After alot of research Ive decided Im free from religion and am an Agnostic leaning towards atheist, I want to know if I should and how I could tell my Born Again wife.
I was raised liberal and was able to free think and thought I found my calling with Christianity It was a place for me to go but and feel like I now had my "label" my wifes family is all Christian fundalmentalist wackos, I cant have have a conversation with them where they dont mention Jesus.
I mean my sister in law has a wall of Jesus in her house with a dozen pictures of him and I find it weird, and when talking with these ultra religous folk I feel they arent thinkers, they dont seem like they have educated themselves about the world around them for fear of being to secular so they are closed minded in my opinion except for praising the bible and Jesus and stories written 2 to 6 thousand years ago by people who thought the earth was flat. I love my wife and debating keeping this a secret till I die what should I do
2006-11-29 04:57:45 · 19 answers · asked by Arizona is Hot 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
If you really want to discuss this with her, and you probably should at some point, you will have to be prepared for her response. Close-minded people need extra time to process information that falls outside their belief system. I know this because I am still fighting daily the part of me that is close-minded.
The Bible tells us not to be "unequally yoked" to each other, and she may use that against you. However, the only Biblical reason for divorce is infidelity. Tell her you love her and that you need her to support you in the best way that she can, even if she can't understand it. Don't let her drag you into arguments about who believes what until you're both able to do it calm and rationally. It will be easy to get into a fight about whose beliefs are right and whose are wrong - it won't get you anywhere.
Btw, don't judge all Christians by the poor examples we continue to be. Good Christians should be living apologies to the rest of the world for the insincerity of thousands of people who call themselves Christians but are not true followers of Christ. We aren't all fundamentalist wackos that are incapable of thinking for ourselves.
2006-11-29 05:17:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its too bad that many people give religion a bad name. I can see why, they can be closed minded and they can be overbearing. I understand that can make you feel oppressed. I think the same way sometimes about atheist liberals. Why are they so devoutely atheist, they have just as much faith in disproving God than those religious wacko's who pour religion down your throat.
Its fine that you are agnostic, or even deist. A deist believes rationally that there must be a creator but believes its not connected to this world or connected to us spiritually. I just cant logically theorize that we popped out of no where. I believe in religion however, I just dont think something would create us only to have nothing to do with us. It would be kinda like a mother giving birth and abandening a baby.
I understand your confusion, you shouldn't be forced by anything because its human nature to reject. It seems as if you are a very objective person. Dont make any rash decisions based on what others think...it should be up to you to decide no one else. And if your wife loves you then she too will understand that you will need to find the answers on your own. And that may take time. Keep an open mind and dont let others dictate your thoughts on life.
2006-11-29 05:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by Murfdigidy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend, I empathize with your situation, and feel the deep love you have for your wife. Do you perhaps think that on some level, she may already suspect that you really are NOT a true believer? I always am and always will be a firm advocate of truthful communication between spouses. I am a Christian, and my sweet husband is not; but I got saved after we were married. Do I love him any LESS? Absolutely NOT! As a matter of fact, I am more in love with him than when we first met. Jesus tends to give us the capacity to love beyond our wildest expectations, and I'm sure it's this way with your wife, as well. After all, she didn't only marry you because she THOUGHT you were saved, right? You had other things you loved about each other and shared a bond together in many other ways. Talk to her. friend. Trust the love you share. And may God Bless you both! P.S. Please do not let anyone confuse you. Baptism does not save a person from hell. I'm not trying to be unkind, only honest. It's the faith and trust in Jesus Christ that saves, not getting wet. I'm telling you this so that you have factual information and if you do decide to remain on the path you currently are on, you will not be lead falsely to believe to expect to spend eternity in Heaven while all the while be on the road towards an eternity, well you can put two and two together. I truly DO care very much about you; I only added this on when I saw other posters had given you misinformation. I believe in honesty, even if it sometimes sounds unpleasant. Sorry. Really not trying to be unkind.
2016-05-23 02:12:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's cute. You have recently decided that you are undecided.
You should definitely tell your wife. She has a right to know.
What does her family have to do with anything? You knew what you were getting into when you decided to make a vow to your wife before God and human witnesses to be with her until death, no? Or did you meet her family after you were already married?
In any event, while you can't go back in time, obviously, and tell your wife that you were not committed to Christianity, you can rectify the situation today.
How to do this? Just be honest with her. Tell her what you think and how you feel about Christianity. It would be best to leave her family members out of it. That is, however they are has nothing to do with how you are...so if you go pointing fingers at her relatives in order to explain your own lack of faith in Christ as God's Son, it will probably get hairy and evoke a lot of needless discussion. The needful discussion is how you misrepresented yourself and how you need to rectify that before anyone goes along assuming that you are who you said you were.
2006-11-29 05:06:14 · answer #4 · answered by Gestalt 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That is tough man.
I think either way you go with this, one or both of you will feel hurt or betrayed.
To live a life as a lie, or to put your relationship in jeopardy? As an atheist/agnostic you realize this is the one life you have. To waste it would be a great shame.
The best bet might be to let it come out gradually.
2006-11-29 05:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't envy your position, my friend. I dated a Born Again briefly, and he's actually what finally drove me away from Christianity.
I think you should tell her. She's your wife, and you shouldn't keep a secret this substantial in a marriage. I *hope* that she loves you enough to be able to respect how you feel, and to accept that your views on God are a very personal matter that no one else can decide for you. Good luck.
Bright blessings!
)O(
2006-11-29 05:20:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do you want your marriage to be based in lies?
If I were you, I'd tell her.
I'd also remember that one of the secrets to a successful marriage is to leave something unsaid every day - the criticisms the complaints,the expression of peety annoyance.
Speak in "I" statements - I feel, I think, and so on, and avoid like the very plague any "you" statements like 'You are wrong".
2006-11-29 05:27:26 · answer #7 · answered by Praise Singer 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you tell her, your problems will only begin. If I were you, I would reconsider my position and if you have truly out of your heart arrived at your decision and wish to stick by it, you would be well advised to keep it within yourself. Otherwise, you will lose everything. Been there and done that already. Even if your wife did accept it, if word ever gets out, you will have no end of trouble.
2006-11-29 05:11:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her. if u love her u should be able to work thru this. dont force it on her, she'll take time to accept it.
the in-laws on the other hand, as long as theres no health risk tell em if u wanna, but if they are fanatcal ur in for a rough time. be ready for a few sermons at least.
but u have to tell ur wife, or things will fall apart worse than if she rejects u.
2006-11-29 05:04:57 · answer #9 · answered by implosion13 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My Mom always told me that we just don't marry our spouse, we marry their family too. Scary idea isn't it? But when and if you tell your wife, do it gently. Otherwise I don't know what to advise. I would hate to see her family urge her to divorce you because you were Godless. That is a possibility, knowing what I know about the way folks like this think.
2006-11-29 05:01:19 · answer #10 · answered by a_delphic_oracle 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋