settle down and love a family. ... Pretty much a dream come true.

Things were good for the first few months. He actually stopped drinking for over a month! And after that he just rarely had a drink. When he did it was all good. But over time, getting drunk started to become more and more of who he was. He slowly became verbally and emotionally abusive. Then one night, when he seemed to be in a good mood, things suddenly changed. He got mad. He decided that our child was not his, and then that she was his and I wasn't fit to help raise her. That night he got violent. He broke my heart, my trust, my bones, and caused some other physical and emotional damage. But I got my daughter back from him unharmed - that was the important part.

He ended up being locked up for over a year. He rarely saw me or his daughter. I thought that if anything could change him, that would be it. He said the right things and knew how to act to make people think that he really was turning over a new leaf.

After he got out of the halfway house, time went by and he seems to have gone back to his old ways. It is hard having a child with this man because he wants to be a part of her life, but I am scared to let them have any alone time. He has gotten better at hiding his drinking. He has to hide it if he doesn't want to end up back in jail for a few more years. But he still does it.

I have talked to a few people who know him well. It seems that he has gone back to his old ways, he is just better at hiding it. He can look me square in the eye and tell me that he doesn't drink or run around any more. But I know better. I have smelled the alcohol on his breath. I have heard other people talk about stuff that he does.


I know. This guy that you are going out with isn't my ex. And occasionally people do change. But drinking and violence are hard to give up. I had to learn that the hard way, after a child got involved. I hope that you do not have to do the same.

I have a friend who is a parole officer. She has told me that it is very common for people who "quit drinking" to have relapses up to 3 years later. If they make it past that point, it is still fairly likely until 5 years. If they can stay sober for 5 years, that is when they have a good chance of staying sober. 3 weeks of staying sober is an accomplishment. But it in no way means that he is cured.

My advice to you? If things are going well and you really love and wish to be with this man, then follow your heart. But don't put up with it if you see any signs that he may be going back to old ways.

Answer 2

Are you 100% sure that he has been of the drink for 3 weeks because im pretty he hasn't, also im pretty sure that he has been violent towards you when he chucked the beer can at you and myself, jade you ask my opinion and i tell you, you dont like it so you ask the whole world, they all also agree that he is a danger to you, once violent always violent. Look at rob, now if my mom told you rob had changed if he did a year and a half in prison, would you believe it no didnt think you would. Jade do what you want, but you will get hurt, there is no way peter will be able go cold turkey without any help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love ya -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Answer 3

First of all listen to your inner voice, what is the first thing that came into your mind when you asked yourself the same question? secondly ask yourself why you are interested in this guy is it because he is a so called "bad boy" and it somehow excites you to be involved with a guy that has done time, does it seem a little mysterious? lots of females are turned on by this so don't think your strange, who wants a nice guy? women want a manly man someone who will protect her and stick up for her, right? right!!!
Just because someone has been to prison and done time does not however make them a bad person, this is where society has things twisted, apparently the person must have learned something while sitting in a 2 man cell with nothing to really do but think about why he's there in the first place. People change, so don't pass judgment souly on the fact that he has been to prison and done time, alot of good people have made mistakes in thier lives.
Most importantly remember you can not change another person. The only person you can change in this life is yourself, if he wants to change he will do it on his own, no matter how hard you try you cannot change him, & by understanding this one fact it will save you alot of frustration and heartache in the future. So give the guy a chance, especially if you really like him for the right reasons, if he shows signs of violence towards you in any situation, leave, and chock it up as experience. Good Luck to you and your new friend.

Answer 4

OK Jade ... think about what you just said. He was in prison for fighting, gets violent when he gets drunk, you are worried he will get violent toward you. What makes you think he will not turn violent toward you? Alcohol makes people do things they would not normally do. It will not be long, if you stay with him, before he starts taking out his anger and violence on you. You will end up defending his every move with your family and friends. You will believe him everytime he hits you while drunk and then swears he will never do it again when he sobers up. But before long he is drunk again and hitting you. Is that what you want in life? Think long and hard before you "Take the chance".

Answer 5

Although he does have a drinking problem and he does have a history of violence, you cant really judge him on something he hasnt done before...if he hasnt hit a woman before you need to believe him when he says that he'd never hit you. However if he ever does hit you, get a Glock .40 and blow him away, dont ever let a man hit you.

Answer 6

I used to grant endless possibilities and splendor why i replace into consistently getting stepped on and used. I not often supply something extra advantageous than a 2d hazard except you're an extremely close and depended on confidant.

Answer 7

i've been in the almost same situation as you're in. i would stick with him. but, if he does mess up don't stay. you'll know soon enough if he really has changed. my guy got out of jail about a month ago. we've been dating ever since then. he's in a rehab thing for the drinking and he's doing really really good. i hope everything works out with you and this guy. good luck.

Answer 8

if u follow the CHARMED the time Phoebe was going out with Cole Pru was always against even when he said he had changed, Pru said A DEMON WILL ALWAYS BE A DEMON. keep that in mind. maybe he might change but i doubt!!! u better run away b4 things get out of hand

Answer 9

Woah.... I hope you realize that he will NEVER EVER be able to support you or a family. He wont ever have a decent job, because decent employers dont hire felons. I say ditch him and find someone who doesnt need to change to be with you, because you already like everything about them!

Answer 10

SO LONG AS HE STAYS SOBER THEN THINGS SHOULD BE FINE. BUT IF HE STARTS DRINKING AGAIN I WOULD PUT AN END TO THE RELATIONSHIP. BUT IT SEEMS HE HAS ALREADY CHOSEN YOU OVER ALCOHOL SO YOU ARE GOOD. GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE.