Toddler not telling parents / teachers that her diaper is dirty?

Question

My daughther turned 3 in Oct and around then we started potty training. Around then she started to tell us that her diaper is dirty. For the last month or so she has refused to tell me or her teachers that her diaper is dirty. She seems content to sit poop. I have asked her to tell me or her teachers when her diaper is dirty she say she will, but continues to let it stay dirty.
I am at my wit end...
Last night she slept in poop all night and her rash is horrible. I told her she could not watch videos tonight as a way to enforce her to tell me...Does has anyone had a similiar problem? Is enforcing her to tell me by taking something away appropriate in this case?
Help...

Answer 1

There are a couple reasons why your daughter could be doing this. It's possible that she may not be ready to be potty trained, and she might feel like she is letting you down when she lets you know she pooped her diaper. It's also possible that she likes the feel of a dirty diaper. It may not be extremely common, but I do know occasionally children like the soft feel in their diaper. One of my friends had a daughter that was developmentally on track, but was very resistant to potty training. My friend was patient, and kept her in diapers until a few months past 5. I remember being around Sarah at age 5, and she would poop her diaper in one corner of the room and when she was finished she would sit in it. I can even remember her bouncing and squirming a little! She would also ignore her mom when she tried to change her. Her mom never thought much of it, and she did eventually outgrow it. Well, even if that isn't the reason at least you know there are other accounts of it!=) As far as the punishment goes...I feel you would be better off just checking her diaper every hour or two. good luck!

Answer 2

I have been a mom for 27 years and have been a licensed child care provider in my home for 20 years. Children your daughter's age have very little understanding of the correlation between a punishment and the desired behavior when the two do not happen closely together. In this case, not allowing her to watch videos in the evening for not telling you she has a dirty diaper during the day is not a case of "the punishment fitting the crime". This is a situation where a reward will probably be much more of a motivation. Many 3 year olds love stickers and I have had great success modifying behavior using a sticker chart. Not all children like the sticker chart and you may have to find the one thing that will motivate her. A simple chart divided by the days of the week with some choices of stickers is all it takes. When she tells you or her teachers she needs a change. she gets a sticker. If she had not already begun to let her caregivers and you know when she was in need of a change, I would be inclined to think she was in need of a little more time to understand what you were requesting of her. In my experience, it is not uncommon for potty training children to need reminders to use the toilet throughout the day until they are 4 and sometimes even 5. Your daughter may have a natural schedule when she is most likely to have a bowel movement and it should be helpful for both you and her teachers to either check her diaper around that time or sit her on the potty so she can try to go. One suggestion I do have is if she is potty training, keep her out of diapers as much as possible. I have had little success with continuing the use of diapers or using pull-ups when seriously potty training. Try using big girl panties. You can also buy the triple padded cotton panties and you can also buy training pants that are cotton on the inside yet plastic on the outside. Children have very little they can control in their lives. You will find most toddler/preschool battles centering around when and what they eat, sleeping habits, and toilet training. Eating, sleeping, and pottying are all things you can't make a child do. Give your daughter lots of other choices in her life such as does she want the purple or the pink pants today, or does she want a banana or applesauce in her lunch, or does she want Pokey Little Puppy or Cat in the Hat for a bedtime story. There is nothing wrong with asking her if she has a dirty diaper and praising her if she says "yes" when you know she does. There are many children who really don't care if they sit in a poopy diaper, my youngest daughter was one of them. Even with all my experience and knowledge of every trick in the book, I could not make her potty train until 2 weeks before she turned 5. It had to be her decision and she day and night trained all in one day.

Answer 3

I don't have any advice, other than my 2 yr. old has acted similar. Awhile ago if you caught her pooping and asked her if she pooped, she would say "yes". But now that she's gotten a little older, if I ask her she will tell me "no", even when I know she did. I think maybe it's because your daughter knows you don't want her to go in her diaper, so she doesn't want to tell you she did it. Maybe it's a fear of getting in trouble for it. Or maybe she doesn't want to do the potty thing just yet. I think in order to potty train, it would be better to put cloth training pants on her sometimes during the day, or just at home, so she'll be more uncomfortable in them as opposed to having the normalness of having a diaper on. Maybe that would help her want to tell you when she has to go so she doesn't go in her pants. BTW - I don't think taking something away is necessary, as this is normal behavior for a child her age.

Answer 4

negative experiences can be more of a setback than just finding a way to deal with it.

Someone should simply check her diaper every hour or so. Meanwhile, work on a positive reward system of any type, so that ANY time she honestly tells you that her diaper is soiled, that she gets a small reward. Even if its just a hug or something.

I think this is a case for positive rewards, although I also agree with sometimes needing to withdraw privileges for refusing to comply. Try little rewards. If it's not getting anywhere because she REFUSES to tell you, then do this..... check her diaper periodically.... then one time when you actually find that it IS soiled,....somehow indicate that you know its soiled...... then just ask her if it is or not. If she doesn't think she's gonna get in trouble for telling you, and if she thinks you already know anyway and you are promising her a little reward..... she may finally decide its time to test out the reward system! :)

Answer 5

Ok, my daughter is 4 and I have been going through this for the last year. She was completely trained until one day she decided to use the bathroom on herself. I had the problem which after months of trying top work with her I also took away t.v. and movie time... every day that i picked her up and she was wet or whatever else... no exceptions... there was no t.v. I also talked to the teachers and told them the problem, and if your daughter like mine is not using the bathroom like they should, then I highly feel that the teachers should be taking more time to help them.

Answer 6

I agree with angelbaby----I think she's afraid she'll be in trouble for pooping her pants, so she just doesn't tell. My daughter has been trying this lately and we've come to the conclusion that while she doesn't get into "trouble" at home for accidents, she does at the daycare. So now if she goes at home when she should have went to the potty, she is scared to tell us. She's even gone so far as to tell us she didn't pee when she's standing in a puddle with wet pants. We've been really working with her more so now on telling the truth and have just explained accidents sometimes happen but you can't lie about it. When we find she's gone in her pants, we go to the bathroom with her and give her clothes so she can change herself (obviously we have to help somewhat, but she does most of the undress & redress). Try to emphasize how great it is that she does go and as hard as it is, try not to punish her.

Answer 7

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