family problems and what to do about them.........I moved in with my daughter to help with her 2 children?

Question

for financial reasons.I moved here from a different state to help them. she meet some friends[oh,by the way she is also married]and she decided to go out more and more .her husband didnt appove so their marriage slowly but surley started to sour.I was going to move out but neither of them wanted that to happen because they couldnt afford daycare,she cant cook and so i cooked and took on task as teacher to the 4th grader.I always got him from school and do the homework with him.Ok let me get with the story .Because of her going out,he started online gambling and so its only got worse.As some here but not argee with me but I feel like I am the only stable one in this house,it seemed like I was always taking care of them even they were home because they would leave them to themselves and it broke my heart.I moved out and things are now worse.divorce is in the works.Shoud I leave and go home or wait and help her.I need a life.I come here daily to babysit daily .

Answer 1

Wow. What a tough situation.

Honestly, you being there or not being there had nothing to do with the divorce. If it was going to happen then it was going to happen. What you did do was help them to ditch their responsibilities. I know you had the best intentions in mind but I think you enabled their immaturity by taking over their duties to kids and home.
Moving out was the best thing you could've done - please don't remake your mistake. Its good that your in the state and are a stable entitiy but your daughter's an adult and needs to start acting like it. Cut back on your babysitting favours by offering 1 day during the week and 1 night on the weekend - this still sees you as being a support while also having your own life and forces daughter to take care of her own business.

Answer 2

You need to talk to both of them together, all three of you and let them know that it's not fair for you to babysit the whole family, they are grown ups if your daughter wanted to keep acting like an adolescent her whole life, she should have never gotten married or had any children, as for the husband, he is a father and should know better, instead of gambling he should spend that time with the kids and the money (that I'm sure he loses) spend it on the kids also. This situation is not fair for the kids either, I would hate to have a mother who rather go out than to provide my with a "good home" and a father who instead comforting his kids turns into gambling. The children needs them! After you talk to them call the kids and ask the "adults" to take a look at their faces and ask themselves if their children deserve what they are doing.

Answer 3

This is a hard one, you seem to be in a tough postition. I would not move back in. You DO need a life. You raised your child[ren] and now it's YOUR time [I can't wait for my time lol-actually I can]. You cannot save this relationship. I would try to be there for the grandchildren because they are going through a hard time right now. But don't over do it or else you may find yourself with kids all over again! Do what you can, and let mom and dad do their jobs! Maybe you should talk to them and tell them that you will not do this any more, it's not fair to you. They need to grow up. I'm sorry if I sound disrespectful, it's always hard to hear bad things about your child. But seriously, she's an adult now, and you need to step back and allow her to grow up. Those are her children. Unless they are being neglected just spend some time with the grandkids when you can. Not when they need you to, but when you want to. It's hard and I'm so very sorry you are going through this, esp at this time of year. Good luck to you and your family. I think things may work out, if they want them to. You, you are a wonderful mother.

Answer 4

First of all grandmother, you need to face the fact that your daughter is very immature, selfish, and not a good mother. You have already fulfilled your obligation as a parent, proof being your daughter is an adult, therefore it is not your responsibility to raise your grandchildren. I understand your heart goes out to your grandchildren,(that's how most grandparents are), but ask yourself the question, are you enabling your daughter and her husband to be sorry parents? Have you thought about,if push comes to shove,move your grandchildren into your home. This is really a sad situation, although not uncommon these days. The children are always the ones to suffer.

Answer 5

i say stay in ur own place do not move back in with them but stay close enough that those kids can be with u because they are going to need u, right u r the only stable force they have and if they loose that no telling what might happen.i know u love ur grand kids and they love u and u do need a life but u can extend by a whole lot by receiving blessings for taking care of them u never know they probably will be taking care of u one day! good luck!

Answer 6

It looks like your dughter and her husband are to busy wrapped up in themselves that that are stomping all over everyone and their children. I understand you love your daughter and your grandchildren.

You are a grown woman who needs to have her life. You already raised your daughter and she needs to grow up and raiser her children. I just see your daughters life going downhill and she is takeing her babies right along with her.

if I was you I wouldn't support her or her husband because they will end up dragging you down too. If you feel like you can handle the kids I would see how to get full custody of them with visitation rights get documentation and write a journal of everytime she goes out and of all the $ her husband spends on the internet and the hours just write all the things that have them being neglectful.

you should not have to rearange your life to accomidate your daughter who cant get her act together. The only thing you can do is help those children.

I watch the show intervention a lot and by going to her house you are enableing her to go out and do what she does if you let her figure it out herself she might actually grow as a woman and own up to her responsibilities she cant find a baby sitter, oops she cant go out. if you take on her responsibilitys as a mother she will never learn how to get it.

Go home life your life take a long vacation because you already raised your babies and all you can do now is help them be responsible adults and not baby them. make your rules known to her and the concequences if she breaks them. If she gets mad she will eventually get over it.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Wow, I'm sorry that you are in the situation that you are in. My personal advise is to leave and go home. Your daughter and her husband will work this out. If for any reason that neither of them can have the children you will be the first one on the list to recieve them. If he can go online and gamble then they have too much money. I would move back and strat your life back up. Be there emothionally for you daughter and the children but let them work this out themselves.

Answer 8

Sounds like you are being used as a free babysitter. What type of parent would go out and spend money if they cant provide a loving stable home for their child to begin with.

I would call DCF on them and maybe those kids can come live with you?!

Answer 9

i was in same problem if you go back this makes it esier for them and they will continue if you have to raise and want to raise tell parents the children can move in with you and not them it all falls on what you want to do with the rest of your life. you raised yours and this is one possibilities of may just make sure it also satisfies you or you will regret it again and the children will see that poor things need a stable something or someone to count on to be there gl on what you decide and dont feel guitly at what you decide as you deserve a life too do not enable them to use you gl

Answer 10

Sounds like this is a case of needing tough love. you should move out and i understand your not wanting to because you are the only stable one however she will only take you for granted if you stay. She needs to reach the bottom before she will recognize that she needs your help and will ask for it.