First off, let me say I was homeschooled until graduation and left for college an extremely naive, kinda dorky kid who tucked in t-shirts with a belt.
Long story short, it's now 3 years later and I'm almost nothing like I used to be.
Now here's the problem, there are things my mother does, things I didn't notice when I was younger because I accepted them as common behavior but now they raise some concern.
1) I broke the news to my mom that I'm planning to move into an apartment with some of my friends. Her reaction, she stomped out of the room, and screamed through the house "you've broken my heart!" for the rest of the day. I finally gave in when she started crying. (I'm thinking i should have stayed firm)
2) The pet nicknames, which I can't stand. She calls me things like "butt munches"..."lovey"...."sugarboy"...and has been known to do it in front of my friends.
3) She was yelling at me about something and I was sharp with her. She then locked herself in her room and cried.
2006-11-29 05:30:43 · 11 answers · asked by some random dude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And lastly, she calls me WAY too much, I've caller ID and don't answer anymore.
I dont' want to be a jerk, but I seriously don't think this is normal.
2006-11-29 05:32:05 · update #1
To answer some questions:
I am not an only child, I have an older brother who moved out when he was 18, got married and had 3 kids by 23 (just 2 years older than I am). His wife and my mom do NOT get along.
And yes, my parents are still together.
2006-11-29 08:33:59 · update #2
Sad but fact is that you'll always be your moms child. You need to talk with her and let her know that you have cut the apron strings and are finding some of these actions very embarressing at your age. You write like a very mature youth so when speaking with her do so in a mature and rationale manner. Don't buckle regardless of what type of ploy she may use to get you to do things the way she wants them done. Fact is that you are off on your own now and need to see and experience the world with all it's realities. Make sure that you let your mom know how grateful you are for all she has done for you and that you love her unconditionally however that you are a young man now and as such need to go into the world and see it with open eyes. If your mom is paying your rent then she may have some say into where you live but if you are paying your own way then you have every right to move in with some buddies. Mom will love you unconditionally also and may slip up with these cute names now and again but hopefully she will respect you for your blunt honesty and the fact that you have grown a spine and as such are able to stand up for your own rights. Good luck and keep up the good grades if you move in with your buds, not too much partying. Ha!
2006-11-29 05:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UMM wow... this is definatly not normal behavior... first of all you need to have a talk with your mom where you tell her that there are some things that you need to tell her and that you need her to listen until you are finished talking and then she can comment back. She needs to understand that you are growing up and accept it. Why is it that moving into and apartment with friends would break her heart? Most parents would see that a sign of maturity and responsibility... she should be proud that you are becoming an adult and that you are socially competant. Next you need to tell her that the nickmane while you know that they are coming from a place of love are a little much especially in front of non family members... tell her that you will always be her child no matter what but that you are growing up and you are now her adult child. Make sure that she understands that none of this means that you don't love or appreciate her it just means that you need her to stop treating you like a little kid and face tha fact that you are an adult. If none of this seems to get through to her find her a hobby to occupy her time. Be firm with her so that she understands that you are serious but not harsh so she knows that you still love her. As children we will always need our parents it is just that thouse needs change as we grow shee need to let you become the person that you are meant to be and i am sure that you will a wonderful person that she will be proud of! good luck!
2006-11-29 05:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by J. P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's natural for a mother to be upset at their child 'flying the nest', however, your mother's reaction does seem pretty extreme.
To good any kind of advice, I need to know a few things. Are you an only child? If not, are you the only male? Do your mother and father live together?
If your mother is facing the prospect of being on her own and if it has just been you and your mother for a number of years, then it may be that she is having difficulty in letting go. She may still see you as her little boy, rather than as a man. My mother had a good cry about me and my brother when she felt she could no longer cuddle us, because we're not her little babies anymore.
Your mother loves you and she doesn't want to lose you. You need to sit her down and calmly talk to her about the things that are worrying you. She needs to understand that you are a man and that you need your own space and that you have your own life. At the time, re-assure her that you will always be there for her and that you love her. If your mother and father live together or you have other siblings, maybe talk to all of them. That way your mother won't feel singled out.
2006-11-29 06:43:13 · answer #3 · answered by darth_timon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it will be to do so, you will have to put a stop to this. It almost seems that she is obsessed with your children and believe it or not this is very unhealthy for your children to be learning from their relationship with her. Depending on the type of person she is and how you feel she will react to your confronting her, you will have to weigh out your options. Maybe sit her down and tell her in a very nice way that it "really" bothers you that she is doing these things and be brutally honest with her during this process so she will understand how bad this is bothering you. At the same time, tell her that you appreciate the fact that she admires your children so much but that you feel there is a line that should not be crossed. Let her know your boundaries. If she doesn't know then she will try you to see how far you will allow her to go. Some MIL try to continue to run their son's homes after they have moved on with their lives. My son and his wife just had a baby and I am trying to be very aware of my DIL feelings. I hope this works out for you. Good Luck.
2016-05-23 02:23:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! this is not normal. Your mother should allow you to have a life of your own, your not a child anymore. Sure, every mother worries about their child about things like moving out, tough problem, but this is REALLY pushing it. Moving out, that's you decision, not hers, if you want sit her down and talk to her, listen to what she has to say, but don't give in! Tell her what you want, and try to agree on something.
The nicknames are kinda scary, tell her you don't like her calling you that anymore, especially in front of your friends!
Your an adult, you are allowed to have your say in anything you two are discussing, if she can't take it, that's her problem not yours.
Remember, she can't hold your hand forever, she has to let go. Talk to her, and let her know, if you have to see a councillor and all of you can talk and should help you make some decisions.
Stand Strong!
2006-11-29 05:49:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a Mom, no, it doesn't sound normal. It sounds like she is being immature when it comes to your normal desire to be independent and grow as a person and has too much of her identity tied up in being your Mom instead of being her own person, instead of being her own person.
It is hard transition for many Mom's being the center or their children's universe and having another being totally dependent on them to having them move on to their own life, but it is part of a process. I remember how much it hurt for my then 4 year old son to tell me at the door when he was preparing for a pre-school pagent "Mom, you can go now" because he wanted to do it on his own; however, as much as it hurt, I was also proud of him for taking his first steps to independence. The entire goal of being a parent should be to ezeourage your children to be self-actualized, self-sufficient individuals.
If your father is stil in the picture and has has a decent relationships with your mother, then it might be best that he encourage her to get into counseling to deal with HER issues.
2006-11-29 05:42:10 · answer #6 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have what they call a "helicopter parent." Most children born in the 1980's and beyond have those.
2006-11-29 06:08:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, items 1 and 3 are not cool at all ! sounds like you are on the right track by not taking all of her calls. best of luck and god bless "buttmunches" *grins*
2006-11-29 05:37:21 · answer #8 · answered by cheese food product 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is needy and dependent. Mine is too. Be firm and live your own life, you don't have to live to fulfil her selfish desires.
2006-11-29 05:34:58 · answer #9 · answered by Warm Breeze 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ur mother loves u stay with her
why u want to move away from her
she needs u because u r her son
just stay with her
2006-11-29 05:37:02 · answer #10 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋