Is it appropriate for a 12 year old boy to be sleeping on the floor of his dad's and fiances room every night

Question

Dad has joint custody with the mother of the child and the child stays 2-3 nights a week. In the year the Dad and I have been together the child has slept in his own room a handful of times. I am fit to be tied and trying to talk about it results in a fight. Child does not sleep in our bed but has to be in the room. Dad thinks this is completely normal. Dad has been divorced for 12 years and I believe it is something that they have always done. I also think that Dad does not want the child to grow up. I have stated that the child is almost at puberty and that he needs to start being more independent. No matter what I do I am looked at as the "bad guy" because I think that it is creepy. I get along very well with my fiance and this is the only source of stress between us. On top of everything I am a Social Worker and feel like I should know what to do! Any advice?

Answer 1

No, I do not feel it is appropriate. If in the same shoes I would feel just like you do.

As for how to approach it, you have already approached him and nothing has changed. This may be something that you have to accept and live with 2 to 3 times a week, but I'd be careful about what else to expect later down. If he doesn't take your side on some of the issues with the child now, you and your feelings may always take a back seat to them.

Answer 2

You are right. It is a little creepy. At 12 most boys want their privacy. Sounds like either the dad or the child has an issue with attachment or security. I would tell the father that, until he gets the child to sleep in his own room, the father would be sleeping by himself. Just flat out give him an ultimatum. It is not healthy for anyone involved. If this is the only real issue you have in your relationship, then your fiance should be more than willing to cooperate.

Answer 3

I don't understand WHY the 12 year old sleeps in the same room with you guys. Is the boy challenged mentally or physically?

Have you directly asked Dad why the boy is sleeping in the same room with you?

I think the Dad has some kind of fear and that's why the boy is sleeping in the same room. This is not right! The boy should either have his own room, or sleep on the couch.

Either the Dad or the boy have some kind of fear of something. Try to talk with both of them. Explain that this is not normal to have a 12 year old boy sleeping in the same room with adults every night. Something is wrong here.

Answer 4

This is not appropriate, nor is it normal. That boy needs to grow up, and if it continues to be an issue, then maybe you should reconsider the marriage. Think of it like this....he's 12, how long will he continue this behavior? Will he be in his 30s and continue to sleep on the floor in his dad's room? I agree with you that your fiance doesn't want this boy to grow up. This is not healthy at all, because sooner or later, dad won't be there...and then what will he do? Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this situation.....have a great day.

Answer 5

Has the child ever slept walked at your home? There could a reason behind the child sleeping in the room and the child is embarresed about talking about it. Sleep walking is very embarrisisng to a child. He could have a bad case of it and he his dad has him sleep in there in case he does sleep walk. People who sleep walk are dangerous to themselves when they have a bad case of it. I know it seems weird. My baby sister is 17 and she sleeps with my mom still my mom wishes she would sleep in her own room it is right next door. My dad sleeps in the recliner in the livingroom. She doesnt sleep walk or anything else but she is scared of everything. That could be the problem , alot of kids are scared of the dark. These are just a few things it could be. I'll say this when the child starts going through puberty he will probably start sleeping in his own room.

Answer 6

i've been there. she was 4 yrs old and she slept in the same bed as us it used to kill me sometimes because i'd be tired from working 6 or seven days a week and would only have that day to relax. she'd kick in her sleep and sometimes she'd even wet the bed. it got to the point where i'd sleep on the couch. he didn't like that so i gave him an ultimatum. it was me or her. i never had a prob with her being there just jot in my bed. she even had her own room. don't worry, it can be worked out. he has to take into consideration that he is not alone anymore and it makes you feel uncomfortable. maybe you could can hang out in the bedroom, watching movies and spend quality time, but when it's time for bed the child should sleep in his own room. dad can even get a sleeping bag and sleep in the room with him for a couple on nights if that would make the kid happy. but the dad is over compinsating and letting him have power over your relatioinship. if that doesn't work then you can go to couples counseling. a non-biased opinion can work wonders. it's worh it if you want to stay in your relationship.

Answer 7

I'm a mother to a 10 month old and there is no way I would let her have a boy sleep over when she is 12.

Answer 8

This is definitely a serious problem and if Dad can't see where you're coming from, you might want to seriously rethink moving forward in this relationship. I have no idea how to resolve this issue to be honest with you, but it is not something that you can let go. A 12 year old child does not need to be sleeping anywhere but his own bedroom.

Answer 9

Not really, unless there's nowhere else for him to sleep. You're right, he's almost a teenager and teenagers NEED a private space.

Tell Dad that the son deserves his privacy, and ask him if he'd have wanted to be stuck in the same room with his own mom & dad while they were doing the nasty when he was that age?

Answer 10

You answered your own question, you are a social worker, you know what to do. OBVIOUSLY the child should not be sleeping in the same room! What happens when you guys want to have sex???