My boyfriend and I are both 31, have been together for five happy years, and lived together for three of them. We are from different cultural backgrounds, which is wonderful and difficult at the same time. I am frustrated with our relationship progression, we have so much fun together, and are the envy of all of our friends, yet when I bring up the topics of the future/marriage/family, he gives me the same answers; he's too young and just not ready to 'settle down'. I have only seriously broached this topic for the past year, and there has been little progress in our communication on the subject. This, for me, is a big deal. I know I we want to have a future together, but I feel like "talking" about what you want out of a marriage and family are important. He seems to feel like getting married will be the end to any fun or freedom. I would like to talk to someone (therapist), to understand eachother better, but he is not very open to it. Sometimes I (sadly) feel like moving on...
2006-11-29 05:21:00 · 6 answers · asked by NYC olive 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He obviously understands your feelings, and you understand his, now is there room for both of you to compromise. Maybe set a date for a few years from now or just get engaged and not set a date yet. I don't think it would be fair to either of you if only one of you made concessions. It wounds like you are the one doing it now. Talk to him about a compromise.
2006-11-29 05:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by Jon O 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on both situations, where you and he are from family-wise, he may be very scared of the thought of marriage. If his family has a long tradition of long marriages and frown on divorce, then even though he really does want to marry you and be with you, actually going through with it means it's truly forever! Sometimes that just freaks people out. Try talking to him about having kids in the future by just bringing it up in conversation---like when your Christmas shopping, wouldn't it be fun to take our kids to see Santa someday? And see if that leads anywhere. Maybe if you "skip" over the word marriage and leap forward to kids, or where you would like to retire someday, or your thoughts on nursing home care,he will open up a little more to the idea of your future without the scary marriage word. Stick with him a little longer and "plan" your future.
If he acts like even a future together is not what he wants, or if he doesn't give you any feedback, maybe he's not right after all.
2006-11-29 05:37:43 · answer #2 · answered by missionhtg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have come to a fork in the road and your desires are different. Both of you need to be sure of your desires in a relationship but if you are beginning to question your happiness already ....do you really think marriage is going to make it different.
Marriage shouldn't be the end of fun but a new beginning to the rest of your lives together.
It really depends on how you are both commited to each other and your relationship and the prospect of a lifetime of happiness together married or not....no one ever knows until they get there.
2006-11-29 05:28:09 · answer #3 · answered by timeless_echo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You keep bringing up a topic that he obviously is resisting.
you need to stop bring the topic up because all you are doing is making yourself look like a nag. and that's the best way to chase any of us guys away in a hurry.
he will approach the subject when and if he ever feels it's time.
your choice is to wait for him to arrive at the level of commitment you are at. or move on down the road.
2006-11-29 05:29:30 · answer #4 · answered by mark_grvr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you wanna ruin his life with marriage, he wants to fornicate with plenty of Chicks before he settles to one Chick.
2006-11-29 05:23:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marrige aint every thing if hes liking just u then no getting married
2006-11-29 05:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋