Should I forgive boyfriend of nearly 5 years for a drunken one night stand?

Question

He got drunk with college friends from 6pm onwards.He then offered to walk a girl he thought didn't like him to the train station.She missed her train.Between the two of them they got a hotel room-double/single I didn't ask.Once in the room he said he wanted to just sleep, but she suggested sex.She guided him into her and they had sex "twice but in the same sequence of events" he also remembers going down on her.The next morning he says he felt awful about it.

Roll on 3 weeks. I notice he hasn't been calling as much as usual. We go out for a meal and when I get flirtatious and suggest going home with him, he backs off.

So last friday. He comes over and tells me what happened. I am shaking. Up to this point we have only ever slept with and gone out with only each other.We have been together for nearly 5 years.Basically its total devastation.But VERY oddly I went home with him that night...Now I feel like I'm losing the plot....HELP ME!!!We're both 24.I thought we'd last another year!

He said that he was very drunk and he remembers little. He said he was angry with me at the time also, we had been going through a sort of bad patch (I randomly went back to college against his advice).

He said he was so shocked and upset it took him 3 weeks to get the courage to tell me.

Up to this point we have been faithful, this is the first relationship for both of us. I still love him. He says he still loves me and wants to continue the relationship. What should I do?I think I'm losing the plot!!!Help me!!!

To make matters even more complicated I slept with him a few hours after he told me (shock&a bit drunk) and then spent the rest of the weekend with him- during which he told me he hadn't felt this close to me in ages....AAArgh!!!

I asked him if he enjoyed it and he said it was exciting.I asked him if he still desired her and he said she wasn't girlfriend material.She didn't have my looks or personality.

What I mean is I couldn't see the relationship breaking up before this and I thought we'd be going out for another 2-3 years or so.Marriage isn't really on my mind as I'm only just trying to get my career off the ground.

Answer 1

Your not married. He can do what he wants.

Answer 2

I don't entirely believe his account that she did all the chasing. But it does sound as if he did have a guilty conscience maybe that's why he was backing off a bit from you. And he did admit it to you. If you really love him and believe he loves you too I'd try and get over it and talk it over with him how hurt you feel and how you wont ever stand for anything like that again. He's your first love so it will be hard but if you think he's worth it I'd forgive him just this once. But on the other hand your only 24 so if you can't, don't worry because there are lots of young free and single guys out there that will help you have a bit of fun to help get over this guy.! Hope you figure out what to do.

Answer 3

Ouch! I really feel for you...that's not a nice thing to have happen to you at all. I think it would be very difficult to forgive him even if you put him in the most innocent of lights- like ,she took advantage of him whilst he was drunk. But he did it twice and then again in the morning, which suggests he thought 'sod it, I've done it once- I may as well get the most out of this if I'm going to cross that bridge'. This makes me think that he'll then do it again, as you'll have forgiven him once before.

It's a tough one, and it's going to hurt like crazy, but I think you should walk away. I forgave a boyfriend who cheated on me and every time we were together all I could think about was that he'd done this with her. Not only are you hurting because of his past actions, but you'll constantly go through it again and again.

I'm 25 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years so I can imagine that it's a big relationship to walk away from... But you are atill young, and why waste another year slowly bringing this to an end when you could use this time of year to go out, have fun with your friends- have some festive fun and then let 2007 bring you a fresh start- with someone who you think is worthy of you. You set the rules on how you want to be treated, go back with this guy and you've said everything that you think about yourself to him, so why will he show you any respect.

I hope you work out what's right for you and how much you think you're worth.

Answer 4

At first I thought yes forgive him. After all he confessed without you guessing. Then I read it again plus the extra info.
He thought she didnt like him - does he mean he wouldnt have trusted himself if he knew she liked him?
Notice all the subtle ways he blames the girl. Notice the gratuitous detail - did you really need to know how she put his...no, you don't. Why do I get the feeling he was getting off on telling you this?
Finally, the girlfriend material bit - not exactly a firm 'no' is it?

I really don't like giving a firm yes or no to these questions - written words can be misinterpreted both yours and ours. But basically I think this guy is actually very pleased with his adventure. He was honest, but he's not exactly contrite.

Could it be he found it so easy to tell you because he takes you for granted?

Answer 5

Sorry, but "I was drunk" is one of the lamest excuses people have used forever. Getting drunk doesn't excuse bad behavior. I'm sure he's remorseful, but if that event brings the two of you closer, there was something wrong with your relationship to begin with, even if it wasn't apparent. Ask yourself can I truly forgive AND forget (which is REALLY the hardest part)? you might give it a go. If your answer is " no" then move on. It'll be hard but time really does heal all wounds. Good luck!

Answer 6

being drunk should NEVER be an excuse...so i would advise u to break up with him and stay true to ur decision..if u were upset over him cheating, why sleep with him? that's probably not helping you..and who's to say that he won't get drunk again and do the same thing..and he doesn't want you to go back to school? u really need to let go of him..no matter how long u have been together, if he is stupid enough to cheat on u after 5 years, and discourage you from pursuing an education, he doesn't deserve u

Answer 7

You've been together 5 years, not 5 months. Personally it doesnt matter how drunk he was because he didnt even have to be in the room with her, let alone in the same bed...not to mention the fact that he apparently did it twice and went down on her with no apparent remorse inbetween events. You have to give him credit for telling you instead of letting you find out on your own though. It all boils down to whether you love him enough to forgive him and whether you can handle the oncoming insecurities you're gonna have when he's not around you...especially when he's out getting drunk. If you do and you can then make sure he works his *** of to regain your trust and remember: "Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you."

Answer 8

Well had he told you about right off the bat then i would say that he truely felt bad and you should forgive him. But no he did the normal male thing and tried to hide it from you and waited 3 weeks to tell you the truth. The way the story sounds the girl was a **** and pushed herself on your man but he didnt do anything to stop it so yeah dont forgive him . Dump him. The way you sound you only wanted him around another year anyways.

Answer 9

I had a chum that had this ensue to her. Her boyfriend is continuously through her area, and in straight forward words hangs out which include her. despite the indisputable fact that, like which include your project, he did something out of the conventional and were given inebriated. despite the indisputable fact that, they suspected someone drugged him because he acted diverse that purely being inebriated. anyhow, he cheated on her and that i imagine in a while broke some fixtures or something. He had to bypass to courtroom in a while and on the way there instructed her he had cheated on her. He stated all he recollects is that he change into putting a condom on. My chum not in any respect held it adversarial to him. She is conscious he's a sturdy guy and can want to not in any respect intentially harm her. He were given ****** up and hasn't ever because then. She's stuck through his area and that is been over 4 years now! i don't think of i might want to in my opinion ever be so forgiving. I have a tendency to carry on to crap and not in any respect enable it bypass. if you're like me, then end it, it style of feels too rocky to fix, no count number how a lot time is going through.

Answer 10

Of course you should forgive him. Latest statistics have shown that 70 per cent of men have cheated on their partners. Mostly through using escorts either in local papers or through popular web sites such as www.adultwork.co.uk.

If you dump him and replace him the chances are your next boyfriend will cheat on you too after a while. Better the devil you know.

Answer 11

You must be gutted, I dont know what I would do in your situation.

The thing is even if you can forgive him you might not forget it, any time you have an argument you might feel like bringing it up 'well at least I didnt cheat on you' etc.
I know I would be like that, and that would be horrible. it could take so long to trust him again.
If you think it was only going to last for one more year does that mean in your eyes it was never forever...?

Good luck.